Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Medical student: “I was less stressed in Afghanistan.”

Pamela Wible, MD
Education
August 27, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

Dear Pamela,

Let me start off by telling you that I am a warrior, a protector, and a healer. I am an Army veteran. I’ve worked as an EMT, completed a bachelor’s degree and two years of medical school, plus I’m raising a family. I’ve achieved amazing things, but I have never been defeated like I’ve been over these past few years.

Honestly, I was less stressed in Afghanistan. Medical school is worse than my deployment experience.

It’s not easy to share this so bear with me. When I finished undergrad, I decided to be a doctor. So off I went. Completed my sciences at a local community college, volunteered at hospitals, and worked as an EMT to beef up my resume for med school applications. I got all my applications in then boom: I was deployed to Afghanistan. I was recruited to deploy with military police as a combat medic. During the first few missions, I was scared for my life. After that, I became numb to that fear and just focused on making sure I was able to save my guys’ lives if we were attacked. The stress was incredible, but I had their back, and they had mine. In an unsafe country and a future filled with uncertainty, I felt secure because we supported each other.

Once I was home, I started medical school, and I was so excited! I was finally living out my dream. I’ve always been able to make friends with no problem, and I’ve always done well in school, so I was good to go. I am not the traditional medical student. I’m 30 with a family, and it turns out my life is very different than my peers, so I isolated myself. The course material was incredibly difficult for me. I struggled. I barely passed some exams and always wondered if I would make it to the next course. I worked so hard to do well, but couldn’t hack it. I was just in awe at how much more intelligent everyone else around me was.

This was it; I had put all of my eggs in this basket, and my basket was falling apart. I cried almost every single day. My family was there to support me, but no one could understand what I was going through. Or so I thought. I never really opened up to other medical students because they seemed so smart and were doing well. It was bad. Here’s the worst part: I thought it would be easier to die than continue living like this. I started to see a therapist, and we identified that I was persistently depressed and passively suicidal.

I know I’m a strong, intelligent woman. But medical school broke me down.

I’m in my 3rd year now and have realized what is most important to me: self-care, my family, and close friends. I can’t help others at my own expense anymore. I get that I’m learning information that will save people’s lives, and I need to take it seriously. Believe me, I do. Yeah, I get nervous that I will be pimped and not know the answer to a question or do badly on a test again. But I am done letting that stop me from living a life I love. Regardless of my transcript and test scores, I will be an amazing doctor! I already make a difference in people’s lives and will continue to do so.

I hope other medical students can learn something from my story. You are all amazing! Please take care of yourselves.

Pamela, thank you for standing up for us. It means the world.

Sincerely,

Michelle

Suicide is an occupational hazard in medicine. Let’s talk about it.

Pamela Wible pioneered the community-designed ideal medical clinic and blogs at Ideal Medical Care. She is the author of Physician Suicide Letters — Answered and Pet Goats and Pap Smears. Watch her TEDx talk, How to Get Naked with Your Doctor. She hosts the physician retreat, Live Your Dream, to help her colleagues heal from grief and reclaim their lives and careers.

Image credit: Pamela Wible

Prev

The true essence of what it means to be a companion

August 27, 2016 Kevin 0
…
Next

How words create bridges to a therapeutic relationship

August 28, 2016 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The true essence of what it means to be a companion
Next Post >
How words create bridges to a therapeutic relationship

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Pamela Wible, MD

  • When health care professionals lose everything

    Pamela Wible, MD
  • Surgeon suicides: Unveiling a silent crisis

    Pamela Wible, MD
  • 13 tips for depressed doctors who need confidential mental health care

    Pamela Wible, MD

Related Posts

  • What inspires this medical student

    Jamie Katuna
  • Why this medical student tutors

    Michelle Ikoma
  • Patients are an integral part of medical student education

    Orly Farber
  • A medical student finds a reason to dance

    Nikita Mittal
  • The medical student who cries

    Orly Farber
  • A medical student’s letter to her parents

    Hillary McKinley

More in Education

  • Why medical student debt is killing primary care in America

    Alexander Camp
  • Why the pre-med path is pushing future doctors to the brink

    Jordan Williamson, MEd
  • Graduating from medical school without family: a story of strength and survival

    Anonymous
  • 2 hours to decide my future: Why the NRMP’s SOAP process is broken

    Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH
  • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

    Sarah White, APRN
  • Bridging the rural surgical care gap with rotating health care teams

    Ankit Jain
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Addressing U.S. vaccine inequities in vulnerable communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How to speak the language of leadership to improve doctor wellness [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Addressing U.S. vaccine inequities in vulnerable communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Would The Pitts’ Dr. Robby Robinavitch welcome a new colleague? Yes. Especially if their initials were AI.

      Gabe Jones, MBA | Tech
    • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

      Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 65 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Addressing U.S. vaccine inequities in vulnerable communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How to speak the language of leadership to improve doctor wellness [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Addressing U.S. vaccine inequities in vulnerable communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Would The Pitts’ Dr. Robby Robinavitch welcome a new colleague? Yes. Especially if their initials were AI.

      Gabe Jones, MBA | Tech
    • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

      Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Medical student: “I was less stressed in Afghanistan.”
65 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...