Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The absolute fear and loneliness of COVID-19 patients in the ICU

Keowa Bonilla, MD
Conditions
March 28, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

I am sure this comes as a surprise to no one, but taking care of hospitalized COVID-19 patients outside of the intensive care unit (ICU) is really emotionally draining. The absolute fear and loneliness in their voices pierce into you. They keep asking for reassurance, and I’m providing some, but not enough of what they want or need to hear. Yes, you’re on oxygen, but not very much, and overall your vitals are stable. Do I think you’ll worsen? Will you be like those cases on TV that you keep hearing about? Truthfully, I’m not sure.

The news reporters, your only “companions” at the bedside day and night, are bringing nothing but bad news and terror of your own impending doom. You ask, “Is that really going to happen to me?” You can’t see my face when I’m talking to you on the phone … safe in my office and floors away from you. I’m grateful for that. It’s hard to hide the sadness and fear and non-reassuring glances I keep making around my empty room. I can only imagine the look on your face in your equally empty room.

And when I see you face to face, I’m covered in masks and plastic shields and gowns. You don’t get to see my attempted smiles, but I hope my eyes aren’t deceiving the feigned optimism in my voice. You don’t need to know that my patient across the hall is currently transferring to the ICU, but then you hear the alarms going off and ask what’s going on. Are you next? I can only say, I hope and pray you’re not. There’s a chance you may get worse, but there’s also a chance that this will be the worst of it, and you’ll slowly get better.

“But what about all of my other health problems? Aren’t I at greater risk? Can’t you do something more? More antibiotics or other medications? Why is this happening? Why me? I’m so scared! I’m so alone!”

I keep backing away slowly toward the door as they keep talking. I’ve been in the room for too long. I have more of their neighbors to see. More of the same questions to answer and fear to hide and factitious smiles to remain hidden. One thing I can reassure my patient of: I will be back tomorrow. I promise. Wait for my call in the morning.

Keowa Bonilla is a hospitalist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Choose not what’s easy, but what is right

March 28, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

An emergency physician fighting on the frontline

March 28, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: COVID, Critical Care, Infectious Disease

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Choose not what’s easy, but what is right
Next Post >
An emergency physician fighting on the frontline

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • How to get patients vaccinated against COVID-19 [PODCAST]

    The Podcast by KevinMD
  • COVID-19 divides and conquers

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • State sanctioned executions in the age of COVID-19

    Kasey Johnson, DO
  • A patient’s COVID-19 reflections

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Starting medical school in the midst of COVID-19

    Horacio Romero Castillo
  • COVID-19 shows why we need health insurance

    Jingyi Liu, MD

More in Conditions

  • Why psychotherapy works and why psychotherapy fails

    Peggy A. Rothbaum, PhD
  • How oral health silently affects your heart, brain, and body

    Charles Reinertsen, DMD
  • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

    Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD
  • The emotional first responders of aesthetic medicine

    Sarah White, APRN
  • Why testosterone matters more than you think in women’s health

    Andrea Caamano, MD
  • How veteran health care is being transformed by tech and teamwork

    Deborah Lafer Scher
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • The unseen cost of detachment in radiology

      Dr. Yesu Raju | Physician
    • I thought success was a destination. Then I became a doctor.

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why psychotherapy works and why psychotherapy fails

      Peggy A. Rothbaum, PhD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • How oral health silently affects your heart, brain, and body

      Charles Reinertsen, DMD | Conditions
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • The unseen cost of detachment in radiology

      Dr. Yesu Raju | Physician
    • I thought success was a destination. Then I became a doctor.

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why psychotherapy works and why psychotherapy fails

      Peggy A. Rothbaum, PhD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • How oral health silently affects your heart, brain, and body

      Charles Reinertsen, DMD | Conditions
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...