Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The aftermath of a suicide attempt

Raymond Abbott
Conditions
March 25, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

In November each year, I usually attend an all-day conference in Louisville on the subject of depression. Some of it can become a little grim, but there is an especially tasty free box-lunch that I appreciate.

Suicide is a big subject at depression conferences. One might expect this to be true. The focus is on suicide prevention, which is as it should be.

The discussion is usually led by university professors, and in my view, young ones. Still, they are old enough to have earned their PhDs. Some travel to Louisville from far away, and I expect they are fairly well compensated for their participation.

I notice one thing about these experts: their knowledge never seems to include what philosophers have had to say over the centuries about suicide. Such as the German philosopher Schopenhauer, who writes that suicide is sometimes (often) a risk for the person who has everything going well in life. He contends that boredom is a red flag when it comes to suicide. Other philosophers argue similarly, but among these academics I listen to, there is no understanding of this aspect of suicide (and I have queried them to make this determination).

Of course, their jobs are to deal with suicide as it affects a population that is frequently mentally ill and often physically ill, plus being poor and all that suggests.

Yet if I were identified as an expert on suicide, and getting paid to speak on the subject, I would want to be familiar with the works of the philosophers of long ago (or not so long ago).

I would feel incomplete somehow without such an understanding of the ancients, which brings me to the subject of Harry Dawkins, a man I once worked for when I began as a social worker back in Boston. He was my immediate supervisor. He had suffered a mild stroke and sometimes used a cane. His blood pressure continued to be out of control, and he had a weight problem. His hair was gray, and he had a lot of it. He could be a very funny fellow, even when not trying.

Harry lived alone in an apartment on Beacon Hill. He was about 45. What with his various ailments, he struggled mightily to get to our offices at 20 Church Street each day. Not so far, really, but for Harry it was.

His booming laugh was legendary. He liked the writer Truman Capote, and when he learned Capote would be reading in Cambridge, Harry was there, probably in the front row. He liked literature, and plays, in particular. Capote was often amusing, and Harry laughed loudly, but so loudly that Capote would insist during intermission that the man with the annoying laugh not be allowed to return, and so he wasn’t. He got booted.

I guess his money situation and the attending health problems led Harry to consider suicide. It happened like this: Late one evening, he placed sheets and blankets over the door and windows on his small third-floor apartment. He then stuck his head in his kitchen gas oven and turned on the gas.

He didn’t say he was drinking when he told me this story, but my bet is that he was. He fell asleep with his head in the oven but was awakened suddenly by loud banging on his apartment door. He forgot where he was momentarily and sat up abruptly, banging his head hard on the oven top. He was dazed, but soon understood the situation and heard the banging on his door by neighbors who were worried about the smell of gas.

They became increasingly frantic, threatening to break down his door if he didn’t open it. As they were shouting his name, he ran to the bathroom, lathered his face with shaving cream as if about to shave, and calmly opened the door as if nothing was wrong. He told the small crowd gathered there that he was shaving and preparing for work — it was 4 a.m. — and said all was fine, and calmly closed the door.

He heard laughter in the hallway. If it had ended there, it would be one thing, he said, but it didn’t. On many evenings he frequented a nearby bar called Harvard Gardens. It is across the street from Mass General Hospital. Upon entering the establishment the following evening, where he was well known, a loud cheer went up and a crowd of people, some of whom he knew and some he didn’t remember he knew, lined up to congratulate him for surviving a suicide attempt.

ADVERTISEMENT

It was a very happy bunch, he said, but he was terribly embarrassed by the outpouring, which included much handshaking. And it didn’t stop there. For days after, when at the Harvard Gardens, near strangers would approach his booth and want to shake his hand and sometimes want to sit with him and share their suicide attempt stories with him. When he would tell me this, he added as a by-the-way, several of them he knew eventually made good on their next suicide attempt.

He often spoke of how embarrassing the entire episode was, and he left me with the distinct feeling he would not repeat an attempt on his own life if only because it was much too hard to deal with the aftermath, should the attempt not be successful.

Raymond Abbott is a social worker and novelist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com 

Prev

In the midst of a pandemic, remember that physician practices are small businesses too

March 24, 2020 Kevin 2
…
Next

Leading your medical practice through crisis

March 25, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
In the midst of a pandemic, remember that physician practices are small businesses too
Next Post >
Leading your medical practice through crisis

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Raymond Abbott

  • How community and buses saved my retirement

    Raymond Abbott
  • From hospital bed to harsh truths: a writer’s unexpected journey

    Raymond Abbott
  • Proud dental school patient shows off a rare gold foil filling

    Raymond Abbott

Related Posts

  • Start with the students: Addressing the future of physician suicide

    Anonymous
  • Physician suicide: We need safe spaces to talk about it

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • Physician Suicide Awareness Day: Where are the patients? 

    Jennifer M. Sweeney
  • Qualifying conditions for medical marijuana

    Patricia Frye
  • Settlements in the opioid cases need these non-negotiable conditions

    Rosanne Aulino, RN
  • What does Kelly Loeffler’s health plan do to coverage for preexisting conditions?

    Robert Laszewski

More in Conditions

  • The myth of biohacking your way past death

    Larry Kaskel, MD
  • Why Hollywood’s allergy jokes are dangerous

    Lianne Mandelbaum, PT
  • Coconut oil’s role in Alzheimer’s and depression

    Marc Arginteanu, MD
  • Ancient health secrets for modern life

    Larry Kaskel, MD
  • How the internet broke the doctor-parent trust

    Wendy L. Hunter, MD
  • Mpox isn’t over: A silent epidemic is growing

    Melvin Sanicas, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • IMGs are the future of U.S. primary care

      Adam Brandon Bondoc, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors struggle with family caregiving and how to find grace [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • How a doctor defied a hurricane to save a life

      Dharam Persaud-Sharma, MD, PhD | Physician
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • 10 hard truths about practicing medicine they don’t teach in school

      Steven Goldsmith, MD | Physician
    • The myth of biohacking your way past death

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • How trust and communication power successful dyad leadership in health care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why Hollywood’s allergy jokes are dangerous

      Lianne Mandelbaum, PT | Conditions
    • How I learned to love my unique name as a doctor

      Zoran Naumovski, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • IMGs are the future of U.S. primary care

      Adam Brandon Bondoc, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors struggle with family caregiving and how to find grace [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • How a doctor defied a hurricane to save a life

      Dharam Persaud-Sharma, MD, PhD | Physician
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • 10 hard truths about practicing medicine they don’t teach in school

      Steven Goldsmith, MD | Physician
    • The myth of biohacking your way past death

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • How trust and communication power successful dyad leadership in health care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why Hollywood’s allergy jokes are dangerous

      Lianne Mandelbaum, PT | Conditions
    • How I learned to love my unique name as a doctor

      Zoran Naumovski, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

The aftermath of a suicide attempt
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...