Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Crying to be heard: women in emotional pain

Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
Conditions
September 17, 2023
Share
Tweet
Share

I am struck by how often crying is overlooked or trivialized by doctors despite its therapeutic value and need for recognition. Crying can play a significant role in healing and overall well-being. Research has shown that crying serves as an emotional release, provides pain relief, reduces stress, improves mood, and enhances communication. Encouraging a culture of acceptance and understanding around crying in medical settings can contribute to holistic and empathetic patient care.

Women are more prone to crying than men, and this does not always benefit them when distressed and seeking care. Crying women are often labeled “hysterical” or “emotional.” Their complaints are taken less seriously, and their fears are often diminished. Women may feel vulnerable and may need more time with a caregiver to help process their concerns, yet they are afforded less time, either because the caregiver is unsure how to react to a crying woman – and retreats from sight – or because they view providing solace to a woman in tears is someone else’s job. Male physicians are highly likely to turn their backs on crying women, reacting out of bias, without showing a modicum of bedside manner.

British humanities and women’s rights scholar Elinor Cleghorn demonstrates in her book Unwell Women how the medical profession is mired in myth and misbeliefs about women. The history of medicine shows that men donning white coats have controlled the fate of women, and doctors’ knowledge about women’s susceptibility to illness and disease has been shaped and distorted by prejudicial beliefs dating back to ancient Greece.

For example, centuries ago, it was believed that a disconnected and “wandering womb” (uterus) was to blame for a variety of ailments, including excessive emotion, or hysteria. Hence, hysterectomy, from the Greek word hysterika, meaning uterus, became a viable cure for physical and mental disorders in women. Contemporary medical research has shown that women are less likely than men to survive traumatic health episodes like heart attacks when under the care of male doctors. Women are considerably more likely to say they prefer treatment by a female physician.

My wife and I witnessed first-hand just how callous and unsympathetic some male physicians can be. Prior to and after the birth of our son in 1986, my wife had suffered several miscarriages. In 1988, we discovered she was pregnant again and in her first trimester. The fertility specialist she was seeing suggested we come into the office to confirm the pregnancy by ultrasound. The ultrasound technician turned to me and asked, “Would you be upset if I told you I think I see two heartbeats?” Miracle of miracles! Twins!

We were elated, and my wife began to cry happy tears. We returned to the waiting room to see the doctor. Tears continued to flow down my wife’s cheeks, and I hugged her tight. No one in the busy waiting room inquired what was happening. None of the staff came to check on us. No one offered my wife a box of Kleenex. No one – anyone – asked if everything was alright. They simply assumed my wife had miscarried – after all, it was a fertility clinic accustomed to delivering bad news. (Even under those circumstances some consolation should have been forthcoming.)

My wife blurted out: “We’re having twins!” People came over to congratulate us, sharing in the joyous occasion. It was only then that kindness and good wishes were bestowed upon us. The doctor was nonplussed by everyone’s reaction, attributing the outcome to “good science.”

Several years later, we suffered an agonizing loss: fetal demise. Everything was going well until the OB/GYN informed my wife that, at 20 weeks’ gestation, he did not hear a heartbeat on his exam, and it was subsequently confirmed by ultrasound. Later that night labor was induced to deliver the baby, a dead baby boy whom we had already named. The doctor let us view him briefly, and then they – the doctor and our baby – vanished. The nurses unemotionally took care of my wife while both of us wept. We were handed the discharge instructions with barely a “goodbye.”

Let me be clear. This essay is not meant to be a battle of the sexes. Not all male doctors are indifferent to the plight of female patients – women physicians can show disregard too – and it’s not only women whose symptoms may not be taken seriously. Men’s ailments may be ignored by physicians of either gender, and men tend to suffer silently and are more reluctant to seek care in general. It’s just that I’ve heard more accounts from women about how dispassionately male doctors have treated them.

My colleague’s wife, a psychologist, nearly bled to death after a complicated delivery. Once stabilized, she was left alone for hours with unimaginable thoughts and without her doctor checking in on her. She was permanently traumatized by the experience. Along with her (then) husband (my colleague), the psychologist decided to write a textbook: Managing the Psychological Impact of Medical Trauma. The book was the first to conceptualize medical trauma and provide health care practitioners with best practices for treating trauma in health care settings, trauma ranging from neglect to near-death experiences.

I commend my colleagues for producing a textbook on trauma-informed, patient-centered care, and I lament that it had to be written in the first place. Why has it taken countless stories from grieving women to have their feelings validated? How is it that some medical professionals cannot identify or deal with patients who suffer and cry, patients who are then at risk for PTSD and other mental health disorders due to aversive medical encounters? Such encounters can arise so easily, and they occur too often.

Worse yet, why, when I tried to find out more information about physicians’ reactions to crying patients by googling the topic on the Internet, was the first hit an article titled “Should Doctors Cry at Work?” Give me a break!

Crying holds a significant therapeutic value in medicine. Crying is a natural response to many feelings created by the hardships and uncertainty associated with physical and mental illnesses. Crying can be incorporated into comprehensive patient care plans and inform treatment. But women should not have to cry a river of tears to be accurately diagnosed, tended to with empathy, recognized for courage, and treated respectfully.

ADVERTISEMENT

Arthur Lazarus is a former Doximity Fellow, a member of the editorial board of the American Association for Physician Leadership, and an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. His forthcoming book is titled Every Story Counts: Exploring Contemporary Practice Through Narrative Medicine.

Prev

From aversion to office politics to embracing independence

September 17, 2023 Kevin 0
…
Next

Motorcycle helmet laws: Balancing freedom and financial impact

September 17, 2023 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
From aversion to office politics to embracing independence
Next Post >
Motorcycle helmet laws: Balancing freedom and financial impact

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA

  • International doctors blocked by visa delays as U.S. faces physician shortage

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • How inspiration and family stories shape our most meaningful moments

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • In a fractured world, Brian Wilson’s message still heals

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA

Related Posts

  • Why social media may be causing real emotional harm

    Edwin Leap, MD
  • These are the women who are being told they are not a priority

    Camille C. Imbo, MD
  • Think twice before prescribing opioids as a first-line treatment for pain

    Gary Call, MD
  • Merging the wisdom of pain medicine and addiction medicine to optimize outcomes

    Julie Craig, MD
  • Blame the pain, not the opioids

    Angelika Byczkowski
  • Using low-dose naltrexone to treat pain

    Alex Smith

More in Conditions

  • What Elon Musk and Diddy reveal about the price of power

    Osmund Agbo, MD
  • Understanding depression beyond biology: the power of therapy and meaning

    Maire Daugharty, MD
  • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

    Sarah White, APRN
  • Why perinatal mental health is the top cause of maternal death in the U.S.

    Sheila Noon
  • A world without vaccines: What history teaches us about public health

    Drew Remignanti, MD, MPH
  • Unraveling the mystery behind one of the most dangerous pregnancy complications: preeclampsia

    Thomas McElrath, MD, PhD and Kara Rood, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Who will train the next generation of primary care clinicians without physician mentorship? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • The CDC’s restructuring: Where is the voice of health care in the room?

      Tarek Khrisat, MD | Policy
    • Choosing between care and country: a dual citizen’s Independence Day reflection

      Kathleen Muldoon, PhD | Policy
    • What Elon Musk and Diddy reveal about the price of power

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Conditions
    • 3 tips for using AI medical scribes to save time charting

      Erica Dorn, FNP | Tech

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Who will train the next generation of primary care clinicians without physician mentorship? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • The CDC’s restructuring: Where is the voice of health care in the room?

      Tarek Khrisat, MD | Policy
    • Choosing between care and country: a dual citizen’s Independence Day reflection

      Kathleen Muldoon, PhD | Policy
    • What Elon Musk and Diddy reveal about the price of power

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Conditions
    • 3 tips for using AI medical scribes to save time charting

      Erica Dorn, FNP | Tech

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...