Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A psychiatrist shares her 5 secrets to love

Vanita Braver, MD
Conditions
February 14, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

As a mother of three daughters, I frequently find myself singing along to the catchy tunes of Taylor Swift.  Singer, songwriter, and overall superstar Taylor Swift is famous for penning undeniably captivating love songs. She is popular not only because she has the voice of an angel, a cutting edge look, and a fierce attitude, but also because she is honest and real. Taylor has an uncanny ability to put raw emotion into poetic words. Her lyrics are universally relatable. Young adults can hear a Taylor Swift song, pull out favorite quotes, and better reconcile their own feelings.

Many of the adolescent patients I treat as a psychiatrist are navigating first love and difficult breakups. Young adults often possess a deep yearning to find love. Early romantic love typically occurs suddenly and powerfully. Unfortunately, relationships, which begin quickly, can also easily fizzle out. With minimal experience, they are working through romantic relationships and are susceptible to intense heartache during breakups.

I recently brought my daughters to a Taylor Swift concert.  Throughout the show, I overheard snippets of conversations. Parents and children were all discussing romance, breakups, and if love can ever truly stand the test of time. Many of my teenage and college age patients often turn to the lyrics of Taylor Swift to understand and explain their feelings.

Unfortunately, romantic relationships do not get easier with age. Teenagers are not alone in their quest to discover what it means to truly be in love. Adults also visit my office to work through issues pertaining to relationships, marriage, and divorce.

As a practicing psychiatrist as well as a spouse of nearly two and a half decades, I am able to provide patients with guidance to navigate relationships. I accept love as an enormous, complicated tapestry. The tapestry of love is a mix of friendship, humor, support, and understanding. Challenges, compromise, and acceptance do not destroy the tapestry, but instead are interwoven into the fabric to make it stronger and richer. With my own 25th wedding anniversary just around the corner, I feel inspired to share some lessons I learned along the way.

Understand the concept of forever. The falling in love stage is unparalleled in its magic. Know and accept the infatuation stage will not last forever. Fortunately, the relationship and the love still can! Love is a reciprocal act of will. Authentic, committed love will prevail if you and your partner consistently make conscious choices to do what is best for each other. View your partner or spouse as a best friend to support, cherish and love.

Respect your individual and shared values. In long-term relationships and marriages, it is crucial to display unwavering respect for each other as well as your shared and individual core values. Approach your partner from a position of character. Trust, honesty, and empathy are action words. By placing the same level of sensitivity on issues important to your significant other, you are demonstrating how much you value the one that you love. In addition, the three words, “I am sorry” can be more powerful than “I love you.”

Maintain your intimate connection. There are countless ways to develop and foster intimacy with your partner. Holding hands, kissing hello, deep conversations, incorporating humor, and making eye contact will show your significant other he or she has your undivided attention as well as your interest. It is important to communicate openly, argue constructively, know when to compromise, and resolve conflict respectfully. Never embarrass or put your significant other down in front of others. When addressing issues, watch your tone and use “I” statements to make your point. By being aware, informed, and tolerant of your partner’s interests, dislikes, and vulnerability, you are steadfast in supporting, protecting and honoring him or her.

Strengthen your social network. It is of utmost importance to have a life outside of your relationship. Building your life together as a couple is exciting but it is also crucial to have your own unique hobbies, friends, and interests. You cannot rely on one person to support all of your emotional needs. Understand where and to whom you can go for each of your needs.

Enjoy the freedom of being yourself. There is a misperception that long-term relationships bring with them a loss of freedom. In reality, a strong, committed relationship provides the emotional support and space for you to be who you truly are. A healthy relationship is a sanctuary; a place to come home and let loose. A coveted marriage or relationship is an unconditional, reciprocal love that knows no bounds.

Relationships are not easy. They are, however, worth it.  As Taylor Swift sings, “and life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is ours.”

Vanita Braver is a child and adolescent psychiatrist and author of the Teach Your Children Well book series.  She can be reached at Dr. Vanita.  This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

ADVERTISEMENT

Prev

Black Men in White Coats: Dr. Brian Williams

February 13, 2016 Kevin 6
…
Next

When it comes to positive change, physicians are their own worst enemy

February 14, 2016 Kevin 12
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Black Men in White Coats: Dr. Brian Williams
Next Post >
When it comes to positive change, physicians are their own worst enemy

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Vanita Braver, MD

  • These are the 4 words every child needs to hear

    Vanita Braver, MD
  • 5 parenting tips from a child psychiatrist

    Vanita Braver, MD

Related Posts

  • A love letter to patients

    Marcie Costello
  • To Paxil, with love

    Jennifer L. Barkin, PhD
  • All’s fair in love and medical school

    Jennifer Udom
  • A love-hate relationship with the resume-guided voice

    Lauren Joseph
  • Love something other than medicine? It’s OK.

    Mary Barber
  • Physicians choose love, science, and healing

    Kellie Lease Stecher, MD

More in Conditions

  • Medicaid lags behind on Alzheimer’s blood test coverage

    Amanda Matter
  • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

    Angela Rodriguez, MD
  • Why the Sean Combs trial is a wake-up call for HIV prevention

    Catherine Diamond, MD
  • New surge in misleading ads about diabetes on social media poses a serious health risk

    Laura Syron
  • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

    Harry Oken, MD
  • The critical role of nurse practitioners in colorectal cancer screening

    Elisabeth Evans, FNP
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • How federal actions threaten vaccine policy and trust

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
    • Are we repeating the statin playbook with lipoprotein(a)?

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why taxing remittances harms families and global health care

      Dalia Saha, MD | Finance
  • Recent Posts

    • An addiction physician’s warning about America’s next public health crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Gen Z’s DIY approach to health care

      Amanda Heidemann, MD | Education
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
    • Smart asset protection strategies every doctor needs

      Paul Morton, CFP | Finance
    • The silent cost of choosing personalization over privacy in health care

      Dr. Giriraj Tosh Purohit | Tech
    • How IMGs can find purpose in clinical research [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 4 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • How federal actions threaten vaccine policy and trust

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
    • Are we repeating the statin playbook with lipoprotein(a)?

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why taxing remittances harms families and global health care

      Dalia Saha, MD | Finance
  • Recent Posts

    • An addiction physician’s warning about America’s next public health crisis [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Gen Z’s DIY approach to health care

      Amanda Heidemann, MD | Education
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
    • Smart asset protection strategies every doctor needs

      Paul Morton, CFP | Finance
    • The silent cost of choosing personalization over privacy in health care

      Dr. Giriraj Tosh Purohit | Tech
    • How IMGs can find purpose in clinical research [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

A psychiatrist shares her 5 secrets to love
4 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...