Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

How this physician transitions to becoming an empty nester

Manoj Jain, MD, MPH
Physician
August 30, 2017
Share
Tweet
Share

Next month when our youngest child leaves for college, the biggest change may not be in his life but in ours.

We are done with dropping them off at school, or giving them driving lessons, or helping them with difficult homework assignments: We will officially become “empty nesters.”

My wife and I ponder sitting at the dinner table and standing by the kitchen counter, where exuberant political dialogue takes place, and common sense advice is shared. What will it feel like with no kids in the house: just long periods of silence.

So one evening during a walk with my middle child, while she was home for summer break from college, I shared our dilemma, and she aptly replied. “Dad, you have to figure out what you want to do.”

I thought for a moment, and said the first thing that came to my mind. “But I don’t want to do anything.” Yes, there are patients to care for at the hospitals, a house to maintain, and national healthcare issues needing commentary, but these were all secondary to our primary responsibility for nearly a quarter century of being parents and sharing our day-to-day lives with three children.

For years, I have counseled my children on the choices they will face on their journey to adulthood, calling them the 4 Cs: college, career, companion, and city. But what about me? As I reach the age of post childhood raising and pre-retirement years, what are my priorities? After months of pondering, I told my children what it is: the three Ds.

First, is “De-stress.” With less day-to-day responsibility of children and more time in hand, I have a choice. I can add more working hours or use the time to reduce the day-to-day stress in life, for example, by watching more movies, listening to music, working on my writing, or reading a book. Stress in any stage of life is harmful, but as we age, the effect of that harm becomes more apparent with risk of heart attack, ulcers, stokes and even common infectious illnesses.

The second priority in this “empty nester” stage of life is to “Detach.” This is hard to do. All our life we have been gathering material goods, which may be a house, a car or a new electronic gadget. Each time, we wanted more — a bigger house, a better car or a more updated gadget. Now, it may be the time to reflect on what I “need” versus what I “want.” Becoming detached is a way of saying to ourselves that we are content with what we have.

Detachment needs to go beyond materials. We need to begin detaching from our pride and ego. We don’t need another award for community service or praise at work to feel our self-worth. Becoming detached is a way of saying to ourselves that we are content with who we are.

And maybe a little detached from our children. Being a helicopter parent is OK when kids are in elementary or middle school, but once they are in college or graduate school, it is out of place because it does not give them enough room to grow.

The third priority in the preretirement years is to “Define.” I believe that as we age, we need to begin to define our legacy, that is, who we are, what we believe in, and what contribution do we want to make to our children, our family, our work, our church and our community. Consciously and proactively defining a legacy allows completeness to the narrative of our life.

Change is not easy but the 3Ds, De-stress, Detach and Define, may be natural consequences of age and time. I may have only realized this after my daughter asked me, “What do you want to do?” And now, I have an answer.

Manoj Jain is an infectious disease physician and contributor to the Washington Post and the Commercial Appeal. This article originally appeared in the Huffington Post.  He can be reached at his self-titled site, Dr. Manoj Jain. 

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Alarm fatigue is problem. Here's a pragmatic solution.

August 30, 2017 Kevin 0
…
Next

The Big Short in health care: What happens after the bubble bursts

August 30, 2017 Kevin 2
…

Tagged as: Infectious Disease, Practice Management, Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Alarm fatigue is problem. Here's a pragmatic solution.
Next Post >
The Big Short in health care: What happens after the bubble bursts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Manoj Jain, MD, MPH

  • 3 steps to a better health care system

    Manoj Jain, MD, MPH
  • Health care in American is on life support, and the future is uncharted

    Manoj Jain, MD, MPH
  • Science is the truth we can bet our life on

    Manoj Jain, MD, MPH

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • The black physician’s burden

    Naomi Tweyo Nkinsi
  • Why this physician supports Medicare for all

    Thad Salmon, MD
  • Embrace the teamwork involved in becoming a physician

    Nathaniel Fleming

More in Physician

  • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

    Howard Smith, MD
  • The hidden chains holding doctors back

    Neil Baum, MD
  • 9 proven ways to gain cooperation in health care without commanding

    Patrick Hudson, MD
  • Why physicians deserve more than an oxygen mask

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • More than a meeting: Finding education, inspiration, and community in internal medicine [PODCAST]

    American College of Physicians & The Podcast by KevinMD
  • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

    Trisza Leann Ray, DO
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Bureaucracy over care: How the U.S. health care system lost its way

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
    • The hidden bias in how we treat chronic pain

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
  • Recent Posts

    • How conflicts of interest are eroding trust in U.S. health agencies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why young doctors in South Korea feel broken before they even begin

      Anonymous | Education
    • Measles is back: Why vaccination is more vital than ever

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Physician job change: Navigating your 457 plan and avoiding tax traps [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden chains holding doctors back

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Bureaucracy over care: How the U.S. health care system lost its way

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
    • The hidden bias in how we treat chronic pain

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
  • Recent Posts

    • How conflicts of interest are eroding trust in U.S. health agencies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why young doctors in South Korea feel broken before they even begin

      Anonymous | Education
    • Measles is back: Why vaccination is more vital than ever

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • Physician job change: Navigating your 457 plan and avoiding tax traps [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden chains holding doctors back

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

How this physician transitions to becoming an empty nester
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...