Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

When a physician gets yelled at

Jordan Grumet, MD
Physician
May 4, 2018
Share
Tweet
Share

It was not so much the words as the overall tone of the interaction. The doctor-patient relationship had been generally affable. There was the usual exchange of pleasantries over the years. Questions about family, children, and grandchildren. It was a good relationship — until Harvey got sick, that is.

Originally, there was weight loss and fatigue. The initial physical exam and slew of testing showed nothing but a frail, cachectic, middle-aged man. A few CT scans later, and he was in the oncologist’s office discussing chemotherapy. A regimen was decided on, and therapy began the next day.

Therapy was hard. Nausea. Retching. More weight loss. Far from feeling better or cured, Harvey could feel the clothes slipping from his emaciated body. It was as if life itself was drip dripping away as the chemo bulldozed into his broken veins. And this pissed Harvey off.

He lashed his family. He cursed his friends. He spun into a whirlwind of the most resistant depression. A depression, his therapist would later tell me, whose only salve was anger. While the anger allowed him to carry on, often he left those around him scorched.

His doctors were no exception. We often spent half of each visit withstanding abuse before getting down to the business of the appointment. He blamed us for the cancer. He blamed us for the lousy response. He blamed us for the side effects of his abysmal treatment.

So when I walked into the hospital room to tell him the scans showed his latest chemotherapy had failed to stem the red tide of death, I have to admit that I had already somewhat detached. How could I not? Although he was fairly lathered by the results, it was the mentioning of hospice that finally led to my expulsion. His wife ran after me with tears in her eyes. I’m quite certain that she paid dearly for her kind act of decorum.

Harvey died shortly thereafter.

I am prone to remember the pleasantries Harvey, and I enjoyed before his health deteriorated. I am neither disturbed nor saddened by the anger. I cannot even say that I would not have been the same way if I had been lying in his hospital bed.

What surprises me, in retrospect, is how little he affected me and how his anger didn’t penetrate the hardened shell.

Over my career, I have been yelled at, cursed, blamed, hugged and even loved by my patients. And like the poor life force oozing out of Harvey’s beleaguered body, it drip drips down my back.

And into a forgotten puddle on the ground.

Jordan Grumet is an internal medicine physician who blogs at In My Humble Opinion. Watch his talk at dotMED 2013, Caring 2.0: Social Media and the Rise Of The Empathic Physician. He is the author of Five Moments: Short Works of Fiction and I Am Your Doctor: and This Is My Humble Opinion.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

ADVERTISEMENT

Prev

5 ways young physicians can advocate for themselves

May 4, 2018 Kevin 0
…
Next

May the 4th be with you: medical education lessons from Star Wars

May 4, 2018 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
5 ways young physicians can advocate for themselves
Next Post >
May the 4th be with you: medical education lessons from Star Wars

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Jordan Grumet, MD

  • The man who changed the world with baseball cards

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • A hospice doctor’s advice on getting your finances in order

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • A story of persistence in the face of death

    Jordan Grumet, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Why health care replaced physician care

    Michael Weiss, MD
  • More physician responsibility for patient care

    Michael R. McGuire
  • Health care needs more physician CEOs

    Alexi Nazem, MD
  • Denying payment for emergency care: a physician defends insurers

    Michael Kirsch, MD
  • The health care system will cause its own physician shortage

    Advait Suvarnakar and Aashka Suvarnakar

More in Physician

  • Why working in Hawai’i health care isn’t all paradise

    Clayton Foster, MD
  • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

    Patrick Hudson, MD
  • Why compassion—not credentials—defines great doctors

    Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib
  • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

    Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD
  • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

    Maureen Gibbons, MD
  • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

    Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Who will train the next generation of primary care clinicians without physician mentorship? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • The CDC’s restructuring: Where is the voice of health care in the room?

      Tarek Khrisat, MD | Policy
    • Choosing between care and country: a dual citizen’s Independence Day reflection

      Kathleen Muldoon, PhD | Policy
    • What Elon Musk and Diddy reveal about the price of power

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Conditions
    • 3 tips for using AI medical scribes to save time charting

      Erica Dorn, FNP | Tech

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 3 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Who will train the next generation of primary care clinicians without physician mentorship? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • The CDC’s restructuring: Where is the voice of health care in the room?

      Tarek Khrisat, MD | Policy
    • Choosing between care and country: a dual citizen’s Independence Day reflection

      Kathleen Muldoon, PhD | Policy
    • What Elon Musk and Diddy reveal about the price of power

      Osmund Agbo, MD | Conditions
    • 3 tips for using AI medical scribes to save time charting

      Erica Dorn, FNP | Tech

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

When a physician gets yelled at
3 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...