Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Death is what gives life meaning

Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
Physician
September 15, 2022
Share
Tweet
Share

“He knew it was his time a month ago. We were sitting at the kitchen table, and he told me he couldn’t feel half his face. He kept tapping the left side and saying he couldn’t feel anything. I knew he had a stroke because my daughter had one. He was stubborn, didn’t want to go to the doctor.”

One week ago, I saw Mr. Samson for the first time in the ED. He was a 70-year-old gentleman with end-stage renal disease and cirrhosis but came in for blood in stool for the past few days. We did the entire GI bleed workup for him. No esophageal varices were seen but found the gastric ulcer causing the bleeding.

Though after two days, Mr. Samson wouldn’t wake up from his sleep. Even hard sternal rubs only triggered some eye-opening. It wasn’t his liver or breathing that caused his obtunded state. CT of his brain did not show anything, but an MRI of his brain showed multiple small infarcts. He had multiple strokes.

Miraculously, Mr. Samson started to say a few words and phrases to his family and us.

“I would like some water.”

“I’m in pain.”

“I want to go home.”

That one good day of progress turned into hell. In the late evening, his oxygen levels plummeted to the 80s and the nurse called rapid response. My phone rang, and I ran across the hospital to his room, with all of his family at his side. I heard diffuse crackles in both of his lungs, and a chest x-ray confirmed what I heard.

Mr. Samson was dying, and I stood next to him in fear. He had a non-rebreather mask on, and his breathing was more labored by the minute.

He was DNR/DNI, and when my attending came, the family stated they did not want us to do anything more.

It was decided to transition Mr. Samson to inpatient hospice. The family wanted the breathing mask off of him and for no dialysis to be done.

As his nurse turned off the oxygen and slowly removed the mask, I can only remember seeing the family look at ease. They talked about memories of Mr. Samson playing with his grandchildren and how he was full of life until recent months.

I went home that night in tears, not knowing how long he would live. In the morning, the night team told me he passed away a few hours after I left for home. Brain stem reflexes were absent. No cardiac activity. No spontaneous breathing.

ADVERTISEMENT

Time of death 9:06 p.m.

Mr. Samson came to the hospital with one active medical problem. It ended with his sudden passing.

I’ve never had to write a death note until now. I had to come back to it several times during the day before finishing the note and signing it.

Mr. Samson is my first patient to pass away. I remember on that one good day, he opened his eyes for me and squeezed my hand when I asked him if he could. I think I saw him crack a small smile for me.

Life is tenuous, filled with both good times and hardships. None of us know how long we are on this Earth. I was once told that death is what gives life meaning. We spend the time we have working, providing for our families, and sharing moments with those we love until it’s our time to go.

I hope you are in Heaven, Mr. Samson. Rest easy.

Ton La, Jr. is a physician and can be reached on LinkedIn.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

How pediatricians can get involved with behavioral health

September 15, 2022 Kevin 0
…
Next

Don't give up on private practice just yet

September 15, 2022 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Palliative Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
How pediatricians can get involved with behavioral health
Next Post >
Don't give up on private practice just yet

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Ton La, Jr., MD, JD

  • Pain and laughter for a veteran patient

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • Unlock the secrets to aging gracefully: specialized care and support for elderly patients

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • Unveiling the global pandemic threat: insights into risk factors and urgent measures for prevention

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD

Related Posts

  • My grandfather’s death: What I’ve learned about life

    Munera Ahmed
  • Ethical humanism: life after #medbikini and an approach to reimagining professionalism

    Jay Wong
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • The life cycle of medication consumption

    Fery Pashang, PharmD
  • A physician’s take on thoughts and prayers

    Earl Stewart, Jr., MD
  • My first end-of-life conversation

    Shereen Jeyakumar

More in Physician

  • The truth in medicine: Why connection matters most

    Ryan Nadelson, MD
  • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

    Tom Phan, MD
  • Why “the best physicians” risk burnout and isolation

    Scott Abramson, MD
  • Why real medicine is more than quick labels

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • Stop blaming burnout: the real cause of unhappiness

    Sanj Katyal, MD
  • Breaking the martyrdom trap in medicine

    Patrick Hudson, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • How federal actions threaten vaccine policy and trust

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • Are we repeating the statin playbook with lipoprotein(a)?

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • When the clinic becomes the battlefield: Defending rural health care in the age of AI-driven attacks

      Holland Haynie, MD | Physician
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
    • The truth in medicine: Why connection matters most

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why taxing remittances harms families and global health care

      Dalia Saha, MD | Finance
  • Recent Posts

    • The truth in medicine: Why connection matters most

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why trust and simplicity matter more than buzzwords in hospital AI

      Rafael Rolon Rivera, MD | Tech
    • Putting food allergy safety on the menu [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • Why “the best physicians” risk burnout and isolation

      Scott Abramson, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • How federal actions threaten vaccine policy and trust

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • Are we repeating the statin playbook with lipoprotein(a)?

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • When the clinic becomes the battlefield: Defending rural health care in the age of AI-driven attacks

      Holland Haynie, MD | Physician
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
    • The truth in medicine: Why connection matters most

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician
    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why taxing remittances harms families and global health care

      Dalia Saha, MD | Finance
  • Recent Posts

    • The truth in medicine: Why connection matters most

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why trust and simplicity matter more than buzzwords in hospital AI

      Rafael Rolon Rivera, MD | Tech
    • Putting food allergy safety on the menu [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • Why “the best physicians” risk burnout and isolation

      Scott Abramson, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Death is what gives life meaning
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...