Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A medical student confronts life outside the hospital

Shirley K. Nah
Education
August 22, 2017
Share
Tweet
Share

There is a feeling that you get when you’re out at a dinner party standing and smiling at strangers as they walk by you — a temptation to rest on the “wow” factor of your medical training. Partly because peacocking is inherent to social events such as these, but partly because you fear that you’re inherently boring to people outside your field. The surest way, you think, is to announce that you’re in medicine and bask in the raised eye-brows and approving nods that previously alluded you in smaller talk.

“Oh, what kind?” The inevitable next question, and soon you own the conversation that was minutes before centered around local spin classes. Now, you think, your relevance and worth is known.

It’s a terrible feeling to have to do this. Countless articles have already been written about the isolating feeling the medical profession has on their staff and care givers. Very few people outside of medicine understand the rigors and small accomplishments that make this line of work more than just a nine-to-five. To the other people at this event, it’s just another evening out with friends, but for you, it’s the rare social event; the one you’ve rearranged call schedule for, the first time you’ve worn clothes that aren’t clinic appropriate. This is your one night off in nearly two weeks.

The thing about labeling yourself a health care provider is that you’ve ensured that the hospital never leaves you — effectively imprisoning yourself with your own title. You become a purveyor of health information and a gate-keeper to scandalous stories of patients-past. The health and misery of other people is great gossip to strangers, and insecurity drives you to indulge, but very quickly you feel protective of those patients you now parade. So, you learn with time to stand quietly and smile.

If you’re like me, an early trainee with many friends outside of the medical field, your text messages, emails, and social media are inundated with updates on the hobbies, travels, and petty gripes your friends encounter daily; things you no longer have the luxury of participating in, and things which seem so small given the weight of your daily demands.

I recently went through a period where I deeply resented receiving these updates. Rolling my eyes as I read a snarky email exchange between two young professionals who were weighing the superiority of sailing vs. rowing classes. Praying for a lobotomy while listening to several friends complain about the misery of attending an earlier gym class with a different, and therefore inherently inferior, instructor to the one they normally see. Worse yet was after a failed code, I returned to 100 unread texts centered around a friend who was complaining about her co-worker’s bad haircut. If they only knew, I thought, they would be ashamed of what they take for granted.

But it’s I who should be ashamed. Yes, medicine is draining, it can be all-demanding and literally life or death, but who am I to begrudge other people for living their lives? For having the desire to confide in me? This attitude of being frustrated with petty and small things is actually a reflection of my own priorities. My work, I believed, was inherently superior and anything that interfered had grave consequences for my patients, which meant I myself could not afford to engage in life outside of medicine.

If you asked me, I’d say “But of course extracurriculars are important!” — but I rarely pursued them. I could barely entertain the mention of them, and I had nothing to offer in the way of conversation except mild disdain. Hobbies? Gym? Self-care? Those are petty and small. Who has time to be selfish except for the inherently selfish? No one is as selfless as I am, screamed the fool within. But the inclination to rest on my profession in moments of insecurity was, in fact, an act of highest vanity. It’s as if I was saying, “I can’t weigh in on this particular topic because what I do is so important — let’s talk about what I do instead.”

Once I noticed the imbalance, I was shocked to find that it didn’t just affect my small talk, it was inundating every part of my life. I was a terrible human to resent my friends for having hobbies. In fact, I was jealous that they could carve out time to pursue things that I believed I couldn’t achieve until retirement. Truly, I should feel lucky to have the support network of pals who want to gripe and vent in my general direction.

Later, I discovered that they were trying to get me to open up about my own day, something I avoided doing because it was too somber, too intense for the light conversation at hand. Now, I challenge myself to leave my title at the hospital. It’s very humbling to realize that outside of my work, I’m actually an underdeveloped person. How scary to think that I was excusing my absence in my own life by my own perceived importance. Now at dinner parties, I fight the urge to make myself seem more interesting by revealing my work. Instead, I work to seem more interested, and I find that I am more present now than I ever have been. 10/10 would recommend.

Shirley Nah is a medical student.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Why a pediatrician does what he does: Lessons from Caleb

August 22, 2017 Kevin 0
…
Next

This doctor sings to her patients. And the results are beautiful.

August 22, 2017 Kevin 1
…

ADVERTISEMENT

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine, Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Why a pediatrician does what he does: Lessons from Caleb
Next Post >
This doctor sings to her patients. And the results are beautiful.

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • How medical school saved this student’s life

    Natasha Abadilla
  • What inspires this medical student

    Jamie Katuna
  • Scent of a hospital: a medical student’s perspective in a developing country

    Ifrah Fatima
  • Why this medical student tutors

    Michelle Ikoma
  • A psychiatric hospital in Uganda: a medical student’s reflection

    Brian Rosen
  • Patients are an integral part of medical student education

    Orly Farber

More in Education

  • Graduating from medical school without family: a story of strength and survival

    Anonymous
  • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

    Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH
  • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

    Sarah White, APRN
  • Bridging the rural surgical care gap with rotating health care teams

    Ankit Jain
  • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

    Hiba Fatima Hamid
  • The hidden cost of becoming a doctor: a South Asian perspective

    Momeina Aslam
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Key strategies for smooth EHR transitions in health care

      Sandra Johnson | Tech
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • “Think twice, heal once”: Why medical decision-making needs a second opinion from your slower brain (and AI)

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Bureaucracy over care: How the U.S. health care system lost its way

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why gambling addiction is America’s next health crisis

      Safina Adatia, MD | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • How robotics are reshaping the future of vascular procedures

      David Fischel | Conditions
    • Medicalizing burnout misses the real problem

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How the shingles vaccine could help prevent dementia

      Marc Arginteanu, MD | Conditions
    • How to survive a broken health care system without losing yourself [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Key strategies for smooth EHR transitions in health care

      Sandra Johnson | Tech
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • “Think twice, heal once”: Why medical decision-making needs a second opinion from your slower brain (and AI)

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Bureaucracy over care: How the U.S. health care system lost its way

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why gambling addiction is America’s next health crisis

      Safina Adatia, MD | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • How robotics are reshaping the future of vascular procedures

      David Fischel | Conditions
    • Medicalizing burnout misses the real problem

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How the shingles vaccine could help prevent dementia

      Marc Arginteanu, MD | Conditions
    • How to survive a broken health care system without losing yourself [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...