Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

White nationalists are marching through my town

Taison Bell, MD
Physician
August 14, 2017
Share
Tweet
Share

I spent the week in meetings discussing logistics and hospital preparations for the alt-right’s “Unite the Right” rally to be held this weekend in my hometown of Charlottesville, VA. We discussed the likely injuries that would occur, how we were going to decrease the hospital census to deal with potential overflow, methods of securing the campus, and the latest police updates.

On Friday afternoon I summed up our discussions with my medical ICU colleagues and then happily wrote an out of office message; because, lucky for me, vacation is starting and I’ll be out of town for all of this. I even went to bed early to get ready for a long drive to the Northeast. But then the text messages started coming, asking if I was ok and if I had made it out of town yet. There were white nationalists — with lit torches — marching and chanting anti-minority and anti-immigrant slogans through town.

I have always had a complicated relationship with Charlottesville. I love the small town atmosphere, the Blue Ridge Mountains and all the other things that have landed this small central Virginia town on multiple best places lists.

Yet, I grew up an hour’s drive away and remember hearing and reading stories of the racial tensions that would occasionally flare up. I later became an undergrad at the University of Virginia and experienced these tensions firsthand. While these tensions certainly were not isolated to Charlottesville, they seemed to amplify here due to the prominence of the University, its reverence for a founding father who owned slaves, and — more recently — its statues honoring the Confederacy.

Nevertheless, I was excited to move here five weeks ago to start my first job out of training. I managed to brush off the Ku Klux Klan rally that occurred during my first weekend. But this weekend, with its images of angry white men shouting with torches and the violence taking place steps from where I live, invokes the racial terrorism I studied in accounts from our history. The abstract is now intensely personal. A car plowed into a crowd of protesters in the same spot my son and I watched a music performance the week before. My life is forever changed.

A few months ago I wrote an argument — essentially to myself — that my professional obligation as a physician was to try to understand people who continue to support the political right as its more extreme white nationalist elements have infiltrated the mainstream discourse. I tried because I did not want to let my personal feelings potentially affect the way I deliver care.

But I also tried because I wanted to keep good relationships with friends and colleagues despite our profound disagreements. I tried, but I failed. I failed because “to be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant state of rage,” as James Baldwin so concisely stated. I failed because I am human, and I refused to sacrifice a part of my humanity for the sake of accommodation. Rather than trying to reconcile, I decided to simply push these sentiments to a separate space in my professional life. A space where I learned early on in my training how to ignore my own needs (like food and sleep) for the sake of being available for my patients. Where I learned to ignore racist garb and statements when I encountered them. Where I learned to introduce myself as “Dr. Bell,” and quickly move in with a reassuring authority to occupy the awkward silence created if my presence elicited a split-second hesitation.

My belief was that creating this space allowed me to function well in my role as a care provider and hospital administrator. So throughout my discussions about hospital preparedness, I didn’t have to question how I would feel caring for someone injured while demonstrating against racial equality. If I’m their doctor, nothing else matters, and they will get my full effort. This strategy has worked well, but it has also left me with a blind spot. I wasn’t able to anticipate the images of racial terrorism blanketing the news coverage ahead of time and reflect on how it may affect me. I couldn’t visualize the death and destruction where I shared laughs and treats with my son just days before. I couldn’t see all of this happening in my new home. But now that I have seen and experienced this, my space to isolate these feelings is growing in my conscience. And I wonder for how much longer I can control it.

Taison Bell is an internal medicine physician.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Today, I hugged a stranger

August 14, 2017 Kevin 1
…
Next

Improve Medicaid with these simple steps

August 14, 2017 Kevin 35
…

Tagged as: Emergency Medicine, Hospital-Based Medicine

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Today, I hugged a stranger
Next Post >
Improve Medicaid with these simple steps

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Taison Bell, MD

  • Resist! The invasion of computers in health care

    Taison Bell, MD
  • A tribute to the pharmacist

    Taison Bell, MD
  • It’s time to teach residents money management skills

    Taison Bell, MD

Related Posts

  • Medicine vs. racism: white coats for black lives

    Divya Seth, MD, MPH
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Doctors aren’t just white coats without a face

    Devon Romano
  • Why academic medicine needs to value physician contributions to online platforms

    Ariela L. Marshall, MD
  • Deploring racism isn’t enough: Addressing white privilege in medical school

    Jessica Cranston
  • This didn’t happen every day in a small town ER

    Brian Alexander

More in Physician

  • When cancer costs too much: Why financial toxicity deserves a place in clinical conversations

    Yousuf Zafar, MD
  • The hidden rewards of a primary care career

    Jerina Gani, MD, MPH
  • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

    Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD
  • 10 hard truths about practicing medicine they don’t teach in school

    Steven Goldsmith, MD
  • How I learned to love my unique name as a doctor

    Zoran Naumovski, MD
  • What Beauty and the Beast taught me about risk

    Jayson Greenberg, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • IMGs are the future of U.S. primary care

      Adam Brandon Bondoc, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors struggle with family caregiving and how to find grace [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • When cancer costs too much: Why financial toxicity deserves a place in clinical conversations

      Yousuf Zafar, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • How a doctor defied a hurricane to save a life

      Dharam Persaud-Sharma, MD, PhD | Physician
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • When cancer costs too much: Why financial toxicity deserves a place in clinical conversations

      Yousuf Zafar, MD | Physician
    • Psychiatrist tests ketogenic diet for mental health benefits

      Zane Kaleem, MD | Conditions
    • The hidden rewards of a primary care career

      Jerina Gani, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Why physicians should not be their own financial planner

      Michelle Neiswender, CFP | Finance
    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • 10 hard truths about practicing medicine they don’t teach in school

      Steven Goldsmith, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 3 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • IMGs are the future of U.S. primary care

      Adam Brandon Bondoc, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors struggle with family caregiving and how to find grace [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • When cancer costs too much: Why financial toxicity deserves a place in clinical conversations

      Yousuf Zafar, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • How a doctor defied a hurricane to save a life

      Dharam Persaud-Sharma, MD, PhD | Physician
    • What street medicine taught me about healing

      Alina Kang | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • When cancer costs too much: Why financial toxicity deserves a place in clinical conversations

      Yousuf Zafar, MD | Physician
    • Psychiatrist tests ketogenic diet for mental health benefits

      Zane Kaleem, MD | Conditions
    • The hidden rewards of a primary care career

      Jerina Gani, MD, MPH | Physician
    • Why physicians should not be their own financial planner

      Michelle Neiswender, CFP | Finance
    • Why doctors regret specialty choices in their 30s

      Jeremiah J. Whittington, MD | Physician
    • 10 hard truths about practicing medicine they don’t teach in school

      Steven Goldsmith, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

White nationalists are marching through my town
3 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...