Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Doctor, how are you, really?

Deborah Courtney
Patient
April 26, 2019
Share
Tweet
Share

My longtime psychiatrist died by suicide.

It still doesn’t seem real. It’s nearly impossible to accept that someone who had the talent and resources to help so many others couldn’t avail himself of the help that he needed.

It’s even harder to accept that I sensed something was wrong and didn’t do anything about it.

I’d known him for years. In the final months of our relationship, the changes in his attitude and behavior were so sudden and marked that I considered addressing it.

I didn’t. The reasons are complex. On the day of our last session, things changed. He looked better than he had in months. His once orderly office, which had fallen into a state of utter disarray, was neater than ever. While there were some confusing moments, it was an aura of calm that prevailed. I allowed this to cloud my judgment. I mistook resignation for resolution — I now believe he had accepted his fate. The seeming calm may have been the result of the relief that accompanies making a decision. Only in hindsight did I realize that a few obscure comments he made that day were his way of saying goodbye. Because six days later, he was dead.

I have forgiven myself for not acting on my initial instincts. I know that had it been anyone else, even a casual acquaintance, I wouldn’t have hesitated to address my concerns. So why didn’t I? Mainly because he was a doctor. A psychiatrist. An accomplished and highly regarded professional in his field, with all of the trappings of success, and the appearance of someone who had it all.

Coincidentally, if anyone should have been aware of the signs, it should have been me. I am intimately familiar with depression. I’ve never been suicidal, but, in the saddest of ironies, it was my late doctor who encouraged me to volunteer for a suicide prevention hotline. I was trained to assess suicide risk.

However, I know that doesn’t mean I would be capable of detecting suicidal ideation in someone trained to hide it.

I know I couldn’t have saved him. I learned that he had sought help, and mental health professionals couldn’t save him. I can’t help but wonder how his status in the medical community influenced his treatment. While I’m not privy to all the details, I know that others knew he was suicidal. He had even expressed to others the specific means by which he planned to kill himself. Was he treated differently than a layperson would have been treated under the same circumstances?

Since his death, I’ve become aware of the suicide rate among physicians. According to a presentation at the 2018 annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, physicians now have the highest suicide rate of any profession. The healers upon whom we all rely are now among the most vulnerable.

I’m concerned that the same stressors that are contributing to the increase in physician suicide are adversely affecting American medicine on a daily basis.

These days, in my world, hypersensitivity rules. If I sense despair, I’ll address it, no matter who, when, or where. And the next time a physician wants to walk me out to the parking lot after my appointment? I won’t drive away without inquiring about his health. And meaning it.

Deborah Courtney is a patient.

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

What are the best student loan repayment plans for medical students and residents?

April 26, 2019 Kevin 0
…
Next

When is a check-up not a check-up?

April 26, 2019 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
What are the best student loan repayment plans for medical students and residents?
Next Post >
When is a check-up not a check-up?

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • Osler and the doctor-patient relationship

    Leonard Wang
  • Studying to be a doctor, while living as a patient

    Claudia Martinez
  • It’s the little things that can make or break the doctor-patient relationship

    David Penner
  • Doctor-patient relationships would die without this one thing

    David Penner
  • Finding a new doctor is like dating

    R. Lynn Barnett
  • Coronavirus and my doctor daughter

    Carol Ewig

More in Patient

  • AI’s role in streamlining colorectal cancer screening [PODCAST]

    The Podcast by KevinMD
  • There’s no one to drive your patient home

    Denise Reich
  • Dying is a selfish business

    Nancie Wiseman Attwater
  • A story of a good death

    Carol Ewig
  • We are warriors: doctors and patients

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Patient care is not a spectator sport

    Jim Sholler
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • 5 blind spots that stall physician wealth

      Johnny Medina, MSc | Finance
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Why judgment is hurting doctors—and how mindfulness can heal

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • Why medical schools must ditch lectures and embrace active learning

      Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA | Education
    • Why helping people means more than getting an MD

      Vaishali Jha | Education
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • Why evidence-based management may be an effective strategy for stronger health care leadership and equity

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 8 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • 5 blind spots that stall physician wealth

      Johnny Medina, MSc | Finance
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Why judgment is hurting doctors—and how mindfulness can heal

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • Why medical schools must ditch lectures and embrace active learning

      Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA | Education
    • Why helping people means more than getting an MD

      Vaishali Jha | Education
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • Why evidence-based management may be an effective strategy for stronger health care leadership and equity

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Doctor, how are you, really?
8 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...