Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

An oath I cannot keep

Anonymous
Education
May 12, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

This week I will be taking the physician’s oath.

I am a person who only makes promises I can keep. Thus, I am struggling with committing myself to certain parts of the oath.

Reflecting over the last four years of medical school, I can say with certainty that I hated my medical school experience. I left my family/friends and the diverse, immigrant-cultured society that I’ve known my whole life for the homogeneous, passive-aggressive culture of the midwest. I never doubted my “Americanness” until I was bullied for my “coaster” accent and faced with daily microaggressions reminding me of why I don’t fit in. It wasn’t until my first-year peer evaluations came back that the implicit became explicit when an anonymous classmate felt the need to tell me I’m “a fraud” and to “go back to where you came from because you don’t belong in the Midwest.”

Daily microaggressions and/or explicit racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination became the routine way of life as the incidence only increased during clinicals. But the real hell for me was the peer stalking and harassment I endured across the four years.

I never imagined I would be leaving my home to go study medicine and have to lose my sense of safety in the process. Five minutes into a friend’s birthday party, I am being grabbed from the back by a drunk classmate who I’ve time and again stated I do not wish to have any engagement with them. They don’t let go and keep pursuing as I rush into a corner, hoping they will back off. As I rush out trying to get to my car, they block my car door, again professing their love one second and then swearing at me the next. It was the first time I had been afraid for my life.

What came out of that night was a loss of my sense of safety, an internal no-contact order with the school to provide a false sense of safety, and acute stress disorder. But what good was a no-contact order when he knew where I lived, my car make and model, and where I am scheduled to be throughout the day?

The worst part was the lack of support. Peers rushed to support the harasser. I was asked by the administration as to whether I instigated the behavior, as though this behavior is excusable. And with just a slap on the wrist and a “talking to,” the harassment continued. In 3 months’ time, the stalking continued with intimidation at bus stops and him following me during class, until the acute stress disorder turned into PTSD.

For my sanity, I opted to leave, packed up all my belongs and gave up my apartment to travel from one city to the next to complete my rotations. Essentially living out of my car, I at least rekindled some feeling of safety. That was until my harasser resorted to online bullying: mass messaging hundreds of medical students, professing his love for me indirectly, and then playing the victim by stating I am the physically and emotionally abusive one. Another PTSD trigger, another slap on the wrist.

With no real consequences, my harasser got bolder each time. Even toward the end of medical school, he decided to engage in direct contact, an irrefutable violation of the contract. And even then, nothing but a slap on the wrist, and with our impending graduation, wiping the administration’s hands clean.

I left my home to study medicine and be the best doctor I could be for my patients. I agreed to leave home because I was promised I would be provided a safe learning environment.

Now four years have passed. How am I to promise to treat my colleagues as my brothers and sisters when so many of them discriminated against my out-of-state differences and supported harassment and stalking? How am I to promise to give my teachers the respect and gratitude that is their due when they too chose to support harassment and stalking by sweeping the behavior under the rug instead of enforcing responsibility?

Despite these unnecessary challenges, I survived medical school and am thankful to say I get to put this chapter behind me. But to commit to such an oath requires trust. And without accountability, there can be no trust.

The author is an anonymous medical student.

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

An orthopedic surgeon goes to the COVID frontlines

May 12, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

My professional life battling an RNA virus

May 12, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
An orthopedic surgeon goes to the COVID frontlines
Next Post >
My professional life battling an RNA virus

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Anonymous

  • Medical students in Korea face expulsion for speaking out

    Anonymous
  • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

    Anonymous
  • The altar of equity: a cautionary tale from the temple of healing

    Anonymous

Related Posts

  • The medical education system hates families

    Anonymous
  • The unintended consequences of free medical school

    Anonymous
  • The Osteopathic Oath vs. the Hippocratic Oath

    Liz Hills, DO
  • Is apathy needed to survive medical school?

    Anonymous
  • Moral injury in medical school

    Anonymous
  • End medical school grades

    Adam Lieber

More in Education

  • How dismantling DEI endangers the future of medical care

    Shashank Madhu and Christian Tallo
  • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

    ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD
  • In the absence of physician mentorship, who will train the next generation of primary care clinicians?

    Kenneth Botelho, DMSc, PA-C
  • The moment I knew medicine needed more than science

    Vaishali Jha
  • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

    Ankit Jain
  • Medical students in Korea face expulsion for speaking out

    Anonymous
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The dreaded question: Do you have boys or girls?

      Pamela Adelstein, MD | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • The hidden cost of delaying back surgery

      Gbolahan Okubadejo, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Internal Medicine 2025: inspiration at the annual meeting

      American College of Physicians | Physician
    • What happened to real care in health care?

      Christopher H. Foster, PhD, MPA | Policy
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Are quotas a solution to physician shortages?

      Jacob Murphy | Education
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • Addressing America’s reliance on psychotropic medication [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden cost of malpractice: Why doctors are losing control

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Rediscovering the soul of medicine in the quiet of a Sunday morning

      Syed Ahmad Moosa, MD | Physician
    • An introduction to occupational and environmental medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Does silence as a faculty retention strategy in academic medicine and health sciences work?

      Sylk Sotto, EdD, MPS, MBA | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 2 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The dreaded question: Do you have boys or girls?

      Pamela Adelstein, MD | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • The hidden cost of delaying back surgery

      Gbolahan Okubadejo, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Internal Medicine 2025: inspiration at the annual meeting

      American College of Physicians | Physician
    • What happened to real care in health care?

      Christopher H. Foster, PhD, MPA | Policy
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Are quotas a solution to physician shortages?

      Jacob Murphy | Education
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • Addressing America’s reliance on psychotropic medication [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The hidden cost of malpractice: Why doctors are losing control

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Rediscovering the soul of medicine in the quiet of a Sunday morning

      Syed Ahmad Moosa, MD | Physician
    • An introduction to occupational and environmental medicine [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Does silence as a faculty retention strategy in academic medicine and health sciences work?

      Sylk Sotto, EdD, MPS, MBA | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

An oath I cannot keep
2 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...