A physician in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) requires vast medical knowledge along with emotional resilience. I always thought I had a strong sense of compassion for my patients and their families until I had my own baby 1.5 years ago. It completely shifted my perspective. I started to understand parental grief and fear on a personal level, which reshaped my approach to work.

Before having a baby, I was confident in my ability to empathize with parents and help them through their darkest moments. I approached each case with a combination of clinical knowledge and emotional support, offering comfort during the worst moments of their lives. However, becoming a parent has deepened this empathy in ways I could never have imagined.

Deepening empathy through personal experience

I thought I understood the impact of a child’s illness on a family. Now, I feel it more on a personal and emotional level. The love I have for my daughter has made me extremely aware of the agony that parents endure when their child is suffering. I now see their fear and hope with a new, more intense, and deeply personal insight. This newly realized empathy has improved my interactions with families and empowered me to offer not just medical guidance but genuine emotional support and understanding.

The emotional paradox: heightened anxiety and professional care

Parenthood has also introduced me to new fears that haunt me from my professional life. Each new patient triggers worry and concern about my own child. The knowledge of potential illnesses and their devastating outcomes is no longer just professional—it is deeply personal. I catch myself relating every new condition to my daughter, imagining her facing the same struggles and experiencing the fears that plague my patients’ parents.

The burden of guilt and gratitude

This heightened anxiety is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it has made me more thorough in my care of patients and their families, driven by an acute awareness of the risks involved. On the other hand, it has intensified my emotional experience, leading to endless worry about my daughter’s health. It has been a challenging journey trying to balance this personal fear with my professional responsibility. The difference between my daughter’s good health and the severe conditions faced by my patients creates mixed feelings of guilt and gratitude. I wonder why my child is lucky enough to be healthy while others are handed life-threatening diagnoses. This guilt is a heavy burden, mixed with a sense of gratitude for my daughter’s health.

Acknowledging and leaning into these feelings has encouraged me to reassess my approach to patient care. I try to channel my guilt into motivation and work diligently to provide the best possible care to every patient and their family. I remind myself that my role is to offer hope, support, and medical expertise, regardless of my personal fortune.

The transformative journey

The birth of my daughter has changed my perspective as a PICU physician. I can now connect with families on a more heartfelt level. At the same time, I struggle with intensified personal fears and feelings of guilt, which have reshaped my emotional experience both at work and at home. This transformation, though challenging, has enhanced my practice, encouraging a deeper, more compassionate approach to the families I care for. The medical knowledge and emotional resilience I gained during my training and experience as a physician in the PICU, caring for others’ children, has been eclipsed by the weight of responsibility and emotional connection that come with becoming a parent.

How has a personal experience or life event reshaped your professional approach in your field of work?

Sonam Sidhu is a pediatric critical care physician.