You’ve probably had this experience. You ask someone—nicely—to do something that clearly needs to be done. And they don’t. Or they nod, walk away, and nothing changes. You’re not trying to be difficult. You’re just trying to keep the team moving, the patients safe, and the wheels from coming off.

But in medicine, authority doesn’t guarantee compliance. Respect doesn’t guarantee follow-through. And asking once—no matter how reasonable—doesn’t guarantee action.

So the question becomes: How do you get people to do what you need them to do—without pushing, pleading, or pulling rank?

Over decades in medicine—as a surgeon, psychotherapist, and coach—I’ve come to believe influence is a quiet art. It’s not about commanding. It’s about invitation. Below are nine people-smart strategies that actually work when you’re dealing with smart, independent, overextended professionals.

None of these are manipulative. All of them are field-tested. You don’t have to use them all at once. Start with one.

Ask instead of tell. Even when you technically could tell them. “Would you be able to take this one?” opens the door. “I need you to do this” often closes it.

Offer only two choices. “Do you want to meet today or Friday?” It keeps momentum without triggering defensiveness. Options are good. Unlimited options paralyze.

Start with a yes question. “Would you agree this team runs better when everyone knows their role?” Once people say yes, they’re more likely to stay open. This is classic social psychology—micro-agreements build buy-in.

Name the resistance (gently). “I know this ask comes at a tough time.” Acknowledging friction disarms it. People don’t need to be shamed into helping. They need to feel seen.

Break the ask into a first step. “Could you just look at the summary?” is easier to say yes to than “Can you run this project?” Once someone starts, they’re more likely to continue.

Reflect their status back to them. “You’re someone people already trust—can I loop you in?” Respect begets responsibility. Frame the ask as a form of recognition, not obligation.

Use silence to let the ask land. Ask, then pause. Let the air fill the gap. You don’t have to rush or justify. The silence does half the work.

Thank them in advance. “I really appreciate you jumping in.” It signals trust—not pressure. People are more likely to meet expectations they believe they already live up to.

Frame it as partnership, not delegation. “If we do this together, I think we can move it forward without looping in admin.” “We” beats “you.” And collaboration beats command.

These tools won’t fix every system failure. But they do something just as important: They preserve dignity—yours and theirs. They keep relationships intact. And they make it more likely that the work actually gets done.

Because in the end, real influence isn’t about compliance. It’s about connection. And connection is what makes medicine humane—even when the machinery isn’t.

Patrick Hudson is a retired surgeon, psychotherapist, and author. Trained at Westminster Hospital Medical School in London, he practiced for decades in both the U.K. and the U.S. before turning his focus from surgical procedures to emotional repair—supporting physicians in navigating the hidden costs of their work and the quiet ways medicine reshapes identity. Patrick holds advanced degrees in counseling, liberal arts, and health care ethics, and is board certified in both surgery and coaching.

Through his national coaching practice, CoachingforPhysicians.com, he works with clinicians seeking clarity, renewal, and deeper connection in their professional lives. He also writes under CFP Press, a small imprint he founded for reflective writing in medicine.

His latest book, Ten Things I Wish I Had Known When I Started Medical School, was released in 2025 and became a #1 New Release in Medical Education & Training. To view his full catalog, visit his Amazon author page.