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Pediatrician and certified coach Jessie Mahoney discusses her article “Why so many physicians struggle to feel proud—even when they should.” Jessie explains how medical training conditions doctors to downplay success, deflect compliments, and equate pride with arrogance. She shares her own journey of learning to name and celebrate achievements, and how creating space for physicians to express pride can foster authenticity, confidence, and cultural change in medicine. Jessie highlights moving stories from reflective circles where physicians express pride in acts of courage, resilience, and alignment with values. Listeners will gain insights into how embracing pride can shift the culture of medicine from quiet suffering toward intentional, compassionate leadership.

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. Today we welcome back Jessie Mahoney, a pediatrician and coach. Today’s KevinMD article is “Why so many physicians struggle to feel proud even when they should.” Jessie, welcome back to the show.

Jessie Mahoney: Thanks so much for having me.

Kevin Pho: All right, so tell us what this latest article is about.

Jessie Mahoney: This article is really about why we should feel more proud in medicine. We are trained to show up humble, downplay our achievements, attribute them to luck or hard work, and are taught that pride is arrogance. What I see repeatedly, especially in women, but I think in all physicians, is that when we do not own our achievements and accomplishments, we are not very effective at advocating for ourselves or even for our patients. This idea of service, being humble, and leading under the radar has become quite problematic for many of us. We do not even know what we are proud of.

Kevin Pho: So when you say that physicians downplay their achievements and they equivocate pride with arrogance, what would that look like? What have you seen to make you think that?

Jessie Mahoney: Well, in my own life, during coach training, there was a session where they asked about feelings you wanted to have. Someone said that they wanted to feel proud more of the time, and I thought, “Wow, when was the last time I felt proud?” This was not in a group of physicians, and what struck me is that many other people feel proud. When you feel proud, you actually stand taller; it is like a leadership opportunity.

And so when we do not do it, this is where we start to do what we are told and become more people-pleasing, accommodating, being a chameleon, and being the yes-person. It is not that you want to say no or say, “I am great,” or be arrogant or have a big ego. I think it is just owning who we are and the training we have. People in the C-suites and admin suites who are not physicians, they all do that, and maybe the ones who are physicians who get there do too. But what I see is that it really eats into people’s sense of self and they can sometimes feel lost. That is where they do not know what direction they want because they do not really know who they are. They have dulled that inner light.

What I really see is there is just an intense discomfort around it, which I also had myself until I made this a mission to work on it. And what I see now when I work with physicians is if you ask them what they are proud of, there is such a hesitation. They do not want to say it. They undermine their achievements, or if someone even gives them positive feedback, they are like, “Well, it is just because,” or, “It was not that big of a deal.” It really takes a toll on their self-esteem, their self-confidence, and our ability to advocate.

When we advocate well for ourselves, physicians are inherently amazing humans. This pride actually allows us to stand taller and shine our light rather than dim it and hide behind the really amazing work that we do not promote or share. And I am called to say, I think we also do this to each other. When someone is proud, everyone else is like, “Oh, I cannot believe they are doing that.” We really believe in this servant leadership, showing up humble, and downplaying. It does not serve us well outside the exam room. I am not sure it serves us well inside the exam room, but it is less of a problem there. And I think we do show up as a leader inside the exam room because it is in private.

Kevin Pho: So sometimes is not expressing pride in tension with why a lot of people go into medicine in the first place? They go into medicine because it is a calling to serve, and you mentioned servant leadership. So is there a little bit of a tension there?

Jessie Mahoney: I think there is, because this idea of service means that it is an obligation or a responsibility. I think you can show up proud that we are doing good work and we are providing service, we are providing help, we are supporting people. But there is this undercurrent that they are in conflict with each other. And yet, I think that we can change that if we begin to stand tall on our own.

I think this word “proud” for many people is so tension-filled that they cannot even connect to it. So sometimes I help people just think about, “What have you accomplished? Where have you graduated from? What is there to celebrate? What did you do well today?” Because our brain so focuses on what we did not do that it is very hard to stand tall, and yet when we do, we have so much to bring to the world.

Kevin Pho: So tell us, what are some ways that physicians can express pride that is authentic and does not veer into that realm of arrogance? What are some techniques to do that?

Jessie Mahoney: Well, one is connecting with what you are proud of, so you know what you are proud of. And “proud” can be about feelings and values and potentially alignment. I really like the idea of celebrating because you do not even have to use the word pride, though I encourage people to practice. I am proud of it. As a pediatrician, I would love parents to ask their kids what they are proud of and share what they are proud of because it does not have to be arrogance.

I think it is showing up. Many people want to show up confident. That is what being proud is. But you could see it as being calm and grounded, or see it as trusting yourself, or see it as being a leader. That can be your way in if that word is so uncomfortable. And I think just noticing the language in your head, “That is arrogant. I should not do this,” gets you out of that very real, authentic energy. The easiest way to do it is to just stop self-deprecating, being humble, and deflecting compliments and achievements. Notice how uncomfortable you are when you get an award or someone acknowledges something that you did.

I spent a long time practicing just saying “thank you” instead of saying things like, “Oh, yeah, it is no big deal,” or telling people why maybe I did not deserve it. Because I think it really only harms everyone.

Kevin Pho: It is a very interesting phenomenon in medicine that you do not see in other disciplines. So sometimes just by saying thank you is just a tacit way of acknowledging the achievement rather than deflecting it.

Jessie Mahoney: Yeah. And so I think that is simple. When someone gives you a compliment or acknowledges something, say, “Thank you,” and do not give all the reasons why you do not deserve it, which is what we do. That would just be a start. And if each of us started there, then we could actually advocate better on behalf of ourselves, our patients, and in this world that we are facing these days.

Kevin Pho: And sometimes by deflecting that compliment, it undermines our value and our self-worth.

Jessie Mahoney: Absolutely. And then we wonder why we do not have good self-worth. We wonder why other people do not value us. But if we do not value ourselves, it is hard for organizations to value us in that way. We have to start by valuing ourselves. When you value yourself, you tell other people how to value you. And so again, I think this word “pride” is really a trigger word for many people. And so if it is for you, change it. Change it to owning your accomplishments, changing it to connecting to your value, acknowledging your self-worth, acknowledging who you are and what you bring. Because why is it better not to? It is so interesting.

Kevin Pho: So when you do your coaching and you talk to physicians who come to you, do you acknowledge this being an issue with a lot of the physicians you talk to, and how do you bring it up in your coaching sessions?

Jessie Mahoney: Yes, I have actually started to bring it up all the time because I think it is transformative when people start to realize that they are not owning who they are and where they come from. And so I actually really now just bring it up. I ask people, “What are you proud of?” That can be an example, and most people cannot answer that question when you first start. And I usually share my own story of how I could not answer the question, how uncomfortable I was, and then getting around this, “Can you celebrate? Can you stop self-deprecating?”

And a reminder that being proud in a healthy way is about being in integrity, being in alignment, being outwardly in support of your values. It is about acknowledging your growth and your effort and your hard work. And when we do not acknowledge that, you really lose touch with who you are. And so I ask people straight up, “What are you proud of? What is there to celebrate?” Is there a more subtle way? “What did you do well? Not what went well, but what did you do well today?” Some people really struggle with that, so you can go back to even, “How did you help someone today? What did you do that made a difference today? What value do you bring?”

And when people begin to connect with that, they can begin to grow self-confidence and they actually reconnect to this sense of purpose and passion. I think that not acknowledging our value and owning who we are really shifts us out of this sense of purpose and passion. And we wonder why we are sort of disconnected from each other and ourselves and our communities. Not being proud of who you are and how you have shown up when you have worked really hard to do that really sets you off kilter. You start to think, “Why do I not belong? What is wrong with me?” You start looking at all your faults and I think that is something that so many physicians struggle with.

Kevin Pho: We are talking to Jessie Mahoney, a pediatrician and coach. Today’s KevinMD article is “Why so many physicians struggle to feel proud even when they should.” Jessie, let us end with some take-home messages for the KevinMD audience.

Jessie Mahoney: Showing up proud is not arrogant. It is aligned with your values, and it is important for your patients to see you be proud, for your communities to see you be proud, and important for the culture of medicine to shift. If we as physicians can begin to own our accomplishments and be supportive of our values and one another, that is when things will begin to shift. That is when others will begin to be proud about what we do and value what we do even more.

Kevin Pho: Jessie, as always, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and insight and thanks again for coming back on the show.

Jessie Mahoney: Thank you.