Anonymous

These articles are written by anonymous clinicians. They have been selected and edited by Kevin Pho, MD.

Start with the students: Addressing the future of physician suicide

Anonymous

Education

February 21, 2020

The first day I sought counseling, I felt like I was committing a crime.

Our afternoon anatomy lecture had just ended, and the entirety of our first-year medical class—clad in hunter green scrubs and reciting the intrinsic muscles of the back—paraded in what looked like a single-file line to our cafeteria.

“Act natural,” I thought. “Don’t let anyone find out what you’re up to.”

My friends veered right to enter the cafeteria as …

What happens when abortion services aren’t available

Anonymous

Conditions

February 17, 2020

In my very first job as a doctor — working in a London hospital in the 1980s. I always took a ridiculously detailed past medical history for every patient I saw. I started to notice how many elderly women had had septicemia, a life-threatening infection in which enormous amounts of bacteria enter the bloodstream.

The neighborhood surrounding the hospital had once been the worst slum in London. And it didn’t take …

Navy SEALs are more than warfare providers

Anonymous

Physician

January 27, 2020

Navy SEALs are America’s elite fighting force.

They are America’s most qualified soldiers who elect to undertake the most difficult selection process and training in existence. They are preselected by a number of traits, including intelligence, physical strength, incredible perseverance, and prior military service. Those who attain the title come from a variety of backgrounds, but without fail, they are exceptional. These most remarkable individuals are then …

Is obesity self-inflicted?

Anonymous

Physician

January 21, 2020

“Aren’t you happy for me?” asks the patient smiling from the exam chair in my office. I say yes, but that’s not entirely true.

Happiness isn’t the right word. Conflicted might be it. How do I reconcile my feelings when this patient, who I am not sure is deserving, reports that he was awarded Social Security disability?

Sure, he has severe arthritis, wildly uncontrolled diabetes, and a massive skin breakdown of his …

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Is obesity self-inflicted?

It’s important for physicians and medical students to stop and realize how far they’ve come

Anonymous

Education

January 12, 2020

As I was finishing up with my doctor’s appointment for the required immunizations I needed for medical school, my doctor asked if he could give me some advice for my upcoming journey. Being the clueless pre-medical student I was at the time, I said, “Please do.” He said something along the lines of “They’re going to try to rewire your way of thinking, but stay true to who you are.” …

My name is not “Med Student”

Anonymous

Education

January 8, 2020

“I should explain to you, Socrates, that our friend Cratylus has been arguing about names; he says they are natural and not conventional; […] that there is a truth or correctness in them.”
– Plato

I once heard that the sound of one’s name is the most beautiful thing in the universe, which is probably an overstatement. But one’s name is one of the first words one hears from birth, as parents …

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My name is not “Med Student”

A nurse won’t let this patient die

Anonymous

Conditions

December 29, 2019

The sun sets a cascade of pink and yellow in the window of an ICU room. The slow hum of ventilation dampens the buzzes and beeps from machines. I stand in a room inundated by equipment. A machine to monitor vital signs with purple, green, blue, and red on a black background displays peaking and rolling waveforms. Two IV poles with twelve pumps click and murmur sounds of fluid migration …

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A nurse won’t let this patient die

Give your psychiatric patients a reason to trust

Anonymous

Education

December 29, 2019

I had been diagnosed three days prior, given lithium to stabilize and a benzodiazepine to sleep. I went home. Things did not get better.

I had been admitted just that morning after a long, confusing night in the ED. I did not yet understand the severity of what had happened — or even what had happened. The mania was still mostly euphoric and speckled with bursts of joy, but between these …

Burnout is death by a thousand cuts

Anonymous

Physician

December 18, 2019

I think I’m finally burned out. And it’s been a long time coming.

It likely started when my private physician-owned emergency group got bought out by one of the big corporate groups. The changes were small at first. Turning us into hourly paid employees instead of an RVU-based salary. Shiny new VPs and directors sending us emails. Things seemed fine for a while. Then came the many, many emails about better …

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Burnout is death by a thousand cuts

A physician got a DUI. The physician health program didn’t help.

Anonymous

Physician

December 11, 2019

A physician health program, PHP, is a state agency that is responsible for advocating, treatment referral and physician monitoring, residents and medical students who have substance abuse disorders, psychiatric disorders and/ or boundary issues. There are two ways of becoming a part of these programs, self-referral or be reported. Currently, 47 states have a PHP, and the issue is that there is no set guideline and several variables in the …

When a medical student is victim-blamed

Anonymous

Education

November 6, 2019

After third-year medicine, I was required to withdraw for handing in an assignment late. It was a paragraph of self-reflection; I couldn’t believe I was being kicked out for something so seemingly inconsequential.

My dealings with the faculty became increasingly hostile and negative. I realized that my fellow students had to band together. Otherwise, there will be no change. I have to say that at my medical school, they have been …

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When a medical student is victim-blamed

“I did not want a baby”: A medical student faces her hardest choice

Anonymous

Conditions

November 2, 2019

I did not want a baby. As a 26-year-old third-year medical student who had quite recently ended a far from ideal relationship — of this, I was certain.

On vacation, in New York City, walking in Soho carelessly, I laughed with my friend Noelle over the fragility of condoms. “Trust me,” I said. “They break.”

How many months in my sexually active life did I apprehensively count and recount the number of …

Our healers need healing

Anonymous

Physician

October 30, 2019

I woke up to him, pacing the bedroom.

Within an hour, I was pacing the ER at his bedside.

Our experience at one of the country’s best-ranked hospitals lasted only three days before we were discharged home. What led us there will last a lifetime in our minds. When faced with your own mortality (or that of your husband’s), you are forever changed. We are grateful for his continued recovery from myopericarditis. …

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Our healers need healing

The stages of grief when a physician is sued

Anonymous

Physician

October 14, 2019

It’s hard to describe the feelings I had when I received my first letter of intent to sue. I think I went through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief — denial at first, of course. This denial didn’t last long since the letter was clearly addressed to me — first, middle, and last name.

Anger was almost immediate … I was immediately upset at the deceased patient’s family who were bringing the …

How non-physician practitioners are pawns of large health care organizations

Anonymous

Policy

October 5, 2019

During our family trip to Walt Disney World this past year, we got the Disney Dining Plan. It turned out to be a lot of food. On the last day of the trip, we each still had two sit-down meals and about five snacks apiece to go through. Needless to say, we ended up leaving with a bunch of soda and cheap candy and still felt sick from all the …

A physician’s career as an opioid prescriber and addict

Anonymous

Physician

September 30, 2019

I sat in the back seat of a police patrol car handcuffed with a mind imprisoned by addiction. My day had finally arrived after months of a manhunt by state detectives for operating a fraudulent prescription enterprise to support my obsession and compulsion with cocaine. No more unmarked police cars staked outside the crack houses that I frequented or my mother’s home or in pharmacy parking lots waiting to capture …

A pediatrician speaks out against combining sibling appointments

Anonymous

Physician

September 13, 2019

Imagine your typical yearly physical. It’s probably booked for 20 to 40 minutes. Since you, like many of us, may see your physician only once a year, it is important for you to have your physician’s complete attention and to have all of your concerns addressed. Some of these concerns may be of a sensitive – even embarrassing – nature. Your physician may likewise ask you some probing questions about …

An interview with a medical student who failed the boards

Anonymous

Education

September 2, 2019

The first two years of medical school are geared towards learning enough so you can pass your first round of boards. All the sleepless nights and the tears can be overwhelming, but to finally get to the finish line is an incredible achievement. It reinforces that these first two years were worth it and that you learned some things along the way.

However, some students don’t receive the same good news. …

It is wrong to exploit physicians’ compassion

Anonymous

Physician

August 28, 2019

When a patient comes to see me for a migraine headache, I know that they will leave feeling 100 percent better. They will finally be rid of that pounding, nauseating pain in their head, and they will be happy. And that makes me happy.

Doctors derive great joy from helping their patients. In addition to a strong sense of accomplishment, the ability to reach out and make another life brighter appeals …

The decision to undergo robotic surgery is a more than just about the length of the scar

Anonymous

Conditions

August 27, 2019

Over the last three decades, surgery has slowly but steadily evolved towards a minimally invasive technique. The standard of care for appendicitis now involves creating three half-inch incisions and using a laparoscopic technique to remove the appendix. This technique uses a camera to see inside the body via a large screen. Instruments that are over a foot long are used. Sufficient research has shown that this minimally invasive technique leads …

Anonymous

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