This week I will be taking the physician’s oath.
I am a person who only makes promises I can keep. Thus, I am struggling with committing myself to certain parts of the oath.
Reflecting over the last four years of medical school, I can say with certainty that I hated my medical school experience. I left my family/friends and the diverse, immigrant-cultured society that I’ve known my whole life for the homogeneous, …
I was waiting for my boyfriend to return back from cleaning his car. Suddenly and unexpectedly, the tears started rolling down my face. I was startled at the sudden deluge. I don’t cry often. We had a small argument earlier in the day, the details of which I won’t divulge here. It made me question where I get my happiness from. It led me to the conclusion that, at least …
Finding happiness in the time of COVID
I never expected to find myself in this position. Ironically, I, a family medicine physician, in a world grappling with a pandemic, became underemployed for the first time since high school. A unique set of circumstances led me to this situation, but it turned out to be far more challenging for me emotionally than I expected.
At the end of 2019, I made a decision to leave my regular job as …
A story of a family physician looking for work during the pandemic
Before becoming a certified registered nurse anesthetist (CRNA), I was a surgical intensive care unit (SICU) nurse for decades. During that time, I often saw patients during their greatest time of need – trauma victims, transplant recipients, patients with brain tumors, ruptured aortas, and septic shock. I thought I had seen it all, but working in an improvised COVID-19 ICU has taught me to expect the unexpected, and has required …
Please don’t call me a hero. This is what nurses have always done.
My mother gave years of her life to service in this hospital. I was born in this hospital. I volunteered here for years before I started my residency in this hospital. I grew up before the very eyes of this hospital. I owe my life to this hospital, but I don’t owe my death to this hospital. And neither does my mother.
I start my shift with …
Hero or victim? My mother, the anesthesiologist.
It was the middle of March when I came back to my work shift. I got the news my floor would be COVID-19 floor that meant all patients coming to the ER with COVID-19 symptoms would be placed solely under my supervision.
I was all ready for it — at least I knew the challenges I was going to face.
The number of patients getting admitted to rule out COVID-19 kept on …
What it’s like to be a frontline physician with COVID-19 patient
As a cardiology fellow in a busy New York City hospital, my life has snowballed into chaos. Just last week, I was a pregnant doctor completing her second trimester, waddling down the halls of the hospital with an echocardiogram machine in tow, taking care of sick cardiac patients. Now a viral pandemic has invaded all remnants of this prior life.
Patients pour into intensive care units with coronavirus. Colleagues serve on …
Being a pregnant medical trainee just got more complicated in the COVID-19 era
I can’t stop mentally drafting my obituary. A coworker snaps a picture of me in full protective gear, holding a respiratory swab, and I wonder how this photo will age. I wonder about the folly of our actions now, four health care workers seated together at a computer bank in the emergency department. Likely seeding toxins back and forth as we idly banter during our shift, trying to stay calm …
From a clinician on the frontlines: I can’t stop mentally drafting my obituary
You always knew they didn’t care about you. The administration, I mean. But you knew that going into it. It’s just four years that you have to endure until you can be respected, until you make the big bucks, until you’re treated like a human being. Four years is not that long.
But you knew this going into it. That they didn’t care. You’re just a resident. Now more than ever, …
You’re just the anesthesiology resident
I am a cardiology fellow at a large hospital. I plan to keep anonymity even though I don’t think there would be repercussions from my story, but in this day and age, you never know. I was on call recently and was paged by our ED about a teenager with chest pain. OK, teenager with chest pain, big whoop. They later described that this pain was positional in that it …
Please remember that patients with COVID-19 are human beings
I hope that this letter finds you (and myself) alive and well after all this COVID-19 craziness ends. I never really got the chance to explain everything when I was taking care of you. It wasn’t your fault you ended up at the hospital when you did, and you deserved so much better.
First of all, I was a pathology resident. A redeployed pathology resident. Actually, redeployed …
I’m sorry: a letter from a pathology resident on the frontlines
My last block of medical school was supposed to be the best part of the past four years. I carefully crafted a four-week vacation from school, designed for searching for the perfect place to live during my emergency medicine residency while spending valuable time connecting with classmates I might never see again. I could never imagine my current reality of moving back into my childhood bedroom and hiding from imminent …
COVID-19 made me realize that I’m not ready to die to be a doctor
When people used to ask me what a typical day entailed for me, I would gladly share the early starts, the long days on my feet in the OR, and on-calls where anything would happen. I would laugh at how I must have a bladder of steel and cry over some of the saddest stories which came through the front door. No matter the stories, though, one thing was a …
All I ever wanted to do was to be a surgeon. But I was pushed out.
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A COVID-19 positive resident physician in Detroit died recently, and reportedly two more who treated patients with the virus in New York City have died this week as well; although I can’t say for certain, because their names have not been released and their stories exist only in hushed whispers of the resident community.
And there’s nothing heroic about it. There’s nothing heroic about the preventable deaths of good and generous …
Physician deaths in the era of COVID-19: human sacrifice, not heroism
It seems that many physicians finally realize that they are expendable. The fact that U.S. health care institutions view doctors (and every other employee) as disposable cogs in a machine is not a new phenomenon. I learned this lesson over a year ago as a vulnerable type of provider – a resident physician.
From someone who has already been …
Are you angry, doctor? It’s about time.
I grew up with one guiding principle. One religion. One stone temple that I bowed to faithfully. I kneeled at the glorious shrine of medicine. It was the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life.
My education was vigorous. I stayed at home and studied while my high school buddies were goofing around at the mall. I spent quiet Saturday mornings in the law library while over a …
Just another day as you work into the depths of the night. Medicine engulfs your life as your focus is centered on your responsibilities for tomorrow. You may or may not have time to sit down and enjoy a meal in silence. You may or may not have the opportunity to say good-bye or hello to a loved one. I hope we all had the foresight to realize what we …
What does sacrifice in medicine really mean?
I am a physician. I have worked hard to get where I am in life. I went into medicine for many reasons. The intellectual challenges. Being in a field with lots of human interaction. And of course to help people. I went into emergency medicine because I ultimately couldn’t decide on a single specialty. I liked something about each one. When I rotated through the emergency department early in …
In the coronavirus crisis, for-profit health care kills doctors’ spirits
As the medical director of a Midwest community emergency department that has yet to see the New York City-levels of devastation, I am begging hospital administrators across the country to begin leading their front line health care workers in preparation to meet the enemy head-on.
It has become painfully clear in our hospital daily incident command briefings and discussions with our hospital leadership that no one is making decisions. The decisions …
A call to arms for hospital administrators
Growing evidence suggests that the novel COVID-19 virus can be aerosolized. To adequately protect employees, providers require not just “droplet,” but “airborne” precautions and the appropriate healthcare worker personal protective equipment (PPE).
Appropriate PPE mandates an N95 mask. News reports for weeks have described hospitals working without the necessary protection for health care providers.
This is the case in Boston-area hospitals, which are running short on these masks. One of the city’s …
Are Boston hospitals prioritizing money over the safety of their employees and patients?
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