Prologue

As a practicing gastroenterologist for more than 50 years, now emeritus, I was privileged to have had colleagues with expertise in many specialties to whom I could refer patients. Since my career began, the constellation of these specialists has increased considerably. Patients often find themselves moving from one “ologist” to another, each very skilled but focused on a particular organ system. From the patient’s perspective, maneuvering through the complexities of medical care can sometimes feel like a fast-spinning world of many words and new characters, like a Gilbert and Sullivan song. That feeling inspired this humorous parody.

Parody

I am the very model of a modern MD’s patient
I can cite ills astronomical in order anatomical
From neurology and cardiology then on to dermatology
And many other specialties according to biology

I am also well acquainted with preventive oncologists
I have visited radiologists, rheumatologists, and gastroenterologists
I report from journals and AI studies all the very latest news
But the ologists have read them all and give me their strong views

One claimed that I had read them wrong and sent me to an ophthalmologist
Who tried but could not quite explain, and sent me to a retinologist
He also said I did not hear him well, so onward to audiologist
And hinted I might benefit from a merciful proctologist

With clinical instinct guide they are often on to scans
Like CT, PET, and MRI in order to make plans
The radiologist reviews them all to get more information
But then he says I think you need yet one more consultation

And now there are the algorithms and AI diagnosticians
Who promise instant answers without human intuitions
They search my charts and path and labs with lightning precision
But then suggest a consult with still another physician

I finally got bewildered by this army of super-ologists
And chose instead to spend my days with a very caring psychologist
To analyze the reasons why I started with such zest
To visit every ologist in modern medicine’s chest

So please return me back to care that is sensible and basic
And let the super-ologists pursue a patient just as classic
For I am tired of the role I have played with such persistence
The very model of a modern MD’s patient in existence

Epilogue

This parody is written with respect for my fellow physicians and many other health care providers. The field of medicine has advanced tremendously, and we need the knowledge and expertise of all the specialists. However, it is often helpful for a patient to have a trusted primary care professional who knows them well and can help navigate through the complex medical system, with all its “ologists.”

Sidney J. Winawer is a gastroenterologist.