Anonymous

These articles are written by anonymous clinicians. They have been selected and edited by Kevin Pho, MD.

Critical care physicians have been through hell

Anonymous

Physician

January 26, 2021

It was a cold winter morning in January 2021. Another day in the ICU, another day caring for critically ill patients with complex medical conditions, another day caring for patients on their death beds, another day interacting with patients’ families and their emotions, another day of putting on a strong face for my patients, their loved ones, my ICU family and my trainees, another day of giving bad news to …

When selecting a specialty, it’s OK to choose happiness

Anonymous

Education

January 23, 2021

I began pursuing a career in medicine with the fervent desire to become a neurosurgeon one day. When someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered neurosurgeon without missing a beat. I chose neurosurgery in high school after falling in love with the nervous system and watching Gifted Hands. I wanted to be like Dr. Ben Carson before his political debut. At that point, …

This looks a lot different from the trenches: from consulting to the COVID ward

Anonymous

Policy

January 13, 2021

As a young and optimistic business school graduate, I recall when the consulting firm I worked for was retained to evaluate “USA Hospital and Medical Clinics” (pseudonym). “USA” had grown quickly and was struggling to manage the recent expansion.

We interviewed doctors, nurses, and medical assistants, and they told us about the problems they faced every day: They were pressured to get patients in and out quickly to keep average visit …

The dangers of selective empathy

Anonymous

Education

January 8, 2021

I go to medical school with a girl who is universally disliked, perhaps more than anyone I’ve met before. It began innocuously enough: She was too active in the group chat, too pushy about ordering class jackets, this and that.

In lecture, she barked out obscure answers like “Saturday Night Palsy” with physical force; her petite body careening forward in her chair, her class-jacketed hand spearing into the sky. But did …

Read more…

The dangers of selective empathy

This is what it’s like to be in the shoes of a medical student

Anonymous

Education

December 29, 2020

The student is last on the list. But he is not fixed in that position such that he can consider some space to be his own. He must be ready to be last in any formation that the list may hold. And if, for some reason, there is no room for him on the list, at last, he becomes first! First to be removed.

The student is a guest in the …

Should playing football require informed consent?

Anonymous

Conditions

December 28, 2020

I’m of Irish heritage and we love to tell stories. This story feels like it needs to be shouted from the rooftops.

I grew up in Texas, where football is king.

Here’s my story so parents can make a more fully “informed consent” when deciding if their children should play football.

My dad played offensive line in college. We were proud of our “gentle giant“ dad. The first and only college graduate in …

Residents are not disposable. They deserve better.

Anonymous

Education

December 22, 2020

I was a fellow physician, and my contract was recently not renewed for my three-year fellowship at the end of the first year. My experience highlights the examples that, at times, physicians are treated in a disposable manner. COVID-19 is certainly taking a toll on health care workers. So, too, are oppressive practices and unfair treatment of trainees.

The reasons my contract was not renewed concern mentorship and PPE, and I …

This physician was suicidal. Her partners told her to shut up.

Anonymous

Physician

December 21, 2020

To say that I grieved in the months following the unexpected death of my husband is an understatement. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. Thirty pounds evaporated from my 5’ 4”, 130-pound frame. Incessant crying left me dehydrated with cracked, bloody lips.

Too soon, financial and professional pressure forced a return to my anesthesia practice. To the outside observer, I appeared functional; I was, in reality, suicidal.

Between cases, I’d cry in …

There needs to be a better approach to victims of sexual violence

Anonymous

Conditions

December 20, 2020

I am a nurse who has worked at a rural hospital. My husband is a board-certified family medicine doctor. In the fall of 2020, I was raped by my massage therapist. I know that everyone has an opinion of what they would do in that situation, and I was probably one of those people. However, to my complete shock (quite literally), I didn’t behave in any manner that …

Medical residents signed up to live in the hospital, not to die there

Anonymous

Physician

December 16, 2020

I saw a tweet recently from a medical resident training at another hospital that really hit home for me: “In response to a rumor that health care workers who treat COVID patients will be prioritized for vaccination in our health system, one of my co-residents asked unironically, ‘Does that include us?’”

“Resident” is a word coined in the twentieth century when physicians in training often physically lived (“resided”) at the hospital. …

The family super-spreader event: thoughts on a COVID-19 Thanksgiving

Anonymous

Conditions

December 10, 2020

It was Black Friday, and as I held her hand, I knew that she would be dead within the hour.

My breath was stale inside my N95. The yellow isolation gown was moist and clingy, and the fogged-up goggles gave me that feeling that I was on an extended deep-sea expedition. Mrs. Carson was still occupying her bed, but really she was already gone. I had watched the respiratory rate creep …

Thought disorder, clinical silos, prediction and prevention vs. diagnosing what’s in front of you

Anonymous

Conditions

November 12, 2020

I have worked part-time as an applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapist for the last few years. The job isn’t complicated, and where I am, one doesn’t need a specifically tailored education or license to practice under supervision. An ABA’s clients are diagnosed with autism, and the therapist works to reduce the client’s maladaptive behaviors and increase their comfort with everyday routines, social interactions, and independent living, all while taking data …

Polarizing medical students do not foster discussion and education

Anonymous

Education

November 8, 2020

Though many say freedom of speech has never been more prevalent with the creation of social media, moral relativism and shaming have taken a toll. Evident today, cyberbullying in the name of justice polarizes attitudes while placing some opinions as martial law and others as bigotry. This polarization of America marginalizes majorities and attempts to silence them into submission. Concurrently, it diminishes the “moral” side’s own goal to gain support …

Why we’ll never eradicate malignancy in medical training

Anonymous

Physician

October 21, 2020

For a bunch of folks striving to stomp out malignant processes in our patients, we sure tolerate a fair amount of destructive behavior among training programs.

I’ll be the first to say I’m not the most delicate flower in the garden. Before pursuing medicine, I was a college athlete. I’m no stranger to long hours, harsh coaches, or repeated failures.

Medical students get their first bitter taste of malignant …

Nobody should ever be forced to make a medical decision on the basis of congressional hearings

Anonymous

Policy

October 15, 2020

On October 12th, 2020, I underwent a LEEP procedure to remove the distal portion of my cervix. In the wake of COVID-19, with PPE and willing staff in short supply to complete Pap smears in clinic, a colleague and I were trialing self-swab HPV testing – a technique pioneered in countries like Australia that is likely to become the eventual standard of care for cervical cancer screening. Since my last …

Help the public understand what more can be done to support loved ones affected by a serious illness

Anonymous

Conditions

October 13, 2020

“Is there anything more we could have done?”

I am not the first person to ask this question, and I will not be the last.

This past week I learned that an ex-boyfriend from my graduate school years, who had moved overseas in 2016 and disappeared off the grid, was recently diagnosed with lymphoma, developed severe complications, and passed away. He was in his late twenties and a month from moving back …

Can we separate Donald Trump, the patient, from Donald Trump, the politician?

Anonymous

Conditions

October 9, 2020

When the president of the United States contracts a dangerous disease, the story is big news. When the same disease has taken the lives of 200,000 people and the same president has been under fire for grossly mishandling the response, the tale takes on a much bigger, almost biblical significance. Americans have been on tenterhooks since the news broke that Donald Trump tested positive for COVID-19, and emotion and speculation …

Hiding unwanted emotions is exhausting and impacts everything

Anonymous

Physician

October 2, 2020

September, National Suicide Prevention Month, is coming to a close. National Physician Suicide Awareness Day was September 17. What happens now that September’s over?

All month, I’ve wanted to write this post. I’ve been hesitant because I’ve been grieving the loss of a dear friend who took his own life on August 30. He wasn’t even 50 years old. If you’d met him, you’d have never suspected in a billion years …

A seasoned trainee: A doctor who shouldn’t have been

Anonymous

Education

September 28, 2020

Residency and fellowships are tough. While most trainees come in and expect medicine to be the most challenging thing they have to deal with, what makes a training program challenging to navigate seems to be entirely something else. Having trained in programs in both the U.S. and Canada, I felt some trends had to be addressed. I want to take a deep dive into some of these trends, …

It is time to pause, reflect, and decide what being a physician means to us

Anonymous

Physician

September 6, 2020

A bird slams into the glass. A bird slams into the glass. A bird slams into the glass. Over and over again, head first, determined to defeat its own reflection. A headbutt of bravado. I watched it, time and time again. From the inside, I studied the dozens of oily streaks smeared across the window. After a few minutes, the bird would fly away – sore or distracted from its …

Anonymous

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