These articles are written by anonymous clinicians. They have been selected and edited by Kevin Pho, MD.
“Doctor, I am ready to die.”
I knew her from a few years back. This patient of mine.
I am a hospitalist and the patients in my care come and go, making it difficult to really form relationships like the ones primary care physicians have with their panel of patients. But this patient was different. I saw her once many years ago when she was gravely ill, and we managed to pull her …
“You work here?!”
I nodded, a hint of a smile revealing my bemusement at his incredulity.
“Well … probably not after this.”
The other patients in the psych waiting area of the ER nodded in agreement. In my newly issued brown scrubs, stripped of my belongings, I was no longer a research coordinator at a top hospital, but rather one of them. And sadly, they believed being one of them meant you couldn’t …
The refusal of blood products by the Jehovah’s witnesses has often been cited as a great example of patient religious freedom triumphing over the traditional paternalism of medicine. Patients are free to refuse transfusion even at the risk of death. Many hospital-based physicians have, at one time or another, been witness to the demise of a patient refusing blood products, perhaps a preventable demise. Patient autonomy is held to be …
I’m supposed to speak at the body donor memorial in September. I told the organizers my speech was written. “Don’t worry,” I assured them. “I have it all in my head, just need to get it down on paper. I’m a writer; it’s my process.” But the truth is that I am struggling with what to say. I’ve tried to write it, but I just end up drinking a pot …
My idealism has been stolen. No other way to express how I feel just days past my third anniversary from graduating from fellowship. Post college, I spent thirteen additional years in training to become the specialist physician I am. I am reminded now of my Facebook post stating I was about to start my first “real job” with a picture of the beautifully lit signs at night of the university …
Let me be the first to admit that my mind’s internal and unspoken dialogue produces scathing critiques of the people whose behavior or ideologies are divergent from my own. This isn’t to say that I intentionally treat anyone differently because of personal differences that I observe.
On the contrary, I make a conscious effort to make my actions and spoken words consistent among everyone with whom I interact, particularly when I’m …
I was an overachieving, well-rounded and sagacious undergraduate student. I majored in psychology, minored in biology and was an active member of the Psi Chi honor society. I was drawn to the study of psychology, and fascinated by the complexities of mental illness. I became certified as a research assistant and spent many hours with severely depressed individuals, who had become crippled by their illness. I was intensely intrigued by …
Doctors and nurses said patients and their families created the largest obstacles to end-of-life decision-making in the ICU in a large survey published in JAMA Internal Medicine.
About 1,300 staff at 13 academic hospitals in Canada rated barriers to end-of-life goals of care on a 1 to 7 scale. Doctors and nurses considered the largest barriers to end-of-life …
The outcry over antipsychotics has ranged far and wide. Everyone from governmental agencies to senior advocacy organizations have pointed to the abysmal data. Antipsychotics have a negative impact on morbidity and mortality. They say we are chemically restraining those who are too fragile to stick up for themselves. They say we are sedating instead of treating.
And I disagree wholeheartedly.
I manage a …
I’m a physician, and I’m adrift. I am pretty much lost at sea. I’ve often thought of writing this column, but afraid I’d be recognized, I’ve hesitated for years. Even now, I’ll most likely remain anonymous, because I’m in a vulnerable position. Let me preface my remarks with the reassurance that I’m not a bad person.
I developed dependence on opioids several …
I work in a place where nobody calls me by my name.
They all address me by a moniker of their choosing that I have asked them not to use. I have asked them to use my name. Aside from a few who respect my wish, most of my co-workers just call me by the impersonal-sounding phrase they’ve selected instead. It creates …
Before I got into medical school, while I was still in my first year of graduate school, I learned what hell was like.
The hospital was a rabbit warren. Walking down the long empty beige halls fueled my hatred for hospitals. And, of the color beige.
When I volunteered during college, I would press myself up against the wall whenever a gaggle of doctors passed by. They ruled the hospital: powerful, scary, …
As a patient, I would like a primary care visit that is pleasant, comprehensive, convenient, and efficient. As a future practitioner, I hope for a visit that is unhurried, educational, efficient, and holistic. We may have through all these years grown accustomed to the status quo — on both ends — that is, we have come to expect the 45-minute wait in the atrium prior to our beckoning by the …
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Medicine is an area of study that is bursting with countless gut-wrenching ethical debates. Throughout our medical training, even in some medical school interviews, we are asked and tested on how we would personally navigate the delicate tightrope of right and wrong.
Trying to maintain equilibrium between our personal beliefs and those that are best for our patients can often be difficult. On one side of our acrobatic act, we are …
Over the course of pre-professional and professional education, my colleagues and I have had numerous moments of self-doubt. Would the next organic chemistry exam eliminate my 3.99 GPA? Would the MCAT decide what medical schools would immediately ignore me without ever meeting me? Would the sheer volume of material weed out the persons sitting next to me in medical school or …
To the staff overseeing my medically-complex child,
My child has been in this world much longer than you expected; thus I’ve been in this relationship with you much longer than I expected. If I could break up with you and find someone new, believe me I would (I’m sure so would you some days). But that isn’t possible; we’re in a dysfunctional relationship. If we recognize this together and just come to an …
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Three years ago I received some of the best news of my life — that I have dopa-responsive dystonia. (Yes, a neuromuscular disorder was welcome news.) Painful, life-interrupting muscle contractions had made the dystonia diagnosis likely several years before, despite poor response to standard treatments, and I was fighting through graduate school: trying to compensate for medication-induced memory problems, increasing need to work from bed, and a disappearing social life. …
This place sucks had become my mantra as I powered through every bloody, chaotic, understaffed shift.
Fresh out of residency, I had accepted a job in the ER of a community hospital which — though it had appeared calm, functional, and replete with helpful consultants during the 15-minute tour I took during my interview — had turned into exactly the opposite when I …
We recently had a session hosted by the medical education staff at our school where we were encouraged to share any difficult situations encountered in clerkship (submitted anonymously beforehand if that was preferred) and discussed them as a class. Issues regarding ageism, sexism and racism were brought up and addressed with the group. While I have not encountered any of the …
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You’ve made it. Four years of college, four years of medical school, and three years (sometimes four or five) of residency, depending on the specialty you chose. You’ve earned a prestigious title.
You are a doctor.
But wait, you are not done yet.
Want to be a cardiologist, oncologist, or gastroenterologist? Add another three years to the eleven spent to become an independent practitioner. Another three years of interest accruing on that six-figure …
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