Anonymous

These articles are written by anonymous clinicians. They have been selected and edited by Kevin Pho, MD.

Physicians with anxiety shouldn’t suffer in silence

Anonymous

Physician

January 1, 2016

I thought about you, the patient that I’m about to perform surgery on, all night last night and because I doubted myself, I took clonazepam to calm the anxiety so I could sleep. Today I’ve taken 10 mg of propranolol and some Kava, a natural supplement known to decrease anxiety.

As I start the surgery, the propranolol coursing through my veins blocking the sympathetic nervous system, I fear it will come. …

What it’s like to talk to patients, then cut them open

Anonymous

Physician

December 5, 2015

Every time I walk through the automatic sliding doors, that strong smell of ammonia stings my nose. The lobby is clean — too clean — with a vast amount of open space leading to the front desk. The just-below-comfortable air brushes against my skin, raising the hair on my arms and legs. Almost cold enough to be a morgue — but that’s later. The room is silent, except for the …

A medical student resents having to make smart choices. Here’s why.

Anonymous

Education

December 3, 2015

The human experience is an exercise in connection. Nothing is seen, heard, or felt in isolation. This is what can make womanhood in a large urban city so challenging. A catcall is not a single comment, heard on a single morning about the tightness of your jeans or the way your hair falls; but instead carries with it every unsolicited thing you’ve ever heard about your body, a shadow of …

This doctor quit residency. And now she’s truly happy.

Anonymous

Physician

November 19, 2015

“I quit residency.”

Three words that many physicians couldn’t ever imagine coming out of their mouth, but for me, I say it all the time, usually with a smile on my face. I was a year and a half into my family medicine residency and decided it was enough. My decision mostly revolved around the birth of my son. My husband (a resident in the same program) and I planned to …

Maybe medical school applications should come with a warning label

Anonymous

Education

November 12, 2015

I did some pretty crazy things to get into medical school (don’t worry, Mom, nothing illegal). For several years before applying, I became a medicine groupie. I read books about being a doctor, watched documentaries about medicine, and shadowed physicians for hours on end so I could imagine what it might be like. I watched many a friend go off to med school and graduate … and I waited, I …

If you don’t advocate for women, I don’t trust you with patients

Anonymous

Education

November 1, 2015

I started medical school recently. Before it started, I told myself (and everybody else) that I would feel like a kid in a candy shop when I was here. I’d get to try different specialties and figure out which one I want to do out of everything that excited me. It really is kind of like that, don’t get me wrong. But I’m also confused and disheartened.

I had a different …

Should doctors be allowed to concealed carry at work?

Anonymous

Physician

October 24, 2015

One word: gun. That is all it takes to spark a debate between two very different camps. One end of the spectrum feels guns are an evil haunting the nation by their mere existence, and they need to be dealt with by restricting (or even eliminating) everyone’s ability to possess them. The other end believes it is a core right to keep and use firearms for sport, personal defense, collecting, etc., and that no …

Maternity leave for physicians is a disgrace. It’s time to fix that.

Anonymous

Physician

October 22, 2015

Netflix listens to doctors. Google, Facebook, and Apple listen to doctors. The United States Navy and Marine Corps listen.

The above companies have updated their maternity leave policies — lengthening them all past 12 weeks. And all paid.

But yet, health care doesn’t listen to doctors. And let me tell you how.

I am pregnant. Which is a blessing in of itself. In fact, this is my 4th pregnancy, but I only have one child living. …

A patient’s death drove this physician to tears

Anonymous

Physician

October 21, 2015

“Doctor, I am ready to die.”

I knew her from a few years back. This patient of mine.

I am a hospitalist and the patients in my care come and go, making it difficult to really form relationships like the ones primary care physicians have with their panel of patients. But this patient was different. I saw her once many years ago when she was gravely ill, and we managed to pull her …

A medical student’s psychiatric hospitalization

Anonymous

Education

October 19, 2015

“You work here?!”

I nodded, a hint of a smile revealing my bemusement at his incredulity.

“Well … probably not after this.”

The other patients in the psych waiting area of the ER nodded in agreement. In my newly issued brown scrubs, stripped of my belongings, I was no longer a research coordinator at a top hospital, but rather one of them. And sadly, they believed being one of them meant you couldn’t …

Patient autonomy is held to be sacrosanct. A doctor reconsiders this view.

Anonymous

Conditions

September 26, 2015

The refusal of blood products by the Jehovah’s witnesses has often been cited as a great example of patient religious freedom triumphing over the traditional paternalism of medicine. Patients are free to refuse transfusion even at the risk of death. Many hospital-based physicians have, at one time or another, been witness to the demise of a patient refusing blood products, perhaps a preventable demise. Patient autonomy is held to be …

How anatomy lab changed this medical student forever

Anonymous

Education

September 13, 2015

I’m supposed to speak at the body donor memorial in September. I told the organizers my speech was written. “Don’t worry,” I assured them. “I have it all in my head, just need to get it down on paper. I’m a writer; it’s my process.” But the truth is that I am struggling with what to say. I’ve tried to write it, but I just end up drinking a pot …

Academic medicine still discriminates against women. Here’s one story.

Anonymous

Education

September 11, 2015

My idealism has been stolen. No other way to express how I feel just days past my third anniversary from graduating from fellowship. Post college, I spent thirteen additional years in training to become the specialist physician I am. I am reminded now of my Facebook post stating I was about to start my first “real job” with a picture of the beautifully lit signs at night of the university …

Judging without judging is the physician’s paradox

Anonymous

Education

September 3, 2015

Let me be the first to admit that my mind’s internal and unspoken dialogue produces scathing critiques of the people whose behavior or ideologies are divergent from my own. This isn’t to say that I intentionally treat anyone differently because of personal differences that I observe.

On the contrary, I make a conscious effort to make my actions and spoken words consistent among everyone with whom I interact, particularly when I’m …

How a physician recovered from the vicious cycle of addiction

Anonymous

Physician

August 27, 2015

I was an overachieving, well-rounded and sagacious undergraduate student. I majored in psychology, minored in biology and was an active member of the Psi Chi honor society. I was drawn to the study of psychology, and fascinated by the complexities of mental illness. I became certified as a research assistant and spent many hours with severely depressed individuals, who had become crippled by their illness. I was intensely intrigued by …

Doctors and nurses need to be better trained in palliative care

Anonymous

Conditions

July 15, 2015

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Doctors and nurses said patients and their families created the largest obstacles to end-of-life decision-making in the ICU in a large survey published in JAMA Internal Medicine.

About 1,300 staff at 13 academic hospitals in Canada rated barriers to end-of-life goals of care on a 1 to 7 scale. Doctors and nurses considered the largest barriers to end-of-life …

Antipsychotics in the elderly: Sometimes it’s excellent palliative care

Anonymous

Meds

July 8, 2015

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The outcry over antipsychotics has ranged far and wide. Everyone from governmental agencies to senior advocacy organizations have pointed to the abysmal data. Antipsychotics have a negative impact on morbidity and mortality. They say we are chemically restraining those who are too fragile to stick up for themselves. They say we are sedating instead of treating.

And I disagree wholeheartedly.

I manage a …

A physician enters rehab. What happens next should disturb you.

Anonymous

Physician

July 4, 2015

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I’m a physician, and I’m adrift. I am pretty much lost at sea. I’ve often thought of writing this column, but afraid I’d be recognized, I’ve hesitated for years. Even now, I’ll most likely remain anonymous, because I’m in a vulnerable position. Let me preface my remarks with the reassurance that I’m not a bad person.

I developed dependence on opioids several …

I’m a physician. But please don’t call me doctor.

Anonymous

Physician

June 5, 2015

I work in a place where nobody calls me by my name.

They all address me by a moniker of their choosing that I have asked them not to use. I have asked them to use my name. Aside from a few who respect my wish, most of my co-workers just call me by the impersonal-sounding phrase they’ve selected instead. It creates …

Hospitals are not built for doctors. Hospitals are for patients and their families.

Anonymous

Patient

June 1, 2015

Before I got into medical school, while I was still in my first year of graduate school, I learned what hell was like.

The hospital was a rabbit warren. Walking down the long empty beige halls fueled my hatred for hospitals. And, of the color beige.

When I volunteered during college, I would press myself up against the wall whenever a gaggle of doctors passed by. They ruled the hospital: powerful, scary, …

Anonymous

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