Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Just like driving lessons, parenthood is terrifying

Claire McCarthy, MD
Physician
September 27, 2015
Share
Tweet
Share

I did something really death-defying with my daughter this summer.

I taught her to drive.

Truly, teaching a teen to drive is scarier than just about anything else we do as a parent. It’s scarier than giving birth, as there are usually skilled people around during labor who can take over if things go awry. It’s way scarier than first days of school or first dates, scarier than most illnesses and injuries — some of those are scarier, but again, you’ve hopefully got medical folks around who can take over.

There’s nobody taking over when you are in a car with your teen.

Think about it: You are in a two-ton death machine that is in the hands of a teenager who doesn’t really know how to use it — and is too young to have any sense of their own mortality. Or anyone else’s, for that matter, including yours or that of the unsuspecting pedestrians and other car drivers.

To make matters worse, you can’t even let on how scared you are (I was reminded during one driving lesson that it’s really important not to gasp; it makes them more likely to swerve and do other dumb stuff). All you can do is hold on really hard to the arm rest (for emotional support), try not to let them see your foot pressing on the passenger brake you wish you had … and pray.

And it was in one of those prayerful moments that I realized that driving lessons are really the perfect metaphor for parenthood. Just like driving lessons, parenthood is terrifying. You aren’t in control. You have to do all sorts of things that make you afraid. You need to let your kids try things (at some point you have to let them drive somewhere besides the empty parking lot) — with no guarantee, ever, that something bad won’t happen. And yet you need to keep a poker face about it — even more than that, you need to be calm and encouraging and not panic (no matter how much you want to vomit).

It amazes me that we parents survive parenthood in general. Especially driving lessons.

But it was also clear to me in that moment of gripping the armrest that my daughter was terrified too — and doing her best not to show it. Because life is scary when you are behind the wheel for the first time — or going to kindergarten or high school, or getting on the blocks for your first swim meet, standing up in front of the class, trying to make friends or going on your first date.

Life is intrinsically terrifying. We don’t like to think about it, because it makes getting up in the morning hard when we do, but it’s true. Every day is an act of bravery and optimism.

That’s ultimately how I saw driving lessons, especially after she passed her driving test: an act of bravery and optimism for both of us. She didn’t let her fear get in the way of getting her license, and I didn’t let my fear get in the way of my love for her.

Which is maybe the hardest and best thing we do as parents. And by being brave, we teach our children to be brave, too.

I am really glad, though, that I have two years before my next child can get her permit. It may take me that long to fully recover.

Claire McCarthy is a pediatrician. She blogs at the Huffington Post, where this article originally appeared, and at Boston.com as MD Mama.

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

It's time for hospitals to take nutrition seriously

September 27, 2015 Kevin 28
…
Next

Health inspectors should be trained to do what doctors do

September 28, 2015 Kevin 2
…

Tagged as: Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
It's time for hospitals to take nutrition seriously
Next Post >
Health inspectors should be trained to do what doctors do

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Claire McCarthy, MD

  • Sometimes, talking to strangers is necessary

    Claire McCarthy, MD
  • Maybe God made teenagers difficult so we can let them go

    Claire McCarthy, MD
  • 4 mistakes parents make in the pediatrician’s office

    Claire McCarthy, MD

Related Posts

  • The lessons learned from street medicine

    Nicholas Bascou
  • May the 4th be with you: medical education lessons from Star Wars

    William F. Kelly, MD
  • Lifelong lessons from a medical student’s first rotation

    Ezinwanneamaka Morayo Ejiofor
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Lessons from the psychiatric ward

    Kristin Puhl, MD
  • Lessons from the meeting of different value-based concepts

    Joshua Liao, MD

More in Physician

  • How subjective likability practices undermine Canada’s health workforce recruitment and retention

    Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD
  • Why judgment is hurting doctors—and how mindfulness can heal

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • Why evidence-based management may be an effective strategy for stronger health care leadership and equity

    Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD
  • The gift we keep giving: How medicine demands everything—even our holidays

    Tomi Mitchell, MD
  • From burnout to balance: a neurosurgeon’s bold career redesign

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • Why working in Hawai’i health care isn’t all paradise

    Clayton Foster, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Decoding your medical bill: What those charges really mean

      Cheryl Spang | Finance
    • The emotional first responders of aesthetic medicine

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why testosterone matters more than you think in women’s health

      Andrea Caamano, MD | Conditions
    • A mind to guide the machine: Why physicians must help shape artificial intelligence in medicine

      Shanice Spence-Miller, MD | Tech
    • How subjective likability practices undermine Canada’s health workforce recruitment and retention

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Decoding your medical bill: What those charges really mean

      Cheryl Spang | Finance
    • The emotional first responders of aesthetic medicine

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why testosterone matters more than you think in women’s health

      Andrea Caamano, MD | Conditions
    • A mind to guide the machine: Why physicians must help shape artificial intelligence in medicine

      Shanice Spence-Miller, MD | Tech
    • How subjective likability practices undermine Canada’s health workforce recruitment and retention

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...