Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

What physicians experience today is feigned intimacy

Jordan Grumet, MD
Physician
January 10, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

Walter was far older than his chronological age.  A mere thirteen years, he kept company with a much older crew.  Doctors, nurses, and CNAs were his constant companions.  The other kids on his floor were either too sick to interact, or came and left within a matter of days.  But not Walter.  His heart was too weak to allow his departure, but too strong to be first in line for a transplant.

So he passed his spare time with the staff.  He often duped me and the other medical students out of our pocket change with some confidence game or another.  He was like a younger sibling, or maybe the hospital mascot.  Everybody knew him, and everybody loved him.  Unlike friends and neighbors, however, we knew the most intimate details of his medical history.  We examined his body and ordered blood tests.  We were in charge of his well-being.

Walter was the patient I spent the most time with during my medical school career.  He was a constant presence throughout my three months of pediatrics.  The last day of my rotation, the nursing staff got the unexpected call.  Walter was prepped and taken to the operating room.  A child had died tragically, and Walter was given a second chance at life.  Around midnight, my team snuck into the ICU and peeled back the curtain.

Walter was alive and well.  A breathing tube snaked from his mouth, and chest tubes hung from his bedside.  The grayish pallor of his face had been replaced by a pink glow.  I took one last look back and left the ICU.  And left my pediatrics rotation.

And stepped out of Walter’s life forever.

Years later, I am struck by how many times I have repeated this cycle in my medical career.  Patients come and go.  The doctor is inserted at most intense moment.  The patient dies, or leaves the hospital, or exits the nursing home, or moves away.  We live a life of transience.

I used to think of this as intimacy.  As I get older, I question this belief more and more.  For true intimacy, confidence is earned, not given forthright. It is the product of shared struggle and trust.  And when someone you are intimate with dies or leaves your life, there is a period of mourning, a time for closure.

What physicians experience today is feigned intimacy.  We swoop into people’s lives during their most intense moments and leave abruptly.

It’s no wonder most of us walk the hospital floors with gaping holes in our sides that only we are unable to see.

Wounded.

Gasping for air amongst the charred remains.

Burnt out.

Jordan Grumet is an internal medicine physician who blogs at In My Humble Opinion. Watch his talk at dotMED 2013, Caring 2.0: Social Media and the Rise Of The Empathic Physician. He is the author of I Am Your Doctor: and This Is My Humble Opinion.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

A life-threatening condition cannot dampen the human spirit

January 9, 2016 Kevin 2
…
Next

4 mistakes parents make in the pediatrician's office

January 10, 2016 Kevin 8
…

ADVERTISEMENT

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine, Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
A life-threatening condition cannot dampen the human spirit
Next Post >
4 mistakes parents make in the pediatrician's office

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Jordan Grumet, MD

  • The man who changed the world with baseball cards

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • A hospice doctor’s advice on getting your finances in order

    Jordan Grumet, MD
  • A story of persistence in the face of death

    Jordan Grumet, MD

Related Posts

  • Are patients using social media to attack physicians?

    David R. Stukus, MD
  • The risk physicians take when going on social media

    Anonymous
  • Beware of pseudoscience: The desperate need for physicians on social media

    Valerie A. Jones, MD
  • When physicians are cyberbullied: an interview with ZDoggMD

    Monique Tello, MD
  • Surprising and unlikely rewards of social media engagement by physicians

    Lisa Chan, MD
  • Physicians who don’t play the social media game may be left behind

    Xrayvsn, MD

More in Physician

  • Why more doctors are choosing direct care over traditional health care

    Grace Torres-Hodges, DPM, MBA
  • How to handle chronically late patients in your medical practice

    Neil Baum, MD
  • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

    Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD
  • Why medicine must evolve to support modern physicians

    Ryan Nadelson, MD
  • Why listening to parents’ intuition can save lives in pediatric care

    Tokunbo Akande, MD, MPH
  • Finding balance and meaning in medical practice: a holistic approach to professional fulfillment

    Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • America’s ER crisis: Why the system is collapsing from within

      Kristen Cline, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Beyond burnout: Understanding the triangle of exhaustion [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Facing terminal cancer as a doctor and mother

      Kelly Curtin-Hallinan, DO | Conditions
    • Online eye exams spark legal battle over health care access

      Joshua Windham, JD and Daryl James | Policy
    • FDA delays could end vital treatment for rare disease patients

      G. van Londen, MD | Meds
    • Pharmacists are key to expanding Medicaid access to digital therapeutics

      Amanda Matter | Meds
    • Why ADHD in women requires a new approach [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 23 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • America’s ER crisis: Why the system is collapsing from within

      Kristen Cline, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Beyond burnout: Understanding the triangle of exhaustion [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Facing terminal cancer as a doctor and mother

      Kelly Curtin-Hallinan, DO | Conditions
    • Online eye exams spark legal battle over health care access

      Joshua Windham, JD and Daryl James | Policy
    • FDA delays could end vital treatment for rare disease patients

      G. van Londen, MD | Meds
    • Pharmacists are key to expanding Medicaid access to digital therapeutics

      Amanda Matter | Meds
    • Why ADHD in women requires a new approach [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

What physicians experience today is feigned intimacy
23 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...