Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Caring for someone else is not all about you

Brian Slayton, RN
Education
January 13, 2017
Share
Tweet
Share

Incoming students, you need to hear this: it’s not all about you. Let me explain.

My first hospital rotation was on an oncology floor. I answered a patient’s call light by myself. She asked if we had any extra tissues, I said yes, and as I turned to leave she said, “I just got a phone call from my mother’s nurse.” Her mother was in hospice care, and the nurse had just told her that her mother was probably going to pass today and that she should come right over to the house.

The patient started to cry because she felt so guilty that she was stuck in the hospital with a complication from her lung cancer while her mother could pass at any moment. She started fumbling with legal papers that she still needed to fill out, looking up phone numbers, and she pulled on her IV lines. She wanted to leave, but knew she had to stay. She rambled between sharing her feelings of guilt to telling me about her mother when she was growing up.

Her emotions were spiraling. I froze, watching her from the doorway. What should I do? What should I say? Should I offer a tissue? Put my hand on her shoulder? Get her nurse?

We had just finished learning about therapeutic communication in school, and I desperately tried to remember the communication techniques and phrases we learned in class. Anything! But my mind was blank. Instead of listening to her, I was focusing on what I would say next. I was lost in my own thoughts.

The patient broke my internal debate about how I should respond by saying, “Are you listening?” I wasn’t listening, but I lied and said yes. There is something about obvious lies, they’re obvious to everyone else. She stopped speaking, politely thanked me for my time, and said she just wanted to be alone now.

I had failed. I hated that I couldn’t remember any of the therapeutic communication techniques from class. Deflated, I slumped down in a chair at the nurse’s station. An older nurse came over and asked if I were ok. I explained the situation and said how bad I felt that I didn’t do better.

She was quiet for a bit and then said, “It sounds like you still haven’t learned the lesson. Instead of focusing on how bad you feel, think about how the patient feels. Caring for someone else is not all about you.”

I thought for a minute.

She was right. For at least this moment, all that mattered was her mother. The patient didn’t want me to solve her problems. There wasn’t a golden sentence that would make everything ok. She was alone in a hospital room, and wanted someone to listen and share this life event with her.

Students, there will come a time when you won’t know what to say, how to respond, or what to do. That’s ok. And when that happens, listen. Just listen, and I mean really listen. Let the patient speak, then there will be silence, still don’t speak, the patient will fill the silence and start speaking more. You’ll know when the patient has finished sharing and, if you truly listened, you’ll know what to say next.

With increasing scope of practice, technological advances, and changing hospital policies, the art of patient care can get muffled. But at its core, patient care lives in the beauty of raw human connections.

Put down your papers, stop thinking, and be present in the moment. And remember, caring for someone else is not all about you.

Good luck in school.

ADVERTISEMENT

Brian Slayton is an oncology nurse.

Prev

The deadly risk of being treated by a male physician

January 13, 2017 Kevin 16
…
Next

This new year, a resolution to be grateful to the medical staff

January 13, 2017 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The deadly risk of being treated by a male physician
Next Post >
This new year, a resolution to be grateful to the medical staff

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • Caring for your own wounds: Lessons from the burn unit

    Emily Gorell
  • America’s inadequate LGBTQ medical education

    Haidn Foster
  • Hormone replacement therapy is still linked to cancer

    Martha Rosenberg
  • Who is caring for the care workers?

    Carole A. Estabrooks, PhD and Stephanie Chamberlain
  • A letter to a cancer patient in palliative care

    Alison Vasa
  • Cancer care costs everyone too much. What can we do about it?

    Andrew Hertler, MD

More in Education

  • Why clinical research is a powerful path for unmatched IMGs

    Dr. Khutaija Noor
  • Dear July intern: It’s normal to feel clueless—here’s what matters

    Tomi Mitchell, MD
  • Why medical schools must ditch lectures and embrace active learning

    Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA
  • Why helping people means more than getting an MD

    Vaishali Jha
  • Residency match tips: Building mentorship, research, and community

    Simran Kaur, MD and Eva Shelton, MD
  • How I learned to stop worrying and love AI

    Rajeev Dutta
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician
    • Why specialist pain clinics and addiction treatment services require strong primary care

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Conditions
    • Harassment and overreach are driving physicians to quit

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why peer support can save lives in high-pressure medical careers

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why telling kids to eat less and move more fails to address obesity

      Callia Georgoulis | Conditions
    • Why enterprise risk management is key to value-based health care success

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Rethinking physician resilience for sustainable well-being

      Sarah Webber, MD | Physician
    • How shared language saved a patient from isolation

      Syed Ahmad Moosa, MD | Physician
    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 3 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician
    • Why specialist pain clinics and addiction treatment services require strong primary care

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Conditions
    • Harassment and overreach are driving physicians to quit

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why peer support can save lives in high-pressure medical careers

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why telling kids to eat less and move more fails to address obesity

      Callia Georgoulis | Conditions
    • Why enterprise risk management is key to value-based health care success

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Rethinking physician resilience for sustainable well-being

      Sarah Webber, MD | Physician
    • How shared language saved a patient from isolation

      Syed Ahmad Moosa, MD | Physician
    • The shocking risk every smart student faces when applying to medical school

      Curtis G. Graham, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Caring for someone else is not all about you
3 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...