Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Don’t be one of those sports parents

Stephen F. Chambers, MD
Physician
July 14, 2017
Share
Tweet
Share

My wife and I married in our mid-thirties. Over the next five years, we had three sons. When our boys were young, we had no real desire to go anywhere or do anything unless it involved our family. Traveling and entertainment were a low priority unless it involved a Disney character, the Power Rangers and the like. My serious passions such as hunting and fishing were put on hold until my boys were old enough to go with me. We were old in comparison to most parents. After all, my wife and I were 40 and 43, respectively, when my youngest son was born. This age was reflected in our attitude of “been there and done that.” Parenting was our exception to this outlook. We had never done the parent thing before, and we really enjoyed it.

My wife had the kids registered for every sport that came around while they were young. Supportive of the programs and willing to volunteer, I coached the boys in kiddie soccer, which I knew nothing about, and T-Ball which was a blast. I even coached my two oldest when they were eight and six in flag football at the YMCA.

Unfortunately, we lost every game. When we were on our way home from the last game, I questioned my kids about the season. My oldest son, Rip, finally opened up and told me that I was the worst coach he had ever been around. I turned to my middle son, Crews (the tenderest of the three), and asked him if he had heard what Rip just said to me. He replied, “Yes, sir. You are the worst coach I have ever had, too. You made us losers.” What they did not understand was that Rip was the only kid on my team that could throw or catch.

That, my friends, was the last game I ever coached, which is probably why I still have a great relationship with all three sons.

While coaching in these early years, I could get a sense of who those parents were going to be. Those were the parents that would want a word with me after the games. They would ask why their kid was not playing shortstop or not batting in the first four positions in the lineup. This was T-Ball for God’s sake. I would look at these parents incredulously and wonder if they were serious. Yep, they were. I would try to be as nice as I could and tell them we would make a change in the next game. It was easy to be somewhat patient because I knew that my baseball coaching career would not survive past T-Ball. Parents that persisted to be those parents as their children advanced in age not only developed an annoying reputation, but also put their kids in jeopardy of being spurned or disliked by teammates. Such parental assertion calls into question the true skills of the child. Does the child have the talent or did the parent influence the placement of the child? Kids know the answer to that question. Don’t fool yourself. As a coach, I witnessed it happening in T-Ball. In later years from the sidelines, I found the actions of those parents destructive. I would not be one of those parents; I would not assert my views on the coaching staff. Instead, I contemplated how I could be a good sports parent.

Little League was when even the most normal of us would get amped up. I would leave work early to go throw pregame batting practice to my kids when they were as young as eight. My oldest son, Rip, caught the brunt of most of my intensity because he was the oldest, talented and large for his age. I would critique his play after his games and many times he would get defensive and cry. Fortunately for our relationship, he had the guts to cut me off around the age of 10 and say “Daddy, MomB (my mother) said that I am a much better athlete than you ever were at this age. Why do you get on me so much?” My heart absolutely broke at that moment. What was I thinking about riding this young kid about his performance? Who was I to give him grief? I was never a professional athlete or college athlete for that matter. That evening I brought all three boys into the room and said we needed to have a chat about sports. I apologized profusely for being a sorry daddy, and told them how proud I was of each of them. I promised that I would never say another negative word about their performance for the rest of their playing days. I asked them if I could yell encouraging words from the stands, and my oldest, Rip, and my youngest, Christian, said that would be great. My middle son, Crews, said he would appreciate it if I would “button it” during his games.

For the remainder of my kids’ playing days (they were pretty good high school athletes), I never ever said another discouraging word — but they did. If my kids had a subpar game, I would point out the good things they did, and I could usually name many. Without fail, when I would point out the good things, all three of my kids would point out every mistake that they made in the game. You see, our kids know better than anyone when they make a mistake or play poorly. We do not have to tell them. All we need to do is love and support them and let them know how proud we are. As a coach, I learned how important it was to put the best interest of the child ahead of the parent. As a parent, I learned how to put this practice into play.

If you and your wife were not professional athletes, it is highly unlikely that your kid will be a professional athlete. It is pretty unlikely that many of your children will ever play Division 1 college ball. My advice to each of you is to stay positive and enthusiastically supportive. Kids do not want you to be one of those parents. Listen to your kids. Learn from your parenting mistakes in the world of youth sports. Make your children proud of you. Don’t be that sports parent. Enjoy every minute of their playing days, because it really goes by in a flash.

Stephen F. Chambers is an internal medicine physician.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Doctors are in the way of progress. And thank God they are.

July 14, 2017 Kevin 1
…
Next

The real reason we think plastic surgery is just boob jobs and tummy tucks

July 14, 2017 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Doctors are in the way of progress. And thank God they are.
Next Post >
The real reason we think plastic surgery is just boob jobs and tummy tucks

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Stephen F. Chambers, MD

  • Help me help doctors in recovery

    Stephen F. Chambers, MD
  • Medicine comes in second for me

    Stephen F. Chambers, MD

Related Posts

  • A medical student’s letter to her parents

    Hillary McKinley
  • Working parents are key members of the United States workforce

    Inna Husain, MD and Meeta Shah, MD
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • The black physician’s burden

    Naomi Tweyo Nkinsi

More in Physician

  • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

    Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH
  • Removing vaccine advisers could jeopardize lives

    J. Leonard Lichtenfeld, MD
  • Why would any physician believe that the practice of medicine will become less abusive for them in the future?

    Curtis G. Graham, MD
  • The hidden war on doctors: Understanding administrative violence

    Maryna Mammoliti, MD
  • How doctors can stop frivolous lawsuits before they start

    Howard Smith, MD
  • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

    Neil Baum, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
    • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How dismantling DEI endangers the future of medical care

      Shashank Madhu and Christian Tallo | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

      Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH | Physician
    • 9 domains that will define the future of medical education

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

      Sarah White, APRN | Education
    • Why local cardiac CT scans could save your life

      Benjamin Cohen, MD | Conditions
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 7 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
    • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How dismantling DEI endangers the future of medical care

      Shashank Madhu and Christian Tallo | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

      Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH | Physician
    • 9 domains that will define the future of medical education

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

      Sarah White, APRN | Education
    • Why local cardiac CT scans could save your life

      Benjamin Cohen, MD | Conditions
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Don’t be one of those sports parents
7 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...