Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Learning to cope with the pandemic from palliative care patients 

Rob A. Ruff
Conditions
May 8, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

I’m a palliative care chaplain who provides spiritual support to patients with serious, life-changing, and for some, life-threatening, illnesses. A common story they tell is an illness, like a storm, blew them off their life’s map.  They find themselves lost in the unfamiliar territory of sickness. The future, once certain and promising, is now uncertain and ominous. Plans they’d made are on hold, possibly canceled. The specter of death looms on the horizon.

I’ve realized the current pandemic has landed us all in a spot similar to the palliative care patients I meet. The coronavirus storm blew us off the map we’d been using, leaving us needing new routines and new practices to guide us. Many feel disoriented in this new, unfamiliar territory. The future is uncertain, temporarily and maybe longer. Plans are on hold; we don’t know when life will return to normal.  Many are pondering their mortality as death tolls grow.

I’ve learned from palliative care patients ways to constructively cope with the uncertainties of serious illness. Here are a few of them, offered in the hope they help us deal with the pandemic.

You’ll experience grief. Serious illness and a crisis like this pandemic create losses, of health, life being normal, regular routines, the future being predictable.  Losses produce grief, which needs attention to be resolved. So during this time of change, name your losses.  Feel the emotions of your grief—sadness, anger, loneliness, or fear—without judgment.  Notice what is yet possible. And remember, grief is a normal response to loss and change.

Try to stay in the present.  Life happens in the present.  The past is gone, and the future is yet to be.  Yet in the face of illness or crisis, we often live in the past, wishing we’d made better choices; or in the future, worrying about what’s ahead.  When we ruminate on the past or fret about the future, it’s helpful to return to the present.  A way to do so is by focusing on your breath.  Breathing happens in and connects us to the present.  Take a few deep breaths.  Remind yourself, “I’m here now.”

Everything is impermanent. Peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh says we suffer in wanting things to be permanent when they are not. Life’s impermanence can be painful—we want enjoyable aspects of life to continue and struggle when illness, crisis, or death impose limits.  Yet, recognizing and embracing that the future is always uncertain can liberate us from the temptation to deny that truth, freeing up energy we can use in other ways. This is why some religious traditions add, “God willing” when making future plans.

Connect with others.  Robert Fulghum’s essay, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” includes this lesson: “When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.” I’ve learned a sure way to endure the challenges of illness is to “hold hands” with loved ones and “stick together.”  So amidst the physical distancing needed now, hold hands with your dear ones (while staying six feet apart!), stick together (even in virtual ways), and remember you’re not alone.

Intentionally seek beauty. Poet John O’Donohue said, “… if you can keep (a) … little contour (of beauty) … you can glimpse at sideways now, and again, you can endure great bleakness.” Beauty — like a song, poem, work of art, bouquet of flowers, or sunset — can help us endure a serious illness or serious pandemic.  Keep a bit of beauty nearby these bleak days to glance at now and again.

Look for meaningful moments. Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said, “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances but only by lack of meaning.” Making constructive meaning of an illness or pandemic helps make it bearable.  There may be nothing meaningful in the illness or pandemic itself, but meaning can be discovered in acts of kindness we see, in support from loved ones, or in springtime blooms emerging.  Look for meaningful moments during these uncertain days.

Be prepared. Author William Saroyan humorously said, “Everybody has to die, but I always believed an exception would be made in my case.” Amidst a difficult illness or COVID-19, it can be tempting to seriously believe we will be spared from death.  But denying death will inevitably come for us, puts us at risk of being caught unaware and unprepared. Thinking ahead to our death can help us prepare — practically, emotionally, and spiritually. Take a few moments to ponder your mortality.  Consider what you want and need to do before you die. Thinking about death can help us live more fully.

You may grow spiritually. Author Richard Rohr teaches that spiritual growth is produced by great suffering and great love.  This is why serious illness creates for some a deepened spirituality, drawing them closer to themselves, others, nature, and the sacred.  Be open to the possibility of inspiration and spiritual growth these days.  It happened for a New York doctor, who, though overwhelmed by a deluge of COVID-19 patients, facilitated a phone call between a grieving son and his dying Jewish mother.  The doctor wrote, “… I stopped what I was doing out of respect for this 100-year old woman and put the cell on speakerphone and told (her son) to talk. He was crying for his mother and praying… and it woke up some emotion in me that I had forgotten about. Time slowed down and I felt restored to myself. When he was done, he thanked me and blessed me, and I said thank you to him.”

Give thanks. Writer Anne Lamott said, “The two best prayers I know are ‘Help me, help me.’ and ‘Thank you, thank you.'” Serious illness and a global pandemic cause us to cry for help—from God or the universe,  healthcare providers, or loved ones.  And as we do, gratitude – giving thanks for blessings in our lives – provides a counterbalance to fear and worry. So notice the blessings in your life (even the mundane like toilet paper!), and be grateful.

Rob A. Ruff is a hospital chaplain.

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

A journey through time with a very modern foe

May 8, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

When doctors weren’t needed anymore: a short story

May 9, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: COVID, Infectious Disease, Palliative Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
A journey through time with a very modern foe
Next Post >
When doctors weren’t needed anymore: a short story

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Rob A. Ruff

  • a desk with keyboard and ipad with the kevinmd logo

    Change the warfare metaphors when it comes to illness

    Rob A. Ruff
  • a desk with keyboard and ipad with the kevinmd logo

    How to get ready for death

    Rob A. Ruff

Related Posts

  • A letter to a cancer patient in palliative care

    Alison Vasa
  • How social media can help or hurt your health care career

    Health eCareers
  • The COVID-19 pandemic is a catalyst for reimagining future health care delivery

    Imelda Dacones, MD
  • Learning the health care ecosystem is an uphill battle

    Mohammed Ahmed
  • How the COVID-19 pandemic highlights the need for social media training in medical education 

    Oscar Chen, Sera Choi, and Clara Seong
  • Reflecting on my experience as a teenage health care worker during the COVID-19 pandemic

    Ananya Raghavan

More in Conditions

  • Nurses aren’t eating their young — we’re starving the profession

    Adam J. Wickett, BSN, RN
  • What if medicine had an exit interview?

    Lynn McComas, DNP, ANP-C
  • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

    Maire Daugharty, MD
  • Why doctors stay silent about preventable harm

    Jenny Shields, PhD
  • Why gambling addiction is America’s next health crisis

    Safina Adatia, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • First impressions happen online—not in your exam room

      Sara Meyer | Social media
    • True stories of doctors reclaiming their humanity in a system that challenges it

      Alae Kawam, DO & Kim Downey, PT & Nicole Solomos, DO | Physician
    • Dedicated hypermobility clinics can transform patient care

      Katharina Schwan, MPH | Conditions
    • Why ADHD in adults is often missed—and why it matters [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • True stories of doctors reclaiming their humanity in a system that challenges it

      Alae Kawam, DO & Kim Downey, PT & Nicole Solomos, DO | Physician
    • How Gen Z is transforming mental health care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Nurses aren’t eating their young — we’re starving the profession

      Adam J. Wickett, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why wanting more from your medical career is a sign of strength

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • U.S. health care leadership must prepare for policy-driven change

      Lee Scheinbart, MD | Policy
    • Why the pre-med path is pushing future doctors to the brink

      Jordan Williamson, MEd | Education

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • First impressions happen online—not in your exam room

      Sara Meyer | Social media
    • True stories of doctors reclaiming their humanity in a system that challenges it

      Alae Kawam, DO & Kim Downey, PT & Nicole Solomos, DO | Physician
    • Dedicated hypermobility clinics can transform patient care

      Katharina Schwan, MPH | Conditions
    • Why ADHD in adults is often missed—and why it matters [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
  • Recent Posts

    • True stories of doctors reclaiming their humanity in a system that challenges it

      Alae Kawam, DO & Kim Downey, PT & Nicole Solomos, DO | Physician
    • How Gen Z is transforming mental health care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Nurses aren’t eating their young — we’re starving the profession

      Adam J. Wickett, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why wanting more from your medical career is a sign of strength

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • U.S. health care leadership must prepare for policy-driven change

      Lee Scheinbart, MD | Policy
    • Why the pre-med path is pushing future doctors to the brink

      Jordan Williamson, MEd | Education

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...