In my personal life and my training as a physician, the burden of “trying to never be wrong” was a mantle I was accustomed to carrying. In retrospect, it was probably a fusion of people-pleasing and perfectionist tendencies. Part of this character trait is having a fix-it mentality. Everything that was not working according to my plan should be fixed. If my patient is sick, I need to find out what the problem is. Now this is ideal in a medical setting, of course, but this mentality would leak into my personal life. If a relationship was in trouble, I had to fix it. If my kids were misbehaving, I had to fix it. If my financial situation is an issue, I have to fix it. Whatever is not working has to be fixed by me. As you can imagine, this was a dizzying task. A burden I unnecessarily put on myself. The heavy, colorful hat of Fix-it-Myself-and-Fix-it-Now Mindset.

As I became more aware and more mindful in practicing an intentional life, I realized that this burden was not something I needed to carry. I should not be fixing everything and everyone. Not every situation has to be and can be fixed. I did not have to be the Solution-finder. It was very exhausting to think that way! I am not the CEO of this world! That was not my job. My only legitimate job was to organize my brain and my thoughts, as that is the one role I have agency over.

One of the things that I find myself practicing more and learning is letting go of the 24/7 fix-it mentality. As a physician entrepreneur, the issues that needed my attention quadrupled, which made life even more exhausting. Can you imagine? Trying to find solutions for every issue that I encounter. So exhausting for a perfectionist. It was a recipe for discouragement.

So with the help of coaching and a lot of introspection, I am learning to shift. My solution-finder hat is still on, but when the issues are outside of my control (of which there are a lot), I find my other hat. The Mindset-Shift Hat. I look at an impossible situation, and if it is something I cannot fix—either now or ever—I pause. I pause and remind myself it’s ok. I can’t fix everything. I pause and let go of that ever-heavy fix-it hat and put it down. Part of doing that is truly being ok with the discomfort I am facing or seeing. Sitting quietly with the uneasiness that’s in front of me—like an itch I cannot scratch. Then, putting on the much lighter hat. Maybe there’s a reason why I cannot fix what’s in front of me. Was there a lesson in it? Maybe there is a skill I need to learn. Maybe it is a circumstance that will help me learn time management or emotional resilience. Maybe there is a virtue I need to develop—patience, gratitude, and perspective.

Solution vs. shift. This is by no means “giving up” on a task—although I sure thought about it that way in the beginning. I thought it was a cop-out. But I realized staying in that zone was not sustainable if I wanted to succeed. So I had to change to thrive. A decision to simply let go of the built-in burden that I had put on, like a backpack that I was unnecessarily carrying around. When I choose to practice shifting, I get to carry on. So instead of stopping because of discouragement, I continue with hope. I get to keep walking with a better perspective and a feeling of renewal that I can do the task I had set my eyes on. Persistence and commitment—that is what will lead to change and eventual success.

Caissa Troutman is an obesity medicine and family physician.