As a physician who cares about patients’ health and well-being, you have likely experienced the grief of disillusionment. You spent years in college, medical school, and residency, imagining the kind of health care you’d provide. It would be high-quality, patient-first, equity-oriented, and heart-centered. That vision got you through tough moments along the path.
Now, you find yourself pressured to spend as little time with patients as possible. You’re giving precious hours to administrative tasks. You look at your schedule and know you’ll be going non-stop, patient-to-patient.
In bed at night, you think:
Why do I feel so disconnected from my patients, even resentful?
How did I become the kind of practitioner who steps over people’s feelings?
I feel like I’m rushing people through a factory, instead of providing high-quality care.
How can I continue practicing like this?
These types of thoughts and feelings are signals that you’re experiencing the grief of disillusionment. It’s not what you envisioned. It doesn’t align with your values. And it’s not who you want to be as a physician.
Unaddressed, this can lead to overwhelm, burnout, lack of motivation, disconnection, and inertia.
None of this is your fault.
It’s painful when you care deeply and find yourself in health care systems that churn people through them, prioritize profits over people, aren’t built for the disadvantaged, and default to the status quo rather than innovating for the better.
That doesn’t mean you’re powerless.
1. Allow yourself to sit with the grief, loss, sadness, anger, and frustration about how the system is today. That may look like having a regular grief ritual or allowing the feelings to come when they come and accepting them with love. Your feelings reflect your values. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt.
2. Ask yourself if any internal dynamics contribute to the sense of disillusionment, stress, and overwhelm. A few examples of these include perfectionism, procrastination, negative self-talk, low self-esteem, thought-looping, and imposter syndrome. Each of these will layer on top of the disillusionment to create more negative feelings and a lack of agency.
To address these deep dynamics, get some support from a coach, therapist, or friend. As a first step, work on cultivating self-compassion, saying things to yourself like: “This is hard, and I’m doing my best;” “I don’t have to be perfect to be valued;” “I acknowledge myself for being empathetic in a system that undercuts our humanity.” Speak to yourself kindly and gently, as you might speak to a good friend or small child.
1. Recognize your wins and allow yourself to feel the pride that results. The extra few moments you took with a patient, the tough diagnosis you made, the procedure that was covered because of your advocacy, are all wins that happened because of who you are and the skills you bring. These are small gains to practice your way.
2. Find your allies. There are people who share your values, are committed to change, and are unwilling to be cogs when the status quo isn’t working for patients or physicians. Find them, and hold on tightly.
3. Identify your micro-impact (it will grow). Identify the thing you care most about and have some control over. Start to make small moves in that area, which will gain momentum over time. When you look back in a few years, you’ll start to see the accumulation of impact. Promise. But you’ve got to start small, build upon wins, and get support along the way.
Rebecca Arnold is an author, certified executive leadership coach, and founder of Root Coaching & Consulting, LLC, a holistic leadership coaching firm for ambitious professionals in high-pressure careers. She is an attorney by training, and through her coaching, she has worked with over 100 leaders in organizations such as Google and Harvard, as well as many others in the fields of medicine, academia, law, K-12 education, and social-impact organizations. She can also be reached on Instagram @rootcoach.
Her first book, the instant national bestseller The Rooted Renegade: Transform Within, Disrupt the Status Quo & Unleash Your Legacy, was released in June 2024. It shares the path to holistic success for ambitious professionals to live and lead more joyfully.
A graduate of Northeastern University School of Law, Rebecca did what every attorney should do: have a panic attack in the middle of a presentation and completely pivot her career to become an executive coach. She created the leadership coaching business she needed as a high-achieving professional, helping leaders make deep, lasting changes that build resilience, capacity, and impact.
