I spent many weeks as a patient in the hospital a few years ago and was encephalopathic during the entire stay. This means that I could speak and interact and, at times, especially to those who did not know me, appeared normal. I was told that I would give coherent lectures to the medical students who came to see me on rounds, only to not remember doing so an hour …
Not visiting your loved one in the hospital is an act of love
I never expected to find myself in this position. Ironically, I, a family medicine physician, in a world grappling with a pandemic, became underemployed for the first time since high school. A unique set of circumstances led me to this situation, but it turned out to be far more challenging for me emotionally than I expected.
At the end of 2019, I made a decision to leave my regular job as …
A story of a family physician looking for work during the pandemic
As someone trained in Brené Brown’s curriculum for helping professionals, vulnerability is my jam.
As a physician? Not so much.
The COVID-19 pandemic has thrown already burned-out health care providers into the arena with more than just a shortage of equipment. We are now expected to risk our own lives caring for others, which was not part of the original job description. Medical providers are not Marines, nor do we work for …
Vulnerability is challenging but necessary for health care professionals
In late March, on what is known as Match Day, graduating medical students like myself found out where we would continue training as residents. This has always been an exciting but stressful time. This year it is more than that. On top of the countless challenges of starting residency, we are becoming doctors on the front lines of a pandemic.
How …
I’m a new doctor, and I’m scared about the other threat to my colleagues’ lives
Multiple times a week, I get messages asking some variation of, “How are you holding up?” I am neither an anesthesiologist, critical care, or ER physician, so I’m not three inches away from exposure while intubating patients with coronavirus. I am also not a nurse or respiratory therapist in a room dozen of times a day administering life-saving medications, performing vital assessments, or carefully managing the oxygen lifeline. I’m certainly …
Doctors, how are you holding up? You could answer in one of 5 ways.
Several weeks ago, after hearing that I plan to begin medical school this August, someone asked me if I still would have chosen to become a physician had I known about COVID-19.
When I submitted my AMCAS application one year ago, I never imagined that I would be waiting in quarantine, wondering whether I will have a white coat ceremony. It never crossed my mind that I would be reading articles, …
After the pandemic, would I choose medicine again?
“Your patient just had their 6th no-show, this exceeds our policy limit, please call to investigate barriers to care, also we recommend formal dismissal from the clinic.”
The message regarding one of my obstetric patients was waiting when I opened my inbox this morning. In our primary care office, we have a policy regarding “no-shows”: Patients who miss a scheduled appointment without calling ahead to cancel or reschedule. Three strikes and …
Michael Jordan. Kobe Bryant. Yao Ming. These are the biggest names in the basketball world, and all three were my superheroes growing up. Even though I’d never had the chance to meet them, to see how they carried themselves on and off the court-inspired me to push myself, to find out what my limits were physically and mentally, and to constantly create new goals for myself after accomplishing what I …
The parallels between basketball and pandemic medicine
If you’re amazed that people are still shaking hands, waltzing around mask-free in public, and rushing off to hair salons and beaches in some states, learn to think like a therapist. Understanding the underlying motivations of people who ignore and defy COVID-19 precautions will help you relate more effectively to those in your own life.
Recently, I was pushing my shopping cart down the supermarket aisle in the direction that the …
8 reasons why people ignore and defy COVID-19 safeguards
As a psychologist, I have long been aware of some of the emotional impacts that illnesses like COVID-19 can have on individuals and families. I never imagined that I would experience some of these impacts directly. Furthermore, I never could have guessed what it would feel like to be told I tested negative for COVID-19 when I was feverish and fighting for air at the height of the pandemic.
I started …
The unsettling result of a negative coronavirus test
A dear midwife teacher of mine, during my intern year as an OB/GYN, told me, “You need to stop wearing those rose-colored glasses.” She told me I had to take them off to be able to understand the depth and breadth of what my patients were telling me, so I could read between the lines and become a well-trained clinician. In the years that have passed since my first year …
My rose-colored glasses are my secret instrument for survival
The coronavirus pandemic has turned the world, and all of its citizens, around, never to be the same again. As an ICU and ventilator survivor, I focus on the drama of the patient’s room, and the reality of what is truly a tragic experience. Nineteen-ninety-eight seems like yesterday, and while it was 22 years ago, it is fresh in my mind.
The vacation abroad that fall was a sunny respite from …
A physician’s personal experience with sepsis and ventilator support
The COVID-19 pandemic has upended health care, with telemedicine emerging as a strategy to reduce risk exposures for patients and clinicians. Originating from the Greek root tēle-, tēl-, tēle meaning “far off, afar, at or to a distance,” telemedicine encompasses virtual clinical services. Video visits, in particular, can be effective for many types of clinical care and offer convenience and savings for patients. As care …
Strategies to foster meaningful connection during telemedicine visits
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We are living in unprecedented times. Times filled with emotion and very little hard science. We are faced with the rapid spread of a new disease that has devastating consequences. The rapid spread is overwhelming our system that is designed for a steady state. Periodically, we are faced with events that overwhelm our system; mass shootings are a prime example. The duration of those events is measured in hours. We …
Combining emotion and reason in decision making
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
These verses flashed on my computer screen, the glare lighting my face as I sat in my bedroom. I paused my usual work and …
The power of poetry during a pandemic
We write personal statements when we apply to medical school and residency. They serve as a sort of window to our soul, our reflections and aspirations, our physician vision and mission. I was doing some soul-searching, and I found my medical school personal statement. The following is a snippet from it:
I believe that the purpose of medicine, of the restoration of health, is to remind people of their own mortality …
The new physician personal statement
I hugged her for the last time on March 15, waving goodbye as she drove away from my apartment complex. On April 15, I got a call that my friend was dead. She had unceremoniously taken her own life, unable to overcome the crippling feeling of hopelessness that plagued her after repeatedly being prevented from fulfilling her dream. The details of her death are devastating and tragic. Imagine being in …
Please make the tragic death of this physician mean something
The COVID-19 pandemic has raised many questions about how to constitutionally handle a public health crisis on both the state and national levels. Many wonder if a national lockdown can be put in place — a new dilemma that has little legal precedent to follow.
Can individual rights be limited to protect public health?
Short answer: Under Jacobson v. Massachusetts (1905), states may take measures to protect public …
Are COVID-19 lockdowns legal or not?
New York University residents are seeking compensation for the increased risk they face as they are called to the frontlines of the COVID-19 pandemic, but leadership has declined their request for hazard pay and now stands accused on social media of gaslighting residents.
Residents created a petition, addressed to NYU Langone Medical Center leadership, outlining the increased risk they face as the demand placed on the hospital system “skyrockets.” They ask for …
Is asking for hazard pay “not becoming of a compassionate and caring physician”?
I accepted my job as chair of the department of pathology at the University of Arkansas before I turned 40, though I didn’t start until after my birthday. I don’t know if I was the youngest chair in the country, but I think I was the only one with a car seat and a spare diaper in my purse. My memories of those first few months are still vivid, even …
How microaggressions contribute to impostor syndrome
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