Kara Pepper is an internal medicine physician.
Not long ago, my husband and I had a sobering realization: If we did not make major changes, we would regret spending our best years using every ounce of our energy on work. We accepted that exhaustion from our jobs was normal. Burnout became our status quo, and even a sabbatical didn’t create lasting well-being.
Unwilling to live with the regret of overworking, we ultimately made major changes and …
My first COVID vacation last year was spectacular, except that I barely remember three days because I was drinking to the point of amnesia.
I am a physician from a multigenerational family of alcoholics, and I never wanted to struggle with alcohol use disorder. Instead, I discovered that I could avoid feelings of discomfort by overworking, achieving, and staying perpetually busy. Workaholism became my drug of choice. As an adult, I …
The first week of my big attending job, I saw a patient with fever, sore throat, no cough, and tonsillar exudates. Well-trained to manage septic shock, but having no idea how to practice in a primary care clinic, I crafted a vast array of infectious and inflammatory diagnoses. With a quick glance, my senior partner said, “You don’t know that this is strep?” Flushed and wanting to hide, I thought, …
My patient balanced precariously in the bustling hallway as she carefully removed her boots and slipped into lightweight sandals. My medical assistant offered to hold her purse and jacket as my patient held her breath and stepped onto the scale. Squinting at the numbers, my patient sagged in frustration. “Same as last year. Nothing I do ever works.”
By the time I met her in the exam room, the patient had …
Ballet dancers and doctors are essentially the same people. Long before I entered medicine, ballet taught me the skills that made me successful in my clinical practice. I was a life-long learner. I improved my skills with daily practice. I was creative with limited resources. I strived for excellence and was rewarded for these efforts. The skills I learned as a professional ballet dancer prepared me well for medicine.
There was …
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
– Mary Oliver, The Summer Day
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being.” The word “ikigai” is usually used to indicate the source of value in one’s life or the things that make one’s life worthwhile. The word translated to English roughly means “thing that you live for” or “the reason for …
CC: “I feel like crap.”
HPI: 29-year old female internal medicine resident. Hasn’t seen sunlight in over three months due to 100 hour work weeks. Crying at work. Always exhausted and irritable. Isolated from friends and family. Feels guilty that she is not effective at work and home. States recent labs were normal.
ROS:
Gen: hypersomnia
HEENT: teeth grinding
CV: chest pressure, palpitations
GI: decreased appetite with weight loss
Neuro: headaches
Psych: apathetic, not suicidal
Meds: none
Social: alcohol on …
Every physician I know has a story about an unanticipated patient event. A story that was traumatic at the time and easy to now recall in fine detail. A story that was so impactful that it still haunts them. When a patient suffers an adverse event, many people are affected — the patient, his or her family, and the health care providers. The physicians and their team who are most …
I woke up today wearing the lead suit of grief. I was tired, irritable, and tearful. I was angry at the lack of PPE and the risk that this poses to my colleagues. I was sad, anticipating the loss of my colleagues who are still alive and well. I was in denial, wondering if I could sneak my kids out of town for spring break. But in reality, I was …
On my final day of work before beginning my self-imposed burnout sabbatical, a colleague asked, “Why don’t you just get on medication?” I remember thinking, “What am I medicating? I feel nothing.” I was in the vice grip of burnout, overwhelmed, and physically and emotionally exhausted. But mostly, I was numb.
But in reality, I have always self-medicated – with work. As a professional ballet dancer turned doctor, my life has …
Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.
