Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

It is almost midnight: Can this day be over soon?

Miranda Fielding, MD
Physician
December 16, 2012
Share
Tweet
Share

“As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods. They kill us for their sport.”
-King Lear, Act IV

There are certain days that everyone will always remember.  People of my generation uniformly remember where they were and what they were doing the day that John F. Kennedy was shot.  My children’s generation will never forget 9-11.  For my parent’s generation, images of Pearl Harbor, D-Day, Hiroshima and Nagasaki were burned into their brains.  But these were all public moments—John John’s salute, the mushroom clouds, the fall of the twin towers.  Amongst these more public iconic moments are the quiet ones, the ones that hit each of us hard individually.  For me, I think of the Challenger disaster, played out on the television screen in the waiting room of my department.  I tried to go on seeing patients as Christa McAuliffe, the first Teacher in Space, and her crewmates exploded before our eyes.  I had wanted to teach, and had dreamed of being an astronaut while growing up in Houston.  They were there, and then suddenly, they were gone.  The bombing of the Murrah building in Oklahoma City was another of those moments—for me, that firefighter will be carrying that baby out of the carnage forever. Thirteen years after it happened, I dragged my youngest son to Oklahoma City to visit the museum, and to sit and contemplate one of the loveliest and saddest public memorial spaces ever built.

Friday was another of those days for me as I tried to keep my patient flow going and stay on time while watching the Connecticut school shooting play out on my computer.  I can read the eyewitness accounts, and I can put my thoughts on paper, but it is the images, the pictures that will forever haunt me—the teachers and SWAT team members leading the frightened children, eyes and mouths open in terror, from a school which will never be the same out into a town that will likely never be able to celebrate Christmas again.  Where is the soul of a human being who can fire point blank into the heart of a child?  I asked my friend, who is a devout Catholic, “Where is God while all of this was going on?” She did not have an answer which I could believe or understand.  It rained a cold wet rain all day, here in this city where it never rains.

As I was driving home tonight I got a call from Daniel, my farrier.  Daniel never calls me at 7 pm on a Friday night, so I knew something was wrong.  He said, “Come home quickly, Gabriel called– Dash is colicking.”  Dash is my 27 year old Quarter Horse, recently laid up and on antibiotics for lymphangitis, an infection in his legs brought on by a late season of heat and drought which triggered a swarm of blood seeking flies.  Colic in an elderly horse who has never colicked before can be a bad sign—a stone perhaps, or a lipoma twisting the gut.  John, my horse vet for twenty years, got here quickly, sedated and tubed the old boy who is now resting comfortably.  I will be on horse watch for the rest of the night, armed with syringes full of painkillers and sedatives.  I know one thing for certain—this old horse has had a full, long and happy life—something those children who died Friday will never have.  It is almost midnight here.  Can this day be over soon?

Miranda Fielding is a radiation oncologist who blogs at The Crab Diaries. 

Prev

MKSAP: 65-year-old man with headaches and blurred vision

December 16, 2012 Kevin 0
…
Next

Locum tenens prepared me to volunteer in undeveloped countries

December 16, 2012 Kevin 1
…

Post navigation

< Previous Post
MKSAP: 65-year-old man with headaches and blurred vision
Next Post >
Locum tenens prepared me to volunteer in undeveloped countries

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Miranda Fielding, MD

  • I began to love medicine again

    Miranda Fielding, MD
  • What is the recipe for a great cancer doctor?

    Miranda Fielding, MD
  • Plastic surgery is more than Botox. Hopefully doctors can remember that.

    Miranda Fielding, MD

More in Physician

  • Why patients and doctors are fleeing flagship hospitals

    Anonymous
  • The hidden reason your vacations never feel like enough

    Kent DeLay, MD
  • Building trust in dyad leadership partnerships

    Amir Atabeygi, MD, MHA and Christina Mitchell, MHA
  • The hidden moral injury behind value-based health care

    Jonathan Bushman, DO
  • Why physicians struggle with caregiving and how to cope with grace

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • Why agency and partnership are vital in modern health care

    Alan P. Feren, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why rigorous training is vital for today’s surgeons

      Philip Alford, MD | Physician
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why hospital jobs are failing physicians: burnout, pay, and lost autonomy

      Justin Nabity, CFP | Finance
    • The cost of ending shadowing in medical education

      Matthew Ryan, MD, PhD | Education
    • Why enterprise risk management is key to value-based health care success

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Extreme weight cutting harms health and resilience in youth wrestling

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • The case for a standard pre-med major in U.S. universities

      Devin Behjatnia | Education
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why patients and doctors are fleeing flagship hospitals

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The hidden reason your vacations never feel like enough

      Kent DeLay, MD | Physician
    • Confronting the return of measles and vaccine misinformation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 2 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why so many doctors secretly feel like imposters

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician
    • Why rigorous training is vital for today’s surgeons

      Philip Alford, MD | Physician
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why hospital jobs are failing physicians: burnout, pay, and lost autonomy

      Justin Nabity, CFP | Finance
    • The cost of ending shadowing in medical education

      Matthew Ryan, MD, PhD | Education
    • Why enterprise risk management is key to value-based health care success

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Who gets to be well in America: Immigrant health is on the line

      Joshua Vasquez, MD | Policy
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Extreme weight cutting harms health and resilience in youth wrestling

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • The case for a standard pre-med major in U.S. universities

      Devin Behjatnia | Education
    • A physician employment agreement term that often tricks physicians

      Dennis Hursh, Esq | Finance
    • Why patients and doctors are fleeing flagship hospitals

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The hidden reason your vacations never feel like enough

      Kent DeLay, MD | Physician
    • Confronting the return of measles and vaccine misinformation [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

It is almost midnight: Can this day be over soon?
2 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...