Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

When I grow up, I want to be a drunk

Maria Yang, MD
Physician
April 16, 2013
Share
Tweet
Share

shutterstock_100033454

I want to wake up feeling restless and uncomfortable. It’ll be neat to drag myself out of bed to open that first bottle of wine. I’ll drink all of it within an hour. Then I’ll go to the liquor store. The guy behind the counter will know that, everyday, I will buy a pint of vodka from him. He will look at me with stony eyes, which will make me feel even more restless and uncomfortable. What he doesn’t know is that I will also get two more bottles of wine and a case of beer from the grocery store before I return home. As an adult, I want my sole coping skill to consist of getting drunk.

When I grow up, I want to get fired from all of my jobs because I am frequently drunk. I can’t wait for my boss to call me into his office because my coworkers smell alcohol on my breath. It’ll be fun to make an a$$ of myself while working because I just can’t stop myself from drinking that bottle of wine in the morning.

When I grow up, I want strangers to see me doubled over a tree planter with vomit on my shirt. I look forward to police officers shouting at me to get the f-ck up and move along. I am eager to see the disdain and disgust of the firemen and ambulance drivers when they realize that the 911 call was, yet again, for me. I can’t wait to hear the doctors and nurses in the emergency rooms say things like, “Oh, not him again. I’m so tired of seeing him. He’s taking up a bed that could be used for someone who is really having an emergency.”

When I grow up, I want to ruin all of my relationships because I am a drunk. I look forward to destroying property and scaring my girlfriends. I can’t wait for my wife to request a restraining order against me because I’ve threatened to kill her one too many times. It’ll be great when my parents and siblings never invite me over to their houses because they think my behavior is out of control. I can’t wait to achieve that level of isolation and notoriety.

When I grow up, I want to spend a lot of time in jail. I look forward to receiving charges of public intoxication, disorderly conduct, assault, and battery. I can’t wait to collect warrants because I was too drunk to show up for my court dates. It’ll be fun to bounce in and out of jail and frequently apologize to of all of my probation officers. It’ll be neat to lose my housing because I couldn’t pay my rent while I was in jail. Homelessness will be a delight!

When I grow up, I want people to judge me because of my alcohol problem. I look forward to people hating me because they believe that I choose to drink alcohol to the point that I can’t function. It’ll be exciting to realize that people believe I am useless and a waste of a human being.

When I grow up, I want to hate myself because I am a drunk. It’ll be fun to feel constant shame and complete lack of control over myself or anything else. I can’t wait to experience unending self-loathing and disappointment. And how thrilled I will feel when I realize that the only thing that makes me feel better in the moment is drinking more alcohol.

Maria Yang is a psychiatrist who blogs at In White Ink.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

End of life discussions require all hands on deck

April 16, 2013 Kevin 0
…
Next

So your partner wants to remove your pubic hair

April 16, 2013 Kevin 31
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
End of life discussions require all hands on deck
Next Post >
So your partner wants to remove your pubic hair

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Maria Yang, MD

  • A doctor’s COVID-19 advice to physician leaders

    Maria Yang, MD
  • When a patient in jail lacks impulse control

    Maria Yang, MD
  • Does medical school train students to become managers or leaders?

    Maria Yang, MD

More in Physician

  • Why more doctors are choosing direct care over traditional health care

    Grace Torres-Hodges, DPM, MBA
  • How to handle chronically late patients in your medical practice

    Neil Baum, MD
  • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

    Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD
  • Why medicine must evolve to support modern physicians

    Ryan Nadelson, MD
  • Why listening to parents’ intuition can save lives in pediatric care

    Tokunbo Akande, MD, MPH
  • Finding balance and meaning in medical practice: a holistic approach to professional fulfillment

    Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • America’s ER crisis: Why the system is collapsing from within

      Kristen Cline, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Beyond burnout: Understanding the triangle of exhaustion [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Facing terminal cancer as a doctor and mother

      Kelly Curtin-Hallinan, DO | Conditions
    • Online eye exams spark legal battle over health care access

      Joshua Windham, JD and Daryl James | Policy
    • FDA delays could end vital treatment for rare disease patients

      G. van Londen, MD | Meds
    • Pharmacists are key to expanding Medicaid access to digital therapeutics

      Amanda Matter | Meds
    • Why ADHD in women requires a new approach [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 23 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • America’s ER crisis: Why the system is collapsing from within

      Kristen Cline, BSN, RN | Conditions
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Beyond burnout: Understanding the triangle of exhaustion [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Facing terminal cancer as a doctor and mother

      Kelly Curtin-Hallinan, DO | Conditions
    • Online eye exams spark legal battle over health care access

      Joshua Windham, JD and Daryl James | Policy
    • FDA delays could end vital treatment for rare disease patients

      G. van Londen, MD | Meds
    • Pharmacists are key to expanding Medicaid access to digital therapeutics

      Amanda Matter | Meds
    • Why ADHD in women requires a new approach [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

When I grow up, I want to be a drunk
23 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...