Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

A doctor confronts his addiction

Peter Grinspoon, MD
Physician
March 21, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

An excerpt from Free Refills: A Doctor Confronts His Addiction.

It was a frigid winter day in February 2005, when two officers — one from the state police, one from the Drug Enforcement Agency — arrived at my office and sat waiting amid the spellbinding view of the neighboring arboretum and the friendly clutter of charts, papers, stethoscopes, medical books, discarded coffee cups, and pharmaceutical samples.

At the time, I was scurrying back from a noon lecture on cholesterol management, in order to resume office hours. My attention was focused on the first patients I was soon to examine, an elderly Jewish couple plagued with anxiety and hemorrhoids, when, stethoscope in pocket and monogrammed white coat fluttering, I stopped dead still in the center of my office. My momentum was arrested by the concentrated accusatory gaze of the law enforcement authorities.

Unlike the patients in the packed waiting room, these officers didn’t have the uncomfortable and deferential “I’m waiting for my prostate exam” look. Rather, their demeanor more resembled that of famished carnivores.

Far from famished, Rufus, the police officer, was morbidly obese, pasty, and spoke with a thick Boston accent. Bruno, the DEA agent, was thin, sarcastic, and fake friendly. He seemed as if he wanted to put his feet on my desk. (Why, certainly, your Federalness. Go right ahead.)

Reflexively, I started hedging, stalling for time, trying to create some understandable context for their presence in my office. “My wife, H., gave me your business card yesterday, and I’ve been meaning to call you. I’m really glad that you are here, and that — ” Bruno waved his hands dismissively and interrupted me with, “Doc, cut the crap already. We know you’ve been writing bad scripts.”

Bruno and Rufus weren’t here to arrest me and drag me outside in front of my staff or, worse, my patients, bumping my head against the top of their cruiser as they stuffed me into the backseat. They didn’t read me my Miranda rights or pull out guns. They didn’t yell, “Freeze, and put your hands up!” They didn’t handcuff me, shock me with Tasers, club me with riot sticks, or detonate any canisters of tear gas in my office. They didn’t hunker down behind my desk and radio in for reinforcements, bawling  into their handsets, “All units, we’ve got a doctor here who is taking drugs!”

Instead, seemingly with relish, they informed me that I was to be charged with three felony counts of fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance. They had evidence that I had written prescriptions for the powerful narcotic Vicodin in the name of a former nanny, who had long since returned home to New Zealand, and that I had been picking them up from the pharmacy for my own use. They were tipped off by an astute pharmacist at CVS.

They say the universe is still gradually expanding, but at that moment, my universe started collapsing, even imploding, like a balloon stuck with a pin. Just minutes earlier, I was blithely sipping on gourmet coffee and chomping down donuts that some drug rep had dropped off (trying to push, no doubt, a cholesterol-lowering drug) while daydreaming through some lunchtime lecture. I had the expectation of a moderately hectic but lucrative afternoon examining grateful patients, and then returning home to see my kids.

Suddenly I was facing serious legal and career uncertainty, and was feeling awash in guilt and confusion. I had dealt with handcuffs during the tumultuous years I worked for Greenpeace, and knew that they were child’s play compared to what my wife, H., was going to do to me when she learned of these charges. I’d take a Taser any day. And what about my kids? Were they going to be allowed to visit me in the penitentiary, waving at me through dirty plastic and speaking to me through a buzzing telephone connection?

At that point, I decided that I had had enough drama for one day, so I tried to politely signal to Bruno and Rufus that office hours were over. Doctors are excellent at dismissing people. We stand up, indicate toward the door with body language, ruffle some papers, and say something pithy about how we hope their fungus, or whatever is ailing them, feels better soon.

Unfortunately, Bruno and Rufus were just warming up. They pressured me with not-so-veiled threats. “Doc, we’re here just trying to get you the help you need. If you tell us what we need to know, we don’t have to blab to the other docs here and to your patients.” They were threatening to expose me if I didn’t sing, and to leave no stone unturned.

“Who else has been writing scrips for you? What other docs? Give us names. How else do you get pills? Buy them on the streets? Do you shoot up? Snort? Sell pills on the side? What other drugs do you use? Weed? Coke? Heroin? Angel dust?”

ADVERTISEMENT

Under duress, my mind started wandering. I couldn’t help thinking, “Since when do doctors do angel dust? Get with the times.”

Once this line of questioning dried up, they tried a different tactic. “Doc, if your wife is popping these pills, you will never get out of this.” They had the pleasure of meeting her the day before. According to the police report,

On 2/16/2005 at approximately 3:30 p.m. S/A XXXXX and TFO XXXXX went to —— Street, ——, MA and were met by H. who later identified herself as the wife of Peter Grinspoon, M.D. H. appeared nervous and agitated and refused to speak to S/A XXXXX and TFO XXXXX and further asked that they return with a uniformed officer if they wanted to speak to her. At approximately 5:00 p.m. S/A XXXXX and TFO XXXXX returned to the previously stated address accompanied by Boston Police Patrolman Andrew XXXXX. At this time, H. had a normal demeanor and agreed to speak with the officers. H. was asked if she knew R—— S—— and she responded that she has employed Ms. S—— as an au pair through International Au Pair. H. further said Ms. S—— left the U.S. in January 2004 and returned to New Zealand. At this time the interview was terminated.

Oh yeah. H. mentioned that the police came by. Really bizarre pillow talk. “Honey, the police stopped by today to ask about our former nanny.” I should have made a run for it. Possibly, just possibly, I could have made it over the Canadian border and spared myself the misery of the next few years. Good-bye, wife. Good-bye, children. Good-bye, career as primary care doctor.

I answered that no, thanks for your concern, but unfortunately, my wife doesn’t take prescription painkillers, and I was the one who had a problem.

Peter Grinspoon is a physician and author of Free Refills: A Doctor Confronts His Addiction.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Why doctors should care where their patients live

March 21, 2016 Kevin 0
…
Next

If this medical student was a test question, the answer would be depression

March 21, 2016 Kevin 8
…

Tagged as: Medications

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Why doctors should care where their patients live
Next Post >
If this medical student was a test question, the answer would be depression

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Peter Grinspoon, MD

  • Cannabis is ground zero in the fight for racial justice in America

    Peter Grinspoon, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Osler and the doctor-patient relationship

    Leonard Wang
  • Finding a new doctor is like dating

    R. Lynn Barnett
  • Doctor, how are you, really?

    Deborah Courtney
  • Be a human first and a doctor second

    Sarah Murad
  • Becoming a doctor is the epitome of delayed gratification

    Natasha Abadilla

More in Physician

  • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

    Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD
  • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

    Maureen Gibbons, MD
  • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

    Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO
  • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

    Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD
  • International doctors blocked by visa delays as U.S. faces physician shortage

    Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA
  • How I redesigned my life as a physician without abandoning medicine

    Ben Reinking, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • How to speak the language of leadership to improve doctor wellness [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Would The Pitts’ Dr. Robby Robinavitch welcome a new colleague? Yes. Especially if their initials were AI.

      Gabe Jones, MBA | Tech
    • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

      Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO | Physician
    • How organizational culture drives top talent away [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 3 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • How to speak the language of leadership to improve doctor wellness [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • Why Canada is losing its skilled immigrant doctors

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Would The Pitts’ Dr. Robby Robinavitch welcome a new colleague? Yes. Especially if their initials were AI.

      Gabe Jones, MBA | Tech
    • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why screening for diseases you might have can backfire

      Andy Lazris, MD and Alan Roth, DO | Physician
    • How organizational culture drives top talent away [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

A doctor confronts his addiction
3 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...