Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The secret life of a nurse

Debbie Moore-Black, RN
Conditions
August 3, 2018
Share
Tweet
Share

This is based on a true story. The name and some details of the events have been changed. 

She was the smarter nurse who floated to ICU, to CVRU, to CCU. She could handle any crisis: balloon pumps, CRRT, open-heart patients, respiratory distress, code blues — anything.

Sandy was quiet. She didn’t really have any nurse friends. She was a loner.

But we could depend on her to take the most difficult assignments.

She was our brightest star.

We delivered our babies two weeks apart from each other. I remember when we both got back from maternity leave, she proudly showed all of us 8 x 10 pictures of her family and of her new baby. I felt inferior. Like I was the bad mom because I had no pictures.

Both of our babies went to the hospital daycare. And every day that we worked together, the daycare would call Sandy on the phone. Her baby was frantic and having tremors. Something was wrong. And Sandy would have to leave our ICU and walk to the nursery and hold and rock her baby and breastfeed her. Her baby would eventually sleep into a beautiful toxic slumber.

Before the age of computers, narcotics were counted by a day shift nurse and a night shift nurse. Narcotic papers were signed and eventually sent to the pharmacy.

Sometimes the numbers didn’t add up. Sometimes a morphine ampule would have a crystallized gel wrapped around the scoring of the ampule — it was just clear nail polish.

Sometimes her patients would have unusually high blood pressure or high heart rates as if they were in pain. But they couldn’t be in pain. Sandy’s notes were meticulous, and her narcotics were well documented.

What we didn’t know was that Sandy was being watched by management and by the pharmacy. The pharmacists were aware of the discrepancies, the missing ampules of morphine and the uneven levels of medicine in the Valium vials or the crystallized solution gluing the top of the ampule to its body.

They moved Sandy around a lot. One day she’d be in the progressive care unit, the next day in CVRU, to ICU and CCU. And she never complained.

She was confident that she had this act of deception down to an art.
But she left a trail. The obsession, the perfection of covering her tracts became sloppy, and that’s how pharmacy picked up a trend.

Calls from the daycare, her baby screaming, her patients in excruciating pain but could only express themselves hemodynamically, as they couldn’t talk since they were on ventilators, restrained, balloon pumps and CRRT.

ADVERTISEMENT

She’d fade in and out from unit to unit. And there was never any eye contact.

We watched in disbelief as two security guards escorted her out of our ICU. A syringe and tourniquet found in her scrub pocket.

She sobbed and denied ever doing drugs.

She denied ever failing to medicate her patients.

She denied the fact that her baby was addicted to the morphine that flowed through her breast milk.

She tested positive for fentanyl. But she still denied.

We were all devastated. How did we miss this? Where was that cry for help?

The state board of nursing offered rehabilitation. They offered her help. She refused. Eventually, her nursing license was terminated.

DSS removed her children.

And we never saw Sandy again.

The perfect nurse.

The perfect mother.

Hidden by a mask that she wore each day that she clocked in.

Debbie Moore-Black is a nurse who blogs at Do Not Resuscitate.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Is debt-free medical school a financial blunder for doctors?

August 3, 2018 Kevin 0
…
Next

Don't let physician identity define you

August 3, 2018 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Hospital-Based Medicine, Nursing

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Is debt-free medical school a financial blunder for doctors?
Next Post >
Don't let physician identity define you

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Debbie Moore-Black, RN

  • What money can’t fix: the scars left by a friend

    Debbie Moore-Black, RN
  • A retired ICU nurse’s brunch conversation sparks a life-changing moment

    Debbie Moore-Black, RN
  • Wisdom for new nurses: lessons from a 30-year ICU veteran

    Debbie Moore-Black, RN

Related Posts

  • Ethical humanism: life after #medbikini and an approach to reimagining professionalism

    Jay Wong
  • The life cycle of medication consumption

    Fery Pashang, PharmD
  • It’s the Year of the Nurse

    Sarah E. Jorgensen, RN
  • A nurse’s reaction to MACRA haters

    Carrie J. Whitaker, RN
  • Registered nurse for president!

    John Green, DHA, RN
  • “You’re making a huge mistake because you’re threatening a nurse.”

    Admin

More in Conditions

  • Mpox isn’t over: A silent epidemic is growing

    Melvin Sanicas, MD
  • How your family system secretly shapes your health

    Su Yeong Kim, PhD
  • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

    Thomas Amburn, MD
  • Inside the high-stakes world of neurosurgery

    Isaac Yang, MD
  • Why I left the clinic to lead health care from the inside

    Vandana Maurya, MHA
  • One injection dropped LDL by 69 percent. Should we celebrate?

    Larry Kaskel, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why your clinic waiting room may affect patient outcomes

      Ziya Altug, PT, DPT and Shirish Sachdeva, PT, DPT | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • Why transplant equity requires more than access

      Zamra Amjid, DHSc, MHA | Policy
    • The ethical crossroads of medicine and legislation

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • How robotics are transforming the next generation of vascular care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • How robotics are transforming the next generation of vascular care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The high cost of gender inequity in medicine

      Kolleen Dougherty, MD | Physician
    • Mpox isn’t over: A silent epidemic is growing

      Melvin Sanicas, MD | Conditions
    • How your family system secretly shapes your health

      Su Yeong Kim, PhD | Conditions
    • Women physicians: How can they survive and thrive in academic medicine?

      Elina Maymind, MD | Physician
    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 7 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why your clinic waiting room may affect patient outcomes

      Ziya Altug, PT, DPT and Shirish Sachdeva, PT, DPT | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • Why transplant equity requires more than access

      Zamra Amjid, DHSc, MHA | Policy
    • The ethical crossroads of medicine and legislation

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • How robotics are transforming the next generation of vascular care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • How robotics are transforming the next generation of vascular care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • The high cost of gender inequity in medicine

      Kolleen Dougherty, MD | Physician
    • Mpox isn’t over: A silent epidemic is growing

      Melvin Sanicas, MD | Conditions
    • How your family system secretly shapes your health

      Su Yeong Kim, PhD | Conditions
    • Women physicians: How can they survive and thrive in academic medicine?

      Elina Maymind, MD | Physician
    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

The secret life of a nurse
7 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...