I sat up on that thin mattress in a nursing home. My earthly possessions were gone. The house I loved so much and worked so hard to buy, built in 1918, was no longer mine. I had taken a second job just to move out of the dilapidated trailer my husband had brought me to. I felt surrounded by poverty and hopelessness while he showed no ambition to leave. My …
A nurse’s final reflection on life, death, and regrets
Oh, how I remember this well: The wicked snowstorm that paralyzed many cities, year after year. I was driving my van to work as it slid on black ice and directed me down a hill towards a large church. I had no control and could only pray that I didn’t hit that large telephone pole. When my van finally came to a stop, I realized I had missed the telephone …
Essential personnel safety: the hypocrisy of hospital snow policies
After working close to 20 years in this medical-surgical ICU, I thought I was an expert. Infallible. I could do it all.
I left my ICU comfort zone, my lifelong nurse friends, and ventured out. Nothing could stop me.
For a different hospital system, I became a critical care resource nurse.
This very large hospital system would dictate what unit I would go to and for how long. I truly thought I could …
Why I left the surgical-trauma ICU: a nurse’s story of burnout
School had just started for the new school year. It was hot and humid. I had just retired from ICU nursing and behavioral health, a 46-year career and never skipping a beat. After several months of retirement, I couldn’t sit still. I was bored and had that nagging feeling that I wasn’t done yet with my career. Maybe that nagging feeling was guilt. Like you can’t quit. You can’t stop. …
A school nurse’s story of trauma and nurse burnout
I wanted to be at the top. Clinical ladder 4 was the top. You couldn’t get any higher achievement as an ICU nurse than this.
There were many requirements to obtain this:
I checked all the boxes, every year. It was hard work. And tiresome. The compensation for …
Emotional abuse recognition: a nurse’s story
She was a rocker. She loved the Doors, Pink Floyd, Mick Jagger, Led Zeppelin, and Bob Dylan.
She led a quiet life growing up. She was the “invisible child” among her siblings. They all had their labels in this household.
Progressively moving up the executive ladder as her daddy deteriorated (no longer a functional alcoholic), her mommy was distant and negligent and tended to care only for herself: designer clothes, perfect hairdo.
Mary …
A daughter’s reflection on life, death, and pancreatic cancer
We put on that strong face. Resilience. We learn to handle anything. But our outside appearance can fool you as our inner turmoil plays havoc emotionally.
I learned quickly that nursing was not all about holding hands with a sick child in the emergency room or fluffing up a pillow for a dying grandma. My initiation into the dark side of nursing began in the emergency department. I was fresh out …
The haunting trauma of nursing
An 18-year-old was admitted to our ICU with a questionable diagnosis. The drug screen did not reveal what he had taken. Our ICU intensivist speculated he ingested bath salts. Bath salts came to the U.S. around the 2010s. It was cheap and, even better, considered a “legal high” as it was not detectable in drug tests. Josh came to the emergency room psychotic, paranoid, and hallucinating, with hypertension and SVT. …
A nurse’s story of hospital bullying
In the hierarchy of health care professionals, I supposedly stand on one of the lowest steps of that ladder. Some say I am just a CNA. Some say I am the backbone of nurses and physicians. I say: I am a strategic part of this ladder. I do not have the medical knowledge or skills of a physician nor of a nurse. But what I do have is a heart …
He begged for mercy and his family refused
I stood at the check-in counter of my physician’s office, waiting for my yearly physical. Beside me, another patient was checking in. I recognized her instantly.
It was Denise—my childhood best friend.
And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to say hello.
We had spent our childhoods side by side—playing Barbies, cheerleading, swimming at the neighborhood pool. Every single day. She wasn’t just a friend; she was my safe place. We stayed close all …
What money can’t fix: the scars left by a friend
We were a team. Always had been. Always would be. We defended each other, protected each other—from management, from nurse bullies, from the cruel ICU doctors who thought they ruled the world. Back in the day, we had our own kind of “therapy sessions”—long talks over coffee, unloading the weight of twelve-hour shifts, of lives saved and lost, of the battles fought in the trenches of critical care. But life …
A retired ICU nurse’s brunch conversation sparks a life-changing moment
Dear new nurse graduate,
Welcome to a world unlike any other—a world brimming with happiness, sadness, confusion, self-doubt, defeat, and heroism. You’ve just stepped onto the first rung of a ladder that reaches into the unknown. Nursing is not easy, and there will be countless moments when you ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” or “Why did I choose this path?”
But nursing isn’t just a job; it’s a lifelong journey, a …
Wisdom for new nurses: lessons from a 30-year ICU veteran
The sun was out, casting a warm glow over the world as the snow melted into slush. The air was crisp, invigorating, as I leashed up my pups for their morning half-mile walk. Today, I had an extra companion, another pup I was babysitting, turning my duo into a trio.
As we strolled, I couldn’t help but feel grateful. My health—both physical and …
Finding freedom through gratitude and resilience
A former ICU nurse and close friend told me tonight that she wanted to start the new year on a positive note. I nodded, trying to absorb her optimism, but deep down, it felt like an impossible belief to hold onto.
Earlier in the evening, I finished watching Selena: The Series on Netflix. Tears streamed down my face, not just for Selena but for all those whose greatness was taken too …
How a nurse’s journey through trauma inspires hope and kindness
I was on the phone with my sister when I thought I heard a knock at the door. Then another. My dogs barked, and I told her, “Don’t hang up.” My chest tightened. Nightmares of someone coming for me flashed through my mind—a stranger lurking in the dark.
After more than 40 years as a nurse, transitioning from the chaos of the ER to the intensity of the ICU, I thought …
The untold story of a nurse’s final shift after 47 years of service
It was that bewitching hour. 0300. Behavioral health unit/behavioral health intensive care unit.
She was a small young woman. Her eyes appeared black as coal, as if her soul had been sucked out repeatedly. There were bruises around her eyes, black and blue punch marks up and down her arms. Several superficial cuts on her forearm—self-destruction. She was quiet, almost invisible. She wanted to sit in the corner of her bed, …
Abused and broken: her fight for survival in a behavioral health unit
I was raised in the Catholic Church. The solemn, reserved, respectful quiet as the priest whispered out his occasional reverent chants. That’s what I knew. That was the only thing I grew to love of the Catholic faith.
This friend of mine. We met years ago by happenstance. She was a firm believer in God, her husband, her dog, her daughters, and her Christian novels that she read feverishly.
She also loved …
Why prayers alone couldn’t save my friend from cancer
In the ICU, there was an experienced nurse. She was full of information and knew the policies and procedures inside and out. She was proficient in her role as an ICU nurse.
But she was flawed. Something was wrong.
Each day, she came to work wearing a gold bracelet, which she made sure everyone knew was valued at $15,000. She wore two-carat diamond rings. She would arrive, showing off her fancy pocketbook …
The shocking fall of a respected ICU nurse
Fred was the cool guy.
Back in the 1950s and 60s, smoking cigarettes was considered movie star quality. That circling of smoke in his parked car with the girl of his dreams.
He started smoking at the tender age of 15.
Fred had it figured out. Cigarettes were glamorous. Cigarettes were cool.
Doctors advertised that smoking was good for you. It helped you keep weight off, and it relieved your anxiety.
In 1965, the Surgeon …
The heartbreaking reality of smoking: a daughter’s final goodbye
(Trigger warning: suicide attempt)
It was dinner time at this hospital’s psychiatric unit. They shuffled into the dining area—slippers, pajamas, disheveled, sad, lonely, depressed … and forgotten.
Head count. All were present except for one: Rita. Faithful Rita. Always at every therapy session, including poetry therapy, art therapy, and bingo night. Always smiling and laughing, cheering up the other patients. Rita was 54 years old and a mother of three. Her husband …
The hidden pain behind a smile
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