I was sitting alone in a rundown trailer in the woods, surrounded by five acres of trees that crowded the blue sky. I had 60 aminophylline pills in my hand, hoping they would end my life. As an asthmatic, I believed that this was the best way to escape my problems, and no one would ever find me in this remote location.
My husband and I had moved to this place …
Surviving infidelity: a story of strength and hope
I now understand. As soon as I clocked out for the last time, I started to breathe again. The race, the rat race, everything is fast-paced and there’s no time to breathe when you’re in it.
But now I have time, and I don’t know what to do with it. I sleep, I wake up, I make some coffee, walk the dogs, and the rest of the day is empty. I …
From clocking in to clocking out: the transition to retirement
I treat myself to the same restaurant for breakfast once or twice a month. There she is again, the same waitress with those same sad eyes. She knows my name, but I don’t know hers. Sometimes she has a bruise on her forehead or bruises up and down her arms, and I can see through her makeup.
My heart aches because even though I don’t know her, I know her. It’s …
Help is out there: a waitress’ story of hope and inspiration
I finally found time after retirement to clean out my nurse’s book bag. It contained items such as a stethoscope, extra playing cards for patients, highlighters, various pens, a penlight, a notebook with important phone numbers throughout the health care system, tourniquets for IVs, and a plastic whistle.
This health care system, which has a revenue of $5 billion per year and spans throughout America, is quite complex. Let me explain.
The …
Nurse’s whistle of hopelessness: a tale of a dangerous workplace with no safety measures
As nurses in behavioral health, we were not well-versed in the field. After 33 years in ICU nursing, I left the unit expecting behavioral health to be an easier transition. However, the comparison between the two was like comparing apples to oranges. There was no real comparison between the two.
One day, we admitted a 33-year-old female patient who was constantly angry and had outbursts, hitting patients and staff members without …
Navigating gender identity confusion in a high-stress environment
We lived in the woods. Five acres of trees. You could barely see the sky. We left the big city for this piece of heaven. And by chance, we met a couple that had a 5-year-old daughter. Our son was four years old. They became best friends. They’d swing on the swing set, play in the sandbox, and splash each other in our little pool.
Kayla was this sweet, tiny girl. …
An angel in the woods: a tragic story and the gift of life
I wasn’t supposed to hear this, but I did. It sealed the deal for me. It was one of the reasons I had to finally leave my true love: ICU nursing. After 33 years as an ICU nurse, I knew it was time to go.
I used to feel like I had a purpose. I used to think I was a dynamic part of saving lives in the ICU. I lived …
ICU nurse of 33 years speaks out on the harsh reality of corporate hospitals
I always knew my work schedule, but this time I got it wrong … or maybe I got it right. I clocked in and reported to the ICU for my night shift to start, but I wasn’t on the schedule. Strangely enough, they had enough nurses that night. The nursing supervisor asked if I would be willing to go to the neonatal ICU (NICU) and rock a baby. Except for …
Nurse’s heart-wrenching encounter with newborn going through withdrawal
She was 82 years old — sweet, frail, and maybe four feet eight inches tall.
She had many beloved children, grandchildren, and even a few great-grandchildren
They all grew up knowing that family was their core — their base, their home where love resided.
It was only a few days before Christmas, and Mrs. Mary entered our ICU.
COPD.
She lived with this for a long time. But this time, it crippled her. We gave …
The Christmas miracle and the music box
They loved long walks through the woods in California. They were sweethearts in high school through college. If they wanted to take a break from their walks, the dogs would gang up on them and insist on continuing.
The trees, the skies, the quiet, the fresh smell of pine and wildflowers.
And on one clear blue sky day, Bill dropped down on bended knee and proposed to Jennifer. The breeze gently blew …
A careless misdiagnosis. A death. A lawsuit.
He was in the Ivy League for med school. His dad was an MD, and they lived not too far from this small town. Daddy’s house, a “mini-mansion,” was right around the corner.
After successfully completing his residency, Dr. David became our ER physician. This was a big deal—a big fish in a little pond.
He had an aura of wealth about him. He had an arrogance about him, too.
He was new …
It doesn’t matter where you are in the health care hierarchy
I could give you several examples of racism I have witnessed in my lifetime of nursing. But there is one incident that always comes up: Olisa.
Her name was passed down to her from her great-great-grandmother. Her name meant “God’s promise.”
Olisa came from a long line of nurses. Her great-great-grandmother was a nurse, nanny, and an enslaved person owned by some wealthy folks on their Southern plantation.
But the torch was passed …
We were reminiscing recently at a brunch we set up. It had been many years since we had seen each other. Eventually, we went our separate ways. But we reconnected once again.
Anna was one of our night shift nurses. She was bright and articulate. She eventually became a preceptor and mentor to many new ICU nurses.
The “night shifters” are on an island of their own. We form a special family, …
Seemingly unimportant acts make a big difference
Over 30 years ago, this man began working for our hospital system.
He was assigned to our ICU/CVICU units. Though some health care employees hadn’t even been born yet, Charles was a tried and true “lifer.”
He was our housekeeper. And he was our friend — our family.
He was a man with energy and stamina. He was a hard worker. Relentless. He could spin circles around a pack of 20-year-olds put together.
His …
He was more than a housekeeper
If mommy dearest only knew.
There I was, sitting in the banquet room — a room full of retired nurses celebrating with upper management. They were praising us for our retirement and praising us for our blood, sweat and tears and massive overtime hours with little to no potty breaks. They were praising us for our missed time with our families, like Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving.
It was nice.
With their white gloves, …
I have survived every tragedy that comes with nursing
He was a tall, healthy psychiatric technician, experienced in his line of work. He was a CNA but wanted more. He wanted to help heal the troubled, forgotten, and neglected — behavioral health was his niche.
He would lead the way with therapy sessions in this group every day. This was Intensive management: the intermittent home for the paranoid schizophrenics, bipolar, and MDD.
They came in all shapes and sizes — wealthy, …
Game over for behavioral health
Maybe we need to educate upper management — those multi-million-dollar hospitals with multi-million dollars per year salaried CEOs and board members with their financial perks — that health care professionals and nurses during “Health Care Worker/Nurse Week” in May of each year are no longer in the second grade.
Maybe we need to remind “them” that we are college-educated health care professionals with degrees, like ADNs, BSN, MSNs, RNs, LPNs, educators, …
Health care worker appreciation: When the thought doesn’t count
It was a known fact — I was 4′ 11″ but I had a mouth on me to compensate. I was loud and noisy. Fellow nurses called me the “rebel without a cause.”
But I had a cause.
I knew I was David against Goliath. Almost everything became my cause. And I verbally fought my way through this iron-clad management structure.
I had to fight for the betterment of the patients, their survival, …
Lesson learned: Pick your battles
I thought it would be easier than ICU nursing. After 33 years as an ICU nurse, I had to leave. I just couldn’t take the pounding on the chests of little old men and women. Hearing and feeling their ribs crack while CPR was performed. I couldn’t handle these poor patients who should have had a peaceful death when the inevitable was near.
Family members with expectations of miracles. Denial. Rationalization.
And …
A patient hit me: Why I say anti-assault prayers
It’s not what you think. It’s not my actual mortality.
It’s that emotional death.
Of being a nurse.
If you’ve never been a nurse. Then you will never know.
It’s that’s giving of yourself: heart and soul.
Constantly and forever.
It’s not being with your family for Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas.
It’s not being able to go to the bathroom or even take a 30-minute break in 12 to 13 hours.
It’s being surrounded by bully nurses …
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