Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

The other side of the curtain

Jacqueline Bolt, MD
Physician
December 3, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

Sometimes I forget. I forget what it is like to be on the other side of the curtain. I forget that what is just another day of work, another shift, another seemingly ceaseless night of call for me may indeed be the longest day of their life. Sometimes I forget that the waiting seems endless, that the seconds turn inexplicably into hours, the hours into the next day. Sometimes, while they wait, I am absorbed in the care of another. Sometimes this other requires more urgent, more critical attention. While I am not ignoring, but prioritizing – sometimes I forget that still, they sit – anxiously, breathlessly, wondering when the answers will be revealed.

Sometimes I forget what it is like to be full of questions, observations, and worries that spill over to the point of being unable to speak. I forget that they do not know how many others are waiting, how many minutes I have been in this room already, how many more tasks await once I finish here. I forget that sometimes it is the listening that is the most therapeutic, the most crucial to their healing. And when I do need to speak, sometimes I forget that they have no idea what I am saying – that though I am trying my best to distill and explain, that swirling fog of sleeplessness, fear, and dinging alarms may be slowly drowning out my words.

Sometimes I am reminded. I am reminded of what it is like to be at the mercy of the medical system. Sometimes I am reminded by family or friends that the hospital is not a place one willingly goes – it is, indeed, somewhere best avoided. I am reminded of the mystery that enshrouds the workup, the diagnosis, and the treatment when, without access to the documentation, I must rely on the lay understanding of a health care encounter conveyed via text message.

Sometimes I am taught. I am taught by those I seek to serve about how little I may know. Sometimes I am taught by a parent’s pleading eyes – ones threatening to spill their long pent-up emotions – that I did not hear their true concern. And when I ask, I am taught that it is not always the diagnosis that matters—it is the explanation, the assurance, the relief from fear that they seek.

Sometimes I am the patient. I am the one on the wrong side of the curtain. Sometimes I am the one seeking clarity, explanation, compassion. I am the one waiting, wondering when an update or answer will be provided. Sometimes I am looking at the MD badge, questioning whether this doctor is actually internalizing my complaints or truly hearing my story; sometimes, I am the one curtailing my concerns as I decipher whether this provider cares more about me or about the time and expense of the consultation. Sometimes, the dynamic shifts when I pull out my own badge – revealing my background or choosing to speak in the medical terminology with which they may have labeled me. While I benefit from this privilege, this partial leveling of the playing field, I cannot help but wonder how those without this advantage fare. I cannot help but reflect on my own interactions with patients and wonder how my presence, persona, prose is interpreted, and how it shapes both the interaction and outcome. And finally, I cannot help but wonder how things could change if each of us, at least sometimes, would stop to remember, or at the very least, imagine, what it is like to be on the other side of the curtain.

Jacqueline Bolt is a pediatric emergency medicine fellow.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

The potential for violence against health care workers during COVID-19

December 3, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

2 a.m. thoughts of an emergency physician during the pandemic

December 3, 2020 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
The potential for violence against health care workers during COVID-19
Next Post >
2 a.m. thoughts of an emergency physician during the pandemic

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Jacqueline Bolt, MD

  • The pediatric health care system tested to the limits: an inside look at the “at capacity” period during the tripledemic

    Jacqueline Bolt, MD
  • You are more than an eating disorder

    Jacqueline Bolt, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • The black physician’s burden

    Naomi Tweyo Nkinsi
  • Why this physician supports Medicare for all

    Thad Salmon, MD
  • Embrace the teamwork involved in becoming a physician

    Nathaniel Fleming

More in Physician

  • Why women doctors are still mistaken for nurses

    Emma Fenske, DO
  • Adriana Smith’s story: a medical tragedy under heartbeat laws

    Nicole M. King, MD
  • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

    Ashish Mandavia, MD
  • From survival to sovereignty: What 35 years in the ER taught me about identity, mortality, and redemption

    Kenneth Ro, MD
  • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

    Mike Stillman, MD
  • When the white coats become gatekeepers: How a quiet cartel strangles America’s health

    Anonymous
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why male fertility needs to be part of every health conversation

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
    • Why women doctors are still mistaken for nurses

      Emma Fenske, DO | Physician
    • Inside human trafficking: a guide to recognizing and preventing it [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Graduating from medical school without family: a story of strength and survival

      Anonymous | Education
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
  • Recent Posts

    • Why women doctors are still mistaken for nurses

      Emma Fenske, DO | Physician
    • How home-based AI can reduce health inequities in underserved communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Adriana Smith’s story: a medical tragedy under heartbeat laws

      Nicole M. King, MD | Physician
    • What if medicine had an exit interview?

      Lynn McComas, DNP, ANP-C | Conditions
    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • From survival to sovereignty: What 35 years in the ER taught me about identity, mortality, and redemption

      Kenneth Ro, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 2 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why male fertility needs to be part of every health conversation

      Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian | Conditions
    • Why women doctors are still mistaken for nurses

      Emma Fenske, DO | Physician
    • Inside human trafficking: a guide to recognizing and preventing it [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Graduating from medical school without family: a story of strength and survival

      Anonymous | Education
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
  • Recent Posts

    • Why women doctors are still mistaken for nurses

      Emma Fenske, DO | Physician
    • How home-based AI can reduce health inequities in underserved communities [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Adriana Smith’s story: a medical tragedy under heartbeat laws

      Nicole M. King, MD | Physician
    • What if medicine had an exit interview?

      Lynn McComas, DNP, ANP-C | Conditions
    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • From survival to sovereignty: What 35 years in the ER taught me about identity, mortality, and redemption

      Kenneth Ro, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

The other side of the curtain
2 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...