Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

We cannot control what people choose to believe, and we can’t deny what we know

Claire Unis, MD
Physician
December 18, 2020
Share
Tweet
Share

A few months ago, I quit social media. It was absolutely the right decision for me – I needed my time back. So many little moments of beauty and consideration get skipped when my brain follows one feed after another and loses track of time.

But every now and then, when I have ten minutes to kill, I will check-in. Usually, I go right to a group of women physician equestrians I am part of, or a pediatrician mom group, or physician writers. Sometimes a post I am “tagged”  in, and less often, my randomly presented friends’ posts.

Last night, before I clicked away, photos of a baby shower popped into view. Startled by the vision of so many people packed together for a group photo, indoors, maskless, I could not help but feel my heart sink. While the mom-to-be looked radiant, I could not help but feel terrified for her. And then angry. And then confused. Do they still think COVID isn’t real?

Taking a step back, it’s true that most people do fine with COVID. They will survive and not even have lasting effects. How I envy them their confidence! I cannot be the only clinician feeling like Cassandra, warning of danger others don’t seem to see. Wanting to be right and not-right at the same time. Feeling left-out of the opportunity to gather with other people and be silly and carefree. I was invited to the baby shower. We all knew I wouldn’t go.

It’s hard to sort through the feelings these pictures brought up. Months ago, when it became clear these were people who would insist on their facial freedom even in the grocery store, I felt hurt by their rejection of medical advice. Then angry: that my friends are people so selfish as to not think of others’ vulnerability when deciding not to wear masks. Frustrated that reasoning made no difference. Sad that our friendship may never recover from the rift in point of view. Intrigued by the confidence they project, and perhaps their greater acceptance of mortality. But no, I cannot accept making that decision for others. It isn’t knowledge that drives their decision; it’s faith in something wholly outside science. They simply believe themselves invulnerable.

Here’s the bitter pill: They might be right. Because I wish them well, I hope they are. But my pride wants them to be a little bit wrong, too. Most of all, if I am honest, I feel envy. Wrapped in our obligation to know as much as possible, we clinicians surrendered our bid for innocence long ago. I simply cannot suspend knowledge and go enjoy a baby shower, or a Christmas party, or even dinner with friends. Some days practicing medicine gives me wings. Sometimes it feels more like a cage.

I have spent decades trying to marry spirituality and science. While you can always gain more of both, the problem is the science can never be unlearned.

So the only way forward – as it always is, with grief – is acceptance. We cannot control what people choose to believe, and we can’t deny what we know. They are living in the best way they know. So am I. It’s not about being right or wrong; it’s just sad we can’t be together right now. Life is humbling to all of us. Hopefully, we will come together on the other side.

Claire Unis is a pediatrician and can be reached at Literary Arts in Medicine.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

What it’s like to be pregnant in a pandemic [PODCAST]

December 17, 2020 Kevin 0
…
Next

Teenagers, sleep, and the global pandemic

December 18, 2020 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: COVID, Infectious Disease

Post navigation

< Previous Post
What it’s like to be pregnant in a pandemic [PODCAST]
Next Post >
Teenagers, sleep, and the global pandemic

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Claire Unis, MD

  • Blogging for beginners: tips for success in any niche

    Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Claire Unis, MD
  • Lessons from a civil rights icon: How to lift as we climb

    Claire Unis, MD
  • How physicians can use writing to share their expertise and impact the lives of others

    Aaron Morgenstein, MD & Claire Unis, MD

Related Posts

  • Gun control is our lane: Physician opinions on guns matter

    Karen S. Sibert, MD
  • Advocating for people with disabilities: People First Language

    Leonard Wang
  • Gun control vs. violent criminal control

    Scott Abramson, MD
  • Why do people hate Obamacare?

    Julie Rovner
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Facing the pressure to choose a specialty

    Jamie Katuna

More in Physician

  • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

    Howard Smith, MD
  • The hidden chains holding doctors back

    Neil Baum, MD
  • 9 proven ways to gain cooperation in health care without commanding

    Patrick Hudson, MD
  • Why physicians deserve more than an oxygen mask

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • More than a meeting: Finding education, inspiration, and community in internal medicine [PODCAST]

    American College of Physicians & The Podcast by KevinMD
  • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

    Trisza Leann Ray, DO
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why physician voices matter in the fight against anti-LGBTQ+ laws

      BJ Ferguson | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The hidden bias in how we treat chronic pain

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why physician voices matter in the fight against anti-LGBTQ+ laws

      BJ Ferguson | Policy
    • From burnout to balance: a lesson in self-care for future doctors

      Seetha Aribindi | Education
    • How conflicts of interest are eroding trust in U.S. health agencies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why young doctors in South Korea feel broken before they even begin

      Anonymous | Education
    • Measles is back: Why vaccination is more vital than ever

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why recovery after illness demands dignity, not suspicion

      Trisza Leann Ray, DO | Physician
    • Addressing the physician shortage: How AI can help, not replace

      Amelia Mercado | Tech
    • Why medical students are trading empathy for publications

      Vijay Rajput, MD | Education
    • Why does rifaximin cost 95 percent more in the U.S. than in Asia?

      Jai Kumar, MD, Brian Nohomovich, DO, PhD and Leonid Shamban, DO | Meds
    • Why physician voices matter in the fight against anti-LGBTQ+ laws

      BJ Ferguson | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • What’s driving medical students away from primary care?

      ​​Vineeth Amba, MPH, Archita Goyal, and Wayne Altman, MD | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The hidden bias in how we treat chronic pain

      Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Meds
    • A faster path to becoming a doctor is possible—here’s how

      Ankit Jain | Education
    • Residency as rehearsal: the new pediatric hospitalist fellowship requirement scam

      Anonymous | Physician
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why physician voices matter in the fight against anti-LGBTQ+ laws

      BJ Ferguson | Policy
    • From burnout to balance: a lesson in self-care for future doctors

      Seetha Aribindi | Education
    • How conflicts of interest are eroding trust in U.S. health agencies [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why young doctors in South Korea feel broken before they even begin

      Anonymous | Education
    • Measles is back: Why vaccination is more vital than ever

      American College of Physicians | Conditions
    • When errors of nature are treated as medical negligence

      Howard Smith, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...