Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Being a pediatrician did not prepare me for parenting

Saba Fatima, MD
Physician
January 30, 2021
Share
Tweet
Share

“Your child should always sleep on the back, by themselves, in their crib, bassinet, or pack and play with no stuffed toys or loose blankets.”

These words are ringing in my ears as I put my newborn baby in the bassinet for the millionth time, only to get a shrill cry in return.  She screams and screams as tears roll down my exhausted face, just hoping to get an hour of sleep.  This is the speech that I have given almost a thousand times in my training as a pediatrician and in practice after. Whenever I saw newborns, I would go into every room with a straight face and repeatedly say the same thing. The parents were often too exhausted and nodded in return, and I assumed they understood. I then left the room to see new patients. As those very words echoed in my head a few weeks after the birth of my first baby, I felt pretty much a failure. My child would not do the one thing I preached to all, which was the safest choice for her.

At that moment, I wish I had told all those parents that yes, this is the safest choice for your newborn but also acknowledged that it was challenging. I wish I would have shown some empathy so that they did not feel like they were failing like I did today. But did I really know better myself? Did I really know what it felt like to be a parent until today? I do not really think so.

My years of training had taught me everything that is correct and by the book but nothing much about the reality of parenting. I learned the physiology and benefits of breastfeeding and how demand-supply worked; I learned a few techniques as well. But I did not learn how tough it would be to sit for hours alone in a chair, pumping and feeding away to make sure the baby was well fed. I did not learn how many tears of disappointment I would cry when I could not produce enough milk to feed my baby despite all my effort.

I learned about newborn reflux and colic and soothing techniques. I also learned about purple crying and how hard it can be. But I never learned or felt the frustration that a parent would experience to see their baby in pain and discomfort all night. I had absolutely no idea how disabling it was to see your baby crying for hours and not being able to figure out what they needed or how to help them.

I learned about safe sleep and swaddling techniques. I learned how babies lose their lives due to suffocation. But I never knew the amount of extreme exhaustion I would experience in the first few weeks of parenting due to lack of sleep. I learned about postpartum depression and anxiety; I learned how common it is. But I did not learn how terrifying it felt to not feel affection towards your own child. I never learned how much pain your body goes through while recovering from labor.

Every time something would happen to the baby, my husband would look at me with questioning eyes. “You are supposed to have all these answers; this is what you do.” And I looked at him, thinking in my head, “No, I don’t,” too embarrassed to say it out loud. I felt so lost as a new parent, but at the same time, I had to pretend that I was not.

Being a pediatrician did not prepare me for parenting. But I hope being a parent will now equip me to be a better pediatrician. I hope I can teach them whatever I know about safe sleeping, breastfeeding, and newborn care, but I also hope to acknowledge the reality and struggles of parenting. I hope my statements and recommendations do not sound generic and rehearsed. I hope I can tell them every child is different and will not follow the book. I hope I can be more understanding and empathetic towards the angry and worried parents and applaud them all for what an amazing job they are doing. I hope they can remember me as a friendly face who understands their struggles and not just their doctor who tells them what to do.

Saba Fatima is a pediatric hospitalist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Health care’s tech renaissance during the pandemic [PODCAST]

January 29, 2021 Kevin 0
…
Next

Building a bond of trust between patient and physician

January 30, 2021 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Pediatrics

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Health care’s tech renaissance during the pandemic [PODCAST]
Next Post >
Building a bond of trust between patient and physician

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Saba Fatima, MD

  • On my hard days, my patients are my heroes

    Saba Fatima, MD
  • What it’s like to be pregnant in a pandemic

    Saba Fatima, MD
  • Vaccinating your child is a matter of trust

    Saba Fatima, MD

Related Posts

  • Mentors, thank you for parenting me

    Micaela Stevenson
  • The basics of the MMR vaccine from a pediatrician

    Roy Benaroch, MD
  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Pandemic parenting during medical school

    Jessica De Haan, PA-C
  • A pediatrician was bullied by his fellow physicians on Twitter

    Mick Connors, MD
  • 9 medical student tips to prepare for the Match

    Diego Razura

More in Physician

  • How policy and stigma block addiction treatment

    Mariana Ndrio, MD
  • Why don’t women in medicine support each other?

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • IMGs are the future of U.S. primary care

    Adam Brandon Bondoc, MD
  • The high cost of gender inequity in medicine

    Kolleen Dougherty, MD
  • Women physicians: How can they survive and thrive in academic medicine?

    Elina Maymind, MD
  • How transplant recipients can pay it forward through organ donation

    Deepak Gupta, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why your clinic waiting room may affect patient outcomes

      Ziya Altug, PT, DPT and Shirish Sachdeva, PT, DPT | Conditions
    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • The ethical crossroads of medicine and legislation

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • How community and buses saved my retirement

      Raymond Abbott | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Coconut oil’s role in Alzheimer’s and depression

      Marc Arginteanu, MD | Conditions
    • How policy and stigma block addiction treatment

      Mariana Ndrio, MD | Physician
    • Unused IV catheters cost U.S. hospitals billions

      Piyush Pillarisetti | Policy
    • Why U.S. universities should adopt a standard pre-med major [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Ancient health secrets for modern life

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • How the internet broke the doctor-parent trust

      Wendy L. Hunter, MD | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why your clinic waiting room may affect patient outcomes

      Ziya Altug, PT, DPT and Shirish Sachdeva, PT, DPT | Conditions
    • The human case for preserving the nipple after mastectomy

      Thomas Amburn, MD | Conditions
    • Nuclear verdicts and rising costs: How inflation is reshaping medical malpractice claims

      Robert E. White, Jr. & The Doctors Company | Policy
    • How new loan caps could destroy diversity in medical education

      Caleb Andrus-Gazyeva | Policy
    • The ethical crossroads of medicine and legislation

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • How community and buses saved my retirement

      Raymond Abbott | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Health equity in Inland Southern California requires urgent action

      Vishruth Nagam | Policy
    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • How restrictive opioid policies worsen the crisis

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
    • Why primary care needs better dermatology training

      Alex Siauw | Conditions
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Why pain doctors face unfair scrutiny and harsh penalties in California

      Kayvan Haddadan, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Coconut oil’s role in Alzheimer’s and depression

      Marc Arginteanu, MD | Conditions
    • How policy and stigma block addiction treatment

      Mariana Ndrio, MD | Physician
    • Unused IV catheters cost U.S. hospitals billions

      Piyush Pillarisetti | Policy
    • Why U.S. universities should adopt a standard pre-med major [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Ancient health secrets for modern life

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • How the internet broke the doctor-parent trust

      Wendy L. Hunter, MD | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Being a pediatrician did not prepare me for parenting
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...