Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Unlearning perfectionism: Embracing imperfection and finding my true self through improv

Wendy Schofer, MD
Physician
June 16, 2023
Share
Tweet
Share

I walked into my local improvisational comedy theater a few years ago and started taking classes to escape burnout and have some fun. It was so freaking difficult. Here I was, a frazzled, tightly-wound mid-career pediatrician, surrounded by all these creative, quirky folks from all walks of life who were just so funny. I kept hearing, “We don’t want to hear you on stage, Wendy,” meaning they wanted me to drop the character of being a professional, mom, and pediatrician.

When we were playing a game called “Hitler’s Baby” (look, it wasn’t my choice), I hit a wall. We had a chance to go back in time and rewrite history. The “baby” was placed in my arms. Here was my chance: Now what?

Nope. Hell no. There is no way that I am going to hurt a baby. Solid line was drawn.

I do believe I bored the baby to death.

That was the time when I decided my pediatrician character was everything. I didn’t return to the theater for about five years.

After the dust settled from COVID, my son and I returned to the theater together. Hey, they no longer play Hitler’s Baby (thank goodness), and I had changed a lot in the ensuing years. I was exhausted from all the roles I had been playing in my real life. Burnout had jumped up and bitten me in the ass multiple times.

I got on stage. I messed up, repeatedly. And yet, I would say, “Yes, and,” with my partners, and we would build new worlds together. I found that I, too, am one of the creative, quirky folks. In fact, when I am being creative and quirky, that’s when the real me is present.

Improv is helping me break the rules of my life, what I think it needs to look like to be successful or doing it right. Heck, there’s even a game called “World’s Worst,” where we get to play the worst of any role we are given. Game on.

I am now on a house team for the theater. It’s truly a privilege and a huge step for me repeatedly signing up to fail. Because if I don’t risk failure, I will never know what I can really do.

That is the antithesis of the way that I had been taught medicine. I was taught to mold, perfect, dial in to identify the pattern, the problem, and fix it.

I hit another wall last night during practice. My partner and I were given a character and a location. We were nuns in New York City. Now what?

I made praying hands, always looking up, and we wound up in the Empire State Building, you know, to be closer to God.

(Screech)

ADVERTISEMENT

My mentors said, “Wendy, we want to see the person who is the nun. No one goes around living their life as that profession. OK, perhaps nuns are an exception. But I’m a shipbuilder, and you probably don’t know that because it doesn’t influence how I show up here. That’s not the way that we introduce ourselves.”

Nuns are not the only exception. Physicians. Professionals. Moms. “No one goes around living their life as their profession. No one introduces themselves as what they do.”

Actually, everyone I know does. We are all trying to live as the “World’s Best.”

They wanted to know about the person who was the nun, the emotions, what is important to her. Who is this human that happens to be a nun?

It hit me like a ton of bricks. No, the nun isn’t the exception. I’ve been living my life with a set character: wife, mom, pediatrician, military officer. I let the role define me. It stifled what is really important—the person who happens to be in this profession.

I am not alone.

For years, I walked into a room and introduced myself as a physician, including outside of the medical office. I had worked so freaking hard to become a physician; it was who I was. And also as a mother, I would ask myself, “What does a good mother do?” and let that drive my decisions.

Those decisions were not reflective of me, Wendy, the human who just happens to be a mother and a pediatrician. Those decisions did not honor the imperfect human who was being stifled in the roles she was playing.

Last night, my mentor told me, “I don’t care if you ever mention anything about being a nun. I want to know what is important to you. In fact, who are you, Wendy? What is important to you?”

I responded quickly, “Connection.”

“OK, so that’s how you go through life, with connection being the most important thing.”

“Absolutely,” I said.

My mentor asked, “So what about your nun?”

My partner and I were off. We were looking for patterns of emotion, building outward instead of looking for unifying patterns inward, which had been my diagnostic approach in medicine. I wasn’t looking for the right way to play a role. In fact, I leaned into all the quirks of the human who happens to be a nun.

Improv is giving me the opportunity to fail repeatedly. But I don’t see it as failing. I see it as unlearning. I am unlearning the lessons that I thought were so important in medicine: perfectionism, role-playing, finding a singular “right answer,” and fixing it. Instead, I’m becoming more human, imperfect, feeling, and connecting.

Because that is who I am.

Wendy Schofer is a pediatrician.

Prev

Unlocking the secrets to aging well [PODCAST]

June 15, 2023 Kevin 0
…
Next

Unleashing the power of optimized operations, data connectivity, and technology for unparalleled patient care

June 16, 2023 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Unlocking the secrets to aging well [PODCAST]
Next Post >
Unleashing the power of optimized operations, data connectivity, and technology for unparalleled patient care

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Wendy Schofer, MD

  • The power of self-appreciation: Why physicians need to start acknowledging their own contributions

    Wendy Schofer, MD
  • It’s time to stop focusing on family weight

    Wendy Schofer, MD
  • Why physicians should go on a retreat

    Wendy Schofer, MD

Related Posts

  • Finding happiness in the time of COVID

    Anonymous
  • Finding a mentor to replace a medical student’s parental support

    Tasnim Ahmed
  • How I met your mentor: tips to finding sponsorship and mentorship

    Lindsey Migliore, DO
  • Finding a common chord with a patient

    Jimmy Chen

More in Physician

  • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

    Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH
  • Removing vaccine advisers could jeopardize lives

    J. Leonard Lichtenfeld, MD
  • Why would any physician believe that the practice of medicine will become less abusive for them in the future?

    Curtis G. Graham, MD
  • The hidden war on doctors: Understanding administrative violence

    Maryna Mammoliti, MD
  • How doctors can stop frivolous lawsuits before they start

    Howard Smith, MD
  • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

    Neil Baum, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
    • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How dismantling DEI endangers the future of medical care

      Shashank Madhu and Christian Tallo | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

      Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH | Physician
    • 9 domains that will define the future of medical education

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

      Sarah White, APRN | Education
    • Why local cardiac CT scans could save your life

      Benjamin Cohen, MD | Conditions
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
    • Why flashy AI tools won’t fix health care without real infrastructure

      David Carmouche, MD | Tech
    • How the 10th Apple Effect is stealing your joy in medicine

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Make cognitive testing as routine as a blood pressure check

      Joshua Baker and James Jackson, PsyD | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • The broken health care system doesn’t have to break you

      Jessie Mahoney, MD | Physician
    • How dismantling DEI endangers the future of medical care

      Shashank Madhu and Christian Tallo | Education
    • How scales of justice saved a doctor-patient relationship

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why being a physician mom is harder than anyone admits

      Cynthia Chen-Joea, DO, MPH | Physician
    • 9 domains that will define the future of medical education

      Harvey Castro, MD, MBA | Tech
    • When the diagnosis is personal: What my mother’s Alzheimer’s taught me about healing

      Pearl Jones, MD | Conditions
    • What led me from nurse practitioner to medical school

      Sarah White, APRN | Education
    • Why local cardiac CT scans could save your life

      Benjamin Cohen, MD | Conditions
    • Reassessing the impact of CDC’s opioid guidelines on chronic pain care [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...