One of my all-time favorite quotes from the original Star Trek episodes (“Balance of Terror”) is spoken by Dr. McCoy to Captain Kirk: “In this galaxy, there’s a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us… [pause]… Don’t destroy the one named Kirk.”

McCoy is waxing philosophic. He’s saying that despite the enormous vastness of the universe, there is only one of you. You are unique and quite irreplaceable. So don’t destroy yourself. (Kirk was about to wage battle with the Romulans). And while three million million must have seemed like a large number in 1966, it turns out he may have been off by about three orders of magnitude.

Nevertheless, the message hits home: everyone is special, more specifically, that Kirk was special to McCoy. I ask, who is special in your life – and have you told them recently how much you appreciate them?

Nowadays, it is common to hear people say, “I appreciate you.” I’ve gotten used to it, but quite frankly, it unnerves me a bit. I just smile and nod dumbly, not knowing if I should thank them for their special appreciation of me as they stare into my soul.

This expression has been popularized by the television show Ted Lasso, an Apple TV comedy/drama of an American football coach hired to manage a British soccer team. Ted doesn’t know the sport, the rules, or much about the culture, but what he lacks in hard facts, he more than makes up for in soft skills.

Ted often asks for input from others, both for new ideas and to get them on board with his way of thinking. When he gets an answer that’s not correct or not what he’s looking for, he’ll say something like, “That’s a great idea, just not the one I’m looking for,” or “I appreciate you weighing in,” or “Love you jumping in, but nope, that’s not it.” All said with eye contact, softness in his face, and a light tone.

People used to say “I appreciate it” when you did something for them. I have thought that the phrase “I appreciate you” is wrong or strange, hovering somewhere between “thanks” and “I love you,” but some people apparently believe that it is not only OK  to use it but important to let others know that you appreciate their good deeds. If you’re undecided about whether to use the phrase or aren’t sure what to say, “I (really) appreciate it” may sound more normal when somebody does a favor for you.

There are plenty of situations where “I appreciate you” is appropriate to use. A person may say it to a spouse, partner, or close friend as a way of expressing thankfulness for that person’s presence in their life. In such a situation, “I appreciate you” is not necessarily said in response to any preceding comment or act but often just as a spontaneous and non-specific expression of emotional connection and gratefulness for the relationship.

I heard the phrase when some college students expressed their gratitude to their favorite security guard for his long service. The security guard was in charge of a college dorm, and the students lived in the dorm. They seemed to have an emotional connection with him.

I can imagine being one of those students and saying, “I appreciate you.” By this, I mean that I feel respect and some affection for the security guard—not just for his thankless and possibly dangerous job he’s been doing for years but also for the way he treats the students he sees every day. I picture him interacting with students in such a way that they recognize (maybe unconsciously) that he has their safety at heart and takes pride in protecting them.

I’ve been supervising a nurse practitioner for several years. She routinely says, “I appreciate you,” every time I give her advice on managing one of her patients. I “appreciate” her acknowledgment of my skills and abilities, but hey, I’m just doing my job. Yet, I like the way she intones, “I appreciate you, Dr. Lazarus,” in a slight show of affection. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. I should only interpret her acknowledgment as, “I want you to know that I notice your efforts, and I’m grateful.”

I’ve observed that in many professional contexts, especially in medicine, the phrase “I appreciate you” can provide us with a powerful alternative when “thanks” may not pack enough punch. My version of the phrase usually takes into account my southern exposure: “I appreciate y’all for helping me out.” When I’m back north, especially in my hometown of Philadelphia, it usually comes out as: “I appreciate youz.”

Here are some examples where “I appreciate you” might be especially impactful in a medical setting:

• When acknowledging team effort: “I appreciate you for your hard work and dedication during the night shift. Your efforts made a significant difference for our patients.”
• In recognizing patient care: “I appreciate you for the compassionate care you provided to Mrs. Smith. Your kindness and professionalism are truly commendable.”
• When expressing gratitude to support staff: “I appreciate you for always keeping the clinic running smoothly. Your organizational skills are indispensable to our team.”
• To thank colleagues for their support: “I appreciate you for covering my shift last week. Your willingness to help out is greatly valued.”
• For encouraging team morale: “I appreciate you all for your continuous dedication and hard work. Together, we make a great team.”
• In patient communication: “I appreciate you for trusting us with your care. Your cooperation and positivity help us provide the best possible treatment.”

Using “I appreciate you” in these contexts helps foster a positive and supportive environment. It highlights the importance of each individual’s contributions and promotes a culture of mutual respect and gratitude. Adopting this phrase can help strengthen relationships, boost morale, and create more enjoyable moments.

Go on, then, sprinkle the sparkle of gratitude on your coworkers and the special people in your life. Make their day shine brighter with your words: “I appreciate you.”

Arthur Lazarus is a former Doximity Fellow, a member of the editorial board of the American Association for Physician Leadership, and an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the Lewis Katz School of Medicine at Temple University in Philadelphia, PA. He is the author of several books on narrative medicine, including Medicine on Fire: A Narrative Travelogue and Narrative Medicine: Harnessing the Power of Storytelling through Essays.