Regret. We often think about it because of an action or lack of action. We regret having done something or perhaps not doing enough. Regret is filled with “shoulds,” which soon spiral down into guilt, remorse, self-judgment, anger, and depression.
To me, I think about the actions often. Do I regret having trusted or opened my heart to others?
The thing is, I don’t have ANY regrets. I have experienced many circumstances where, having lived through them, I should have closed my heart.
As a child, I trusted those close to me, and that trust was betrayed. I have lived through things no child should have experienced. I have been in cars driving too fast in dangerous situations, and it is truly a miracle I am still here. I have loved deeply and passionately and have been dumped without a reason, as my heart broke and my ego was bruised. I have been on dates in which I quickly realized I may be chopped up into little pieces, but thankfully I came out unharmed. I have “trusted” friends and was roofied in college, yet not raped or hurt. I have traveled extensively and been in places where the big and strong person I trusted was no longer my protector but could have become my strangler. I have been robbed at gunpoint a week before my wedding, abroad, with both passports stolen. Due to my allergy to superficial conversations, I have opened my heart to where my openness was used against me.
Yet, I don’t regret it. It is just like being a surgeon. Our job is high stakes and invasive, and complications happen. They can be so painful many surgeons stop doing that certain operation or leave medicine altogether to avoid facing the pain.
We can all list our experiences and decide that the pain is too much to bear. Trust has been broken. We can no longer trust or love. We must close our hearts as the pain of vulnerability is too much.
Yet closing our hearts and dimming our lights is not the answer. I am light, and so are you, and I refuse to dim my light because I am afraid of the darkness. I have seen it eye to eye, and I am not afraid. We must realize we have Divine Power, Divine Intelligence, and Love. We must use it. Opening my heart and having it broken has taught me the greatest lessons: to love and to forgive. To love myself and not judge my errors, to learn from them each time. We are all trying our best with the tools we have at the time.
Even those who have hurt me were doing the same. They, too, lost their way and are hurting. Hurt people hurt others. We must realize at our core we are love. As Rumi said, “You are the soul of the Universe, and your name is love.”
In love, we forgive. In love, we let go. In love, we are grateful for the lessons learned. In gratitude, there is no regret as nothing is ever lost. We don’t lose anything in lessons learned.
As Einstein said, “Energy cannot be destroyed; it can only be changed from one to another.” So, change the energy of anger, resentment, and regret and transmute it to love. Have the courage to let go, to forgive, and to heal.
And in that, there are no regrets.
Diana Londoño is a urologist and can be reached on Twitter @DianaLondonoMD.
