I have wanted to be a doctor since I was 12 years old. I revered my pediatrician, Dr. Helen Nash, who was a giant in our community. Growing up poor in St. Louis, it was rare to see a Black doctor. Seeing Dr. Nash—owning her own practice, helping people, and commanding deep respect—was inspiring. She was an advocate for health care in the African American community, and whenever she spoke, I listened.

I remember her pointing to me and saying, “You can do whatever you want. You’re smart—make the most of it.” She urged me to consider medicine, and I am so grateful she did. I love being a doctor. It has been my dream since childhood, and I fought through unimaginable adversity—academic struggles, financial hardships, and stress beyond what most can comprehend—to make it a reality.

That is what it takes to become a physician.

So when you see someone with an M.D. or D.O. behind their name, know that they have been fire-tested. No one survives that path unless they truly want it. Why else would we endure it?

Throughout my journey, I was always waiting for the next level. In medical school, I could not wait to graduate and become a resident. During residency—those grueling years of being on call, staying in the hospital for 30-hour shifts every three days—I told myself that once I become an attending, it will be better.

I missed weddings, funerals, baby showers, birthdays, family reunions—everything—because I was always working. But I kept believing that it would all be worth it once I made it to the finish line.

Then I became an attending.

And that is when the nightmare began.

The relief I had imagined never came. The utopian vision I had of finally “making it” never materialized. Instead, I entered a system that felt designed to exploit my passion and dedication.

In private practice, I chased bonuses that never came, always just out of reach as the benchmarks changed at the last moment. Then I moved to the emergency room, hoping for something different. Instead, I found myself drowning in an endless sea of patients, with no relief in sight.

As our health care system deteriorates and access to primary care dwindles, the ER is bearing the brunt of the collapse. Older doctors reminisce about the “good old days,” when only true emergencies came through the doors—when there were slow moments, even empty shifts. But today, the ER is an overcrowded, chaotic battlefield. I wish I had worked in their era. Maybe I would have lasted longer.

Now, I am burned out. And I cannot keep going like this.

This dream—the thing that once filled me with wonder—has turned into a nightmare.

But I do not believe it has to be this way.

I believe we can make systemic changes to create a health care system where physicians are truly able to practice medicine, rather than simply survive it. I want to live in a world where doctors have more control over their profession, where they can thrive instead of just endure. I want a world where physician suicide rates decline, where burnout is addressed, not ignored. I want a world where doctors feel safe seeking mental health treatment without fear of losing their license or hospital privileges.

And I will work tirelessly, for as long as I can, to help build that world.

Pamela Buchanan is a board-certified physician, speaker, and thought leader dedicated to transforming health care and championing mental well-being. With more than 20 years of medical experience, she is a TEDx speaker known for her powerful talk on “Emotional Flatline,” which explores the emotional toll of high-stress professions, particularly in emergency rooms during the pandemic. As the author of The Oxygen Mask Principle and Emotional Flatline, Dr. Buchanan teaches self-care as a revolutionary act for working mothers, health care professionals, and high achievers.

In addition to her work as a physician advocate and ambassador with the Lorna Breen Foundation, her work extends to coaching and consulting, focusing on helping physicians navigate burnout and preventing burnout in medical students and residents. She strives to keep more physicians practicing. Dr. Buchanan’s mission is to help people break free from burnout, prioritize self-care, and live with purpose.

Dr. Buchanan is the founder of Strong Medicine and can be contacted for coaching, workshops, and speaking engagements. She can also be reached on TikTok and Instagram.