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You drive home after a long shift and see someone standing at the roadside. It turns out to be a sign. ≈ had that happen more than once, and her first thought was that something was wrong with her. She is a physician and multidisciplinary artist. This episode is based on her article “Why seeing things doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind,” published on KevinMD. You will hear what she found when she looked into it, and how the same experience shows up for other people she talked to. She describes what she was told when she raised it with her own therapist, why the same thing can show up with grief, and how she caught herself trying to pathologize her own experience. She explains why she thinks diagnostic terms have become buzzwords, the questions she tells people to ask themselves, and when the answer is to stop researching and ask someone. Stay to the end for her case that the expert, not the internet, is who gets to say it’s normal.

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. Today, we welcome Chinelle Miller. She’s a multidisciplinary artist and physician. Today’s KevinMD article is “Why seeing things doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind.” Chinelle, welcome to the show.

Chinelle Miller: Thanks, Kevin. It’s a pleasure to be here and to be featured on KevinMD as well.

Kevin Pho: All right. So let’s start by briefly sharing your story. Then we’ll jump right into your article.

Chinelle Miller: OK, no problem. I’m a medical doctor, a physician working out of Jamaica. I’m currently practicing in oncology primarily. And as it relates to my artistic side of things, I am a writer primarily. I’m also a photographer and a painter, but I have been narrowing it down to writing mostly these days, and I’m currently working in filmmaking. I’ve written a screenplay, a cancer story, that we’re bringing to pre-production and then to production soon, next year in February, so I’m super stoked about that.

Kevin Pho: Now, how did you get interested in this dual track of medicine and all your media interests?

Chinelle Miller: Well, in med school I found that I was drawn to some other things, technology as well as art-related things. I wrote a play in the middle of med school for an event called Smoker that we normally have at the University of the West Indies, where I studied. And I realized that I didn’t have to choose one or the other, and that I was able to show up and practice well in both areas. It’s an ongoing practice.

The program at Harvard, Media and Medicine, has actually helped me so much more in being able to practice as a physician and use that knowledge and my skills as an artist to tell stories, health-related stories that matter, like the one that was featured on your platform.

Kevin Pho: All right. So your article is titled “Why seeing things doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind.” Why did you decide to share this story on KevinMD, and then talk about the article itself for those of you who get a chance to read it?

Chinelle Miller: Sure, no problem. My program director, Neal Baer, is the one who actually told me about KevinMD, so shout out to Neal.

This particular article was written because I think a lot of the time in pop culture these days, we pathologize a lot of normal things, right? With fatigue and being tired sometimes, there are what we call physiological hallucinations, things that we see that are not there. But it doesn’t mean that you’re crazy or that you have a mental illness. I really wanted to hone in and focus on the spectrum of what it is to be human, and to really emphasize that there is a plethora of experiences we can have, and we don’t have to pathologize them.

Kevin Pho: So tell us about your experience in particular.

Chinelle Miller: Working as a doctor means long hours sometimes. And sometimes when I was driving home late at night, I would for a brief moment think I saw a guy standing up, and when I did a double take, it was just a tall sign or something like that. That would happen repeatedly on the journey home, on more than one night. I was curious as to why it was happening. I thought for a brief moment, “Am I losing my mind? Is something going wrong with me?”

So in doing my own research and finding more information about that, and talking to my friends, I realized that this wasn’t a unique experience, and that others were going through a similar thing. So as I do, I write it down, and I’m able to share it so people can share in this very human experience.

Kevin Pho: Now, did you wonder whether this could be the beginnings or a symptom of a condition or a disease? Or did you talk to people about that? Did you see a physician because of this?

Chinelle Miller: Yes, to say it in short. I had a therapist at the time, and I was like, “Hey, girl, I think something’s going wrong. This is what’s happening to me.” I was sharing with her what I found in my own research, and she was like, “Maybe you’re just tired, and that’s OK, and things happen when we’re tired. Rest is super important for us to function normally as human beings.”

So I think I was definitely trying to pathologize my own self, thinking that as a doctor I need to figure out what’s going wrong and how I can fix it. And in that personal journey, I realized, OK, maybe you could calm down a little bit.

I find even in pop culture these days there is a lot of pathologizing of things like ADHD, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder. A lot of the time they’re buzzwords that are thrown around, and these things have very specific criteria to have a diagnosis. So with that happening in pop culture, I think it’s very important for us to not just grab onto a buzzword, but to understand what it really means, and to understand that there’s some leverage in being human, that you might have some tenets or characteristics of a thing, but that doesn’t mean that you have the thing.

Kevin Pho: Now, how did you know? How do you make that distinction, whether this is something pathological versus not?

Chinelle Miller: Well, that’s where the medical professionals come in, right? I think it’s very important to not just read an article or take a quiz online. If you have a concern, just trust that there are medical professionals who are specialists in these areas that you can seek help from and bounce your ideas off. That’s why they’re there, to provide guidance and treatment if necessary.

Kevin Pho: Now, through your own research, there’s actually a term for what you’re describing, correct? So tell us what that term is and how it’s defined.

Chinelle Miller: All right, so it refers to physiological hallucinations. Basically what that means is that there are normal processes that happen in our body. And to define the last part of the word, a hallucination is when you are seeing or perceiving a stimulus in the absence of that thing being there. Sometimes that happens normally, in a context like you being very tired, which is what I focus on in the article. So physiological hallucinations are something that can happen.

And even in grief, that’s one area where it can show up as well, and that doesn’t mean that something is medically off or wrong. There’s room and space for us to have diverse experiences as human beings without us being labeled with a diagnosis.

Kevin Pho: Now, how often do you have these physiologic hallucinations?

Chinelle Miller: I’m trying my best to rest more these days, so not as often as before. I realize that in order for me to be here for a long time, I definitely have to rest more and incorporate that into my regular routine, and not wait until I’m burned out or super tired to rest. So not as much these days, fortunately.

Kevin Pho: And when they do happen, how disruptive are they?

Chinelle Miller: Not super disruptive. I think it’s because I understand what’s happening, and I’m usually driving home. I’m just like, “OK, I’m just 10 minutes away. I could just focus on the road. I don’t have to look to my peripheral vision.” Because I understand what’s happening, they’re not super disruptive. I just remind myself, “OK, my brain’s making this up right now. This isn’t real. I’m going to go home and get some sleep.” So not super disruptive at all.

Experiencing this has helped me to engage with other people who have had diverse human experiences too, so that we can all share this human experience together.

Kevin Pho: Now, what are some of the things that you have hallucinations of? Are they typically people, and if so, is it anyone that you know? Describe some of the hallucinations that you have.

Chinelle Miller: Sure. Yes, it’s typically people or animals. I remember this one time there was a plastic bag being blown across the street, but it looked like a cat scampering across the road. Sometimes different signs look like really tall people, or like a person. It’s never somebody I know face-wise. It’s not that detailed. I think it’s a little bit more fuzzy, and my vision isn’t great. I wear glasses and contact lenses, so oftentimes these are a little distance away, and I don’t get to appreciate detail, and it’s often while I’m moving. So never when I’m sitting. Sometimes when I’m sitting too. But it’s never super detailed up close. It’s usually across the room, across the way, across the road.

So thankfully, nobody that I know. I think I’d be terrified if I did see that. But just random people without the detail of the facial features, and sometimes animals as well.

Kevin Pho: Now, if someone is listening to us now and is having some of the hallucinations that you’re describing, tell us the types of questions they need to be asking themselves to determine whether this is something physiologic or something more.

Chinelle Miller: OK, great. So some questions would be, am I seeing the same thing over and over again? Am I also hearing voices associated with that? When does this happen? Is this happening when I’m tired? Is this happening in the morning? Is this happening throughout my day regardless of how I’m feeling? Those things could help you see if it’s related to your own state mentally, physically, or just your normal state of being. Did you experience something traumatic recently? See what’s happening around you, to see if what you’re experiencing now could be related to something else.

And if you’re having additional things like, I was going to use some medical terms, flights of ideas, if you’re having thoughts that don’t make sense, if you might be thinking of harming yourself or others, those are some red flags that might make you think, “OK, maybe this isn’t just physiological and part of the human experience, but maybe there’s something more happening.” And trust that you can ask a medical professional. Let them say, “It’s normal,” as opposed to you making that determination on your own. Trust that the experts are here to help, and we can seek out the resources where they’re available.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Chinelle Miller. She’s a multidisciplinary artist and physician. Today’s KevinMD article is “Why seeing things doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind.” Chinelle, let’s end with your take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience.

Chinelle Miller: Thank you so much for having me on here. It’s good to be back. Being a human is a plethora of experiences. Some things are strange and wonderful, and there’s much room and leverage in being human. So trust that sometimes it’s normal and it’s not anything concerning. But definitely seek help if you need to.

Kevin Pho: Chinelle, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for coming on the show.

Chinelle Miller: Thanks for having me.