Bringing a newborn home? What hospitals don’t tell new parents [PODCAST]

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Hospitals send new families home with a medically stable baby and instructions for feeding, sleeping, and car seats. What many parents do not get is guidance on newborn brain development and how babies take in the world through their senses. Cynthia Parente, an early childhood educator, spent more than 30 years running music, play, and art programs for young children and their families. This episode is based on her article “Newborn brain development starts at discharge,” published on KevinMD. You will hear how rocking, singing, eye contact, and talking support your baby’s development, and how tummy time can begin with your newborn on your chest. She explains why she wants every family, whether at a rural hospital or a major medical center, to leave with the same information, ideally through a QR code at discharge. She also urges stressed new parents to build a village, assign clear roles, trust their instincts, and make time. Press play to hear how she translates the science into guidance families can use from the first day home.

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. Today we welcome Cynthia Parente. She’s an early childhood educator and founder of Nana Approved. Today’s KevinMD article is “Newborn brain development starts at discharge.” Cynthia, welcome to the show.

Cynthia Parente: Hello. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Kevin.

Kevin Pho: All right. Let’s start by briefly sharing your story and then jumping into why you decided to write this article on KevinMD.

Cynthia Parente: OK. Thank you very much. I started my work career down on Wall Street, believe it or not, completely far away from early childhood development. I worked in New York and London as an international bond dealer. Then I had a baby, and everything changed. I pivoted, and it really didn’t even take me very long, a month or two months, to realize I didn’t have enough up my sleeve to get this child into adulthood. So I set out to learn as much as I could. I’d look at my daughter and know that she needed more from me, but I didn’t know what she needed. So I made it my business to go about learning how children actually learn and how they take in the world.

That led me to parenting classes in New York City. I did buy a franchise, and I opened up a small chain of franchises in New Hampshire. In my centers, I honestly offered the world’s premier programs in music, in play, and in art, and I did it for over thirty years. I must have worked with 10,000 families personally, your family being one of them.

What was wonderful about all of that was the pattern I kept noticing: New mommies would come in with their babies, and it was predominantly mommies. Though I do want to make an aside here and give you some kudos. I had over 10,000 families that I personally worked with, and of those 10,000 families, I maybe met seven daddies. You stood out in the crowd because, as I recall it, you juggled your work schedule to go in with your wife and daughter to the classes. So you would come, and she was so thrilled to be able to share what she was doing with the baby, and then you got hands-on with it. I don’t think you missed very many classes. So there were a couple of daddies that got involved like you did, but that was rare, and you all stood out in the crowd to me.

There was a fellow up at my Concord location, a lawyer. He came in: “Oh, what’s this all about?” “Well, come on over here.” That day I just showed him that by putting your baby on their back and just rolling, maintaining eye contact, you’re actually helping your baby cross their midline and get both sides of their brain to work together. As soon as he understood the reason behind the activities, he jumped in and wanted to be a part of it. And so many daddies, actually, I have to correct myself, because in my weekend classes and my evening classes, the mommies got bumped out. The daddies wanted in. So that was a good thing to see.

The ’08 recession hurt us, and I hung in for another couple of years, but by 2010 I simply couldn’t support my business anymore privately. So I shut my doors. It was after that that I read the Hamilton Project from the Brookings Institution, and it showed me what a paltry amount of our GDP we put toward early childhood development. Then it went on to show me how our children rank academically on a national scale. Well, I got angry. So it spurred me to write my book.

The way I treated my book was the way I understand child development. I’m a huge fan of Piaget, and children take in the world, especially in the first few years, through their senses. I’ve come to understand that development begins at conception. Birth is an event in that development, but the baby’s development has been going on since conception, and it’s all brand new to the mommy and the daddy. Now it’s your turn to go ahead and get involved. The baby’s been doing all this on their own, but they go home, and the parents don’t have any guidance. They’re all sent home medically stable, but they really do not have any idea what’s going on with their babies or what they can do with their babies. This is a pattern I saw over thirty years.

My daughter is in her forties, and she just had another baby. I have to tell you, we did put in the article how Connecticut was sending families home with alert bracelets. My daughter didn’t come home with an alert bracelet. So it just goes to show that some of the best-laid plans just don’t actually come to fruition.

What I created, may I go on into that? It spurred me to continue to create, and I’ve created what I call the DCM, the developmental continuity model. In my heart, continuity belongs in the family. I know that when your wife would come home from taking my classes, she probably would talk to you and share what was going on with enthusiasm, because I remember your daughter. You never took a break; you didn’t take summers off. You just stayed with the program. You let her grow in there. When people would come back in September, your daughter hadn’t taken the summer off. Your daughter was like, “Hey, let me show you what I’m doing now,” full of confidence. And oh my goodness, you should see three- and four-year-olds when they know that they are a can-do person. It takes over.

And I think what happened is that so many mommies and teachers would come to my program, especially early childhood education teachers. Children would go to their preschool programs, and if they had come through my program, then they knew to sit in a circle, they knew to take turns, and they knew to share. They did it all lovingly, they did it all willingly, and nobody had to tell them how to do it. So teachers began coming, saying, “So what’s going on here?” And yes, if you just have a little understanding, a little guidance on what’s going on with your child developmentally, then it actually prepares you so that you can be ready to willingly and knowingly participate in what’s about to come. You stay one step ahead of your child. So I created this DCM.

Kevin Pho: I definitely have fond memories of those classes. And I think what you’re saying resonates with a lot of new parents, because whenever they bring their newborn home, they don’t have a manual, right? They don’t have an idea of what exactly to do. I remember my wife and I were just looking at each other with our newborn at home, just wondering what’s next. What do we expect next, right?

Cynthia Parente: That’s where I come in.

Kevin Pho: Tell us the key points. Obviously, without giving away everything in your book, tell us some of the key points that new parents should watch out for and should learn when they first bring home that newborn, like you said, on discharge. What are some things that they need to know?

Cynthia Parente: I think a new parent mostly needs to know that what they’re doing is right: that they’re touching their baby, they’re singing with their baby, they’re rocking their baby. And of course, they’re sent home with all the instructions for stuff. I don’t touch on feeding, sleeping, or car seats. That’s not my world. My world is trying to show the parents, and in my book, I tell them how. For example, when I’m starting on tummy time, I’m starting with a newborn on your chest as you lie back, back, and farther back, and I’m explaining how that’s affecting your child’s balance system.

So yes, rocking their babies, singing with their babies, and definitely making eye contact and talking. I knew a mother in Nashua way back in the ’90s. Her baby was about seven months old, and she looked at the crowd of women in the room and said, “Do you all talk with your baby?” Everybody was like, “Yeah.” And she said, “Oh, my husband asked me that last night. No, I don’t ever talk to him.” Like, “OK, well, let’s start today.” People just don’t know, and it’s simple things.

I think that’s the key thing. We’re not making up new science. We’re just saying, “Oh, OK, your baby’s crossing the midline. Do you know what that means?” And I explain what it means. So when the baby does it on their own, and there’s certainly debate about whether crossing the midline does anything, when the baby reaches across, a light bulb goes off in your mind: “Oh, they said this was coming. Now I see it.” And then I give you instructions on how to encourage that. It’s very similar to the classes that you all attended, because that really is how children learn.

Kevin Pho: When the mother is still in the hospital and they’re just about to be discharged, do you ask anything specific of the hospital during that transition? In your ideal world, what would you like to see the hospital birthing center do?

Cynthia Parente: Thank you. I’ve tried to keep this as simple as I possibly could. I’ve created QR codes, so the hospital can have the family scan it: the mommy, the daddy, the grandparents, whoever is going to be caregiving this child. They can scan the QR code right there in the hospital, and they’ve got it. They can choose English or Spanish, because it comes both ways. So where I hope to finally take this is that sometime during the discharge process, the nurse or somebody will be able to go to that new family and say, “This is a gift we give to every new family.”

And then I think about that, and I think of companies that have larger hospital systems, some of them rural, some of them world-class. I have a particular one in mind, but I don’t think it’s right that I should mention names. They don’t even know me. But I’ve looked at them, and they have some world-class hospitals and they have some rural hospitals. Wouldn’t it be incredible for them to be able to say, “We give this to all of our new families”? Because why should a rural family not get the exact same gold that a family at a major medical complex is getting? And that’s it. It’s just leveling the playing field.

But then I think bigger, Kevin. Then I think about all the families in a community that have this knowledge, and how powerful families really are in their communities in helping to determine how the community respects them, their children, and the schooling. So I think this is just the first step of parenting. I think it gives you a chance to trust your child.

Trust is huge. That has to come. First, they have to trust that someone’s going to answer them when they cry. Then they have to trust that they know their environment, and they have to trust themselves. And so we take them that way.

Kevin Pho: So obviously you’ve been involved in this space for decades now. How have parents changed over the years? What are parents like today compared to when I was a parent taking classes with you all those years ago? What’s changed?

Cynthia Parente: Actually, the mommyhood and daddyhood part of it is ancient. Not much has changed in the deepest parts of our brain. We’re programmed to love our children, and they’re programmed to love us back. That hasn’t changed. And what I’m talking about is universal. It doesn’t get affected by whatever culture you’re raising your child in. For example, here in the States, we’re so independent, right? If your baby’s not sleeping in a crib down the hall at six months, everybody’s looking at you like, “What’s the problem?” And there are a lot of cultures where that just isn’t the case. But what I talk about, the baby’s development, that’s universal. Nothing has changed there, and nothing ever will, as long as we humans stay the same. It’s universal. It’s forever.

And you know what? This gap was there when I was a mommy forty years ago. It was a gap that was there when you became a daddy. Whenever I mention it to somebody, everybody’s like, “Isn’t this already being done? Man, I wish this was around when I was new.” And it doesn’t matter who I show it to: doctors, lawyers, waitresses, anybody. They’re all like, “Oh man, I wish I had this.” So this is sort of like the manual that everybody wishes they had, and I’m hoping that it gets embraced.

Kevin Pho: What kind of advice do you have for new families today? Because bringing home a newborn for the first time is very, very stressful. And of course, with the economy the way that it is, they have a lot of other stresses, socially and job-wise, that also accentuate everything else that’s going on. So for those new families who may be struggling and bringing home a newborn, do you have any advice for them on how to manage everything?

Cynthia Parente: I would say get a village. Get people to help you. Be clear about what you need. Assign people roles. I’m on this topic only because we just finished summer: If you’re at a pool party with your baby, or you’re at the beach and you want to take a dip, don’t just assume everybody’s going to watch your baby. Assign the role: “Keep an eye on her.” And just follow your natural instincts. In your heart, in your ancient brain, you know how to protect and love this child.

I think respect. I think families today are under incredible financial pressure, but I also think that we’re coming into an economy where people have an opportunity, like what I’m doing, to come forward with their idea into the marketplace, take a whirl, and trust yourself. Everybody has something that they wish they had tried, and this new beginning in your life might be that time.

And don’t rush things. Be patient. Be calm. Do what you can. Your goal is to raise a self-sufficient individual who is trusting of themselves and believes that they’re capable, and everybody can do that. This doesn’t cost money. This costs time. A doctor asked me a long time ago, when I was at a visit with my daughter, “How are you guys so close?” It’s because you make time. And I think that’s probably what you do with your family, too. I know you did it way back when.

So I think that would be my advice. Trust your instincts. Look deeper than “Oh my god, I’ve got to get back to work.” Maybe there’s something there for you. That would be my advice, and to get your village together. Get your people around you.

I knew a woman whose baby was two weeks old, and she and her husband were off to Cabo. They had both sets of in-laws in the same town, and the baby was sent out to sleep at the in-laws’ once a week since week one. That freed them up right quick, in a hurry. If you have that kind of a support network, use it, and get friends, people to talk to.

Now, I work a little bit with the United Way of Greater Nashua, and I understand right now they’re looking to expand their maternity and early childhood work. I hear that they might be looking for spaces where they could bring it out into the community. My hope is that it’s going to be mommies who have read my work or participated in the DCM and absorbed it who stand up and say, “I want to do this and teach them.” I just want this out there, because it’s not right that it stays in ivory towers.

And it’s not right. Every visit at the pediatrician is supposed to include anticipatory guidance. When do they have time for that? I know a pediatrician who just went into private practice, sort of concierge, because she wants more time to be able to do this. I believe that’s probably a trend that’s happening.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Cynthia Parente, early childhood educator and founder of Nana Approved. Today’s KevinMD article is “Newborn brain development starts at discharge.” Cynthia, as always, let’s end with your take-home messages for the KevinMD audience.

Cynthia Parente: Please take a look into this. This is not to replace anything that you do. It’s done with complete respect for all that you have given us, all the science that you have given us. I’ve translated it so that your families can understand you. If you need me, if you’d like any more information, contact me at [email protected].

Kevin Pho: Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and insight. Thanks again for coming on the show.

Cynthia Parente: Thank you for having me.

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