The Cheerful Oncologist on the art of signing out. “That, dear reader, is where we are wrong, for a signout session is full of high drama and intrigue. It’s just that the casual listener is unable to decipher the abstruse jargon and sarcastic innuendo that goes on during the verbal jousting between the departing doctor and his traditionally unhappy replacement. Picture this scene taking place in some pizza-box laden corner of a nurses’ lounge. On our left we see a giddy sleep-deprived resident who can hardly wait to read the last name written on his grimy piece of paper so he can then jump into a battered 1988 Camry and make a beeline for the upper bunk. Over on our right we find a beleaguered soul staring blankly into space as he writes. This person, obviously the on-call doctor, is easy to identify by his unwrinkled shirt and his poorly disguised look of agony, often seen in paratroopers who forget to attach their chute to the static line. What controversy could possibly exist in such a mundane activity?”