Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

How to talk to your children about tragedy

Sarah Mallard Wakefield, MD
Conditions
July 10, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

I’m looking at a pile of little boy clothes outside my back door this morning. It often looks like this if we forget to clean up. My kids shed their clothes almost as soon as they are home in search of water play of some sort: hose on the slide, sprinklers, water gun fights. They are supposed to put their clothes in the hamper. That obviously doesn’t always happen. This is their life for the most part; their glorious, uncomplicated life so far. They wake up and play, they go to school, they come home and play, and their biggest worries are whether they get their favorite popsicle flavor or whether brother chose “my very favorite” toy.

I know those days are limited, though. The time is dawning when they will be more aware of things going on in the outside world, and while I do not think that is necessarily a bad thing, I am concerned about the volume and intensity of the information readily available through both news and social media. This is scary for a mama of littles.

According to the FBI Hate Crimes Statistics from 2014, there were 5,462 incidents involving hate crimes in the United States, with 6,681 victims. Of those, 47 percent were racially motivated (63.5 percent by anti-black bias and 22.8 percent by anti-white bias), 18.6 percent were motivated by sexual-orientation bias, 18.6 percent by religious bias, and 11.9 percent by ethnicity bias. What’s most interesting to me is that if you follow the data back to 2005, reported hate crimes have actually been decreasing in number (in 2005, there were 7,163 reported) despite more agencies reporting (12,417 reporting in 2005 and 15,494 reporting in 2014).

Why is this important? Well, because if you watch the news, you would think that crimes such as these are drastically increased when they are not. Recently, I was asked by a local news station to comment on how to talk with children about terrible crimes like the mass shooting in Orlando. I’m a child psychiatrist, so I get asked questions like this all of the time. My answer is always the same.

  1. If they haven’t heard about it, judge how likely it is that they will hear about it and how prepared you think they need to be before you bring it up at all. How will this help them with today/tomorrow?
  2. If you judge that they need to be told, then bring it up casually and simply. Ask a simple question like, “Have you heard about … ?” If your child brings it up, be open and honest but don’t overdo it.
  3. Follow your child’s lead and only answer the questions asked. Some children need lots of information to feel safe and secure; some will only become more anxious with additional information.
  4. Be reassuring. It is unlikely that something like what they are watching on the news will happen to them.
  5. Be honest. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. If you don’t understand, it’s okay to say that. And while it’s good to be reassuring, don’t be over-reassuring. Don’t predict a perfect future that you cannot guarantee. Terrible things will happen again, and your child needs to know that you can be trusted, to be honest with them.

Our goal as parents is creating open communication our children can trust. You want them to come to you first about the hard topics: sex, drugs, death, fear, terror.  We want our children to be appropriately prepared and help them process information. If you would like to gain or promote a lesson from tragedies, the first is always this: look for the helpers. Mr. Roger’s taught us best in this regard. Look for the vigils, the massive peaceful walks, the blood donation lines. The second is this: We are all more alike than different, and our differences are beautiful and something to be celebrated, not feared.

Dangers exist, but we don’t want to act like there are absolute dangers around every corner. Most crime statistics have decreased drastically since we were kids, but many people feel that they live in a much more dangerous place.

Which leads me to my number one recommendation of all time: Turn off the news! Go outside. Let the kids shed their clothes and run in the sprinklers. In fact, turn all the sprinklers on, and watch the rainbows multiply.

Sarah Mallard Wakefield is a child psychiatrist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Essential tips to choosing your next pediatrician

July 10, 2016 Kevin 0
…
Next

What a medical student learned during his psychiatry rotation

July 10, 2016 Kevin 3
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Essential tips to choosing your next pediatrician
Next Post >
What a medical student learned during his psychiatry rotation

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • When celebrities attack children with food allergies

    Lianne Mandelbaum, PT
  • Let’s talk residency: COVID edition

    Angela Awad and Catherine Tawfik
  • Bullying immigrant children in the name of politics

    Linda Girgis, MD
  • A disturbing study about children and guns

    Christopher Johnson, MD
  • Separating children at the border is a danger to their health

    Oscar J. Benavidez, MD
  • A physician joins TikTok to talk sex education

    Jennifer Lincoln, MD

More in Conditions

  • Understanding depression beyond biology: the power of therapy and meaning

    Maire Daugharty, MD
  • Why medicine must stop worshipping burnout and start valuing humanity

    Sarah White, APRN
  • Why perinatal mental health is the top cause of maternal death in the U.S.

    Sheila Noon
  • A world without vaccines: What history teaches us about public health

    Drew Remignanti, MD, MPH
  • Unraveling the mystery behind one of the most dangerous pregnancy complications: preeclampsia

    Thomas McElrath, MD, PhD and Kara Rood, MD
  • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

    Noah Weinberg
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • A physician’s reflection on love, loss, and finding meaning in grief [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • A physician’s reflection on love, loss, and finding meaning in grief [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How fragmented records and poor tracking degrade patient outcomes

      Michael R. McGuire | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How I learned to stop worrying and love AI

      Rajeev Dutta | Education
    • Understanding depression beyond biology: the power of therapy and meaning

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
    • Why compassion—not credentials—defines great doctors

      Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • How community paramedicine impacts Indigenous elders

      Noah Weinberg | Conditions
    • A physician’s reflection on love, loss, and finding meaning in grief [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • How medical culture hides burnout in plain sight

      Marco Benítez | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • A physician’s reflection on love, loss, and finding meaning in grief [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How fragmented records and poor tracking degrade patient outcomes

      Michael R. McGuire | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • How I learned to stop worrying and love AI

      Rajeev Dutta | Education
    • Understanding depression beyond biology: the power of therapy and meaning

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
    • Why compassion—not credentials—defines great doctors

      Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...