Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Domestic abuse can affect anyone, even physicians

Cory Michael, MD
Physician
September 15, 2018
Share
Tweet
Share

A good friend of mine, B., once told me a few years ago that before her divorce, her husband was verbally and occasionally even physically abusive toward her. Somewhat shocked by this news, I expressed how glad I was that she had gotten out of that situation.

I did not think that B. would be a typical victim of domestic abuse. Coming from an affluent background, we met as co-workers in a laboratory after college. B. always came across to me as strong-minded, goal-oriented, and intelligent. It was her who convinced me to pursue medical school so many years back when I was considering declining the admissions offer I had received. When I graduated from medical school, she was my only guest at the commencement ceremony. She insisted on coming. The daughter and granddaughter of physicians, she had ambitions of becoming a doctor as well. I was so proud of her when she told me that she got in.

Domestic abuse can, unfortunately, become a recurrent theme to an individual. Its victims appear to learn that abuse is the normal way relationships are formed, and indeed, it is common for people to be attracted to those exhibiting abusive behavior. It is an unexplainable magnet to those who have never been victims of abuse.

My friend was no different. During subsequent relationships, her reports to me were that all was well, and nothing was out of the ordinary. Only after the break-ups did it become clear that some abusive themes had re-emerged over and over. It wasn’t necessarily physical abuse, but it became obvious that her self-esteem was being attacked repeatedly. From unfounded jealous accusations to degrading comments regarding her appearance, she was not treated the way she deserved to be treated. Despite this, she stayed with these abusers and even longed for their affections after they dissolved the relationships.

In speaking to the abused, it is not uncommon for the abuse to be downplayed. It is not likely that I will ever know how B. was really treated. Fear of retaliation, concern over spousal income support, and personal guilt are all reasons why the abused don’t speak out. As the example here clearly demonstrates, even the most successful and intelligent people can be victimized. Even physicians are not immune to this epidemic.

B. not only excelled in medical school; she took to it like no other medical student I have ever encountered. It was not uncommon for her to call me and ask me to quiz her over and over in preparation for her exams when I was a resident. She graduated at the top of her class and matched to her top choice highly competitive residency program which she graduated from this year.

She recently relayed something to me that is even more impressive than these accomplishments. She called me and told me that she had gotten married again, over ten years after her divorce. I didn’t even know she was dating someone. “I learned that those other relationships were not normal, and after several months with this new person, there was no reason to put it off any longer,” she told me. “He respects me, isn’t jealous, and made me look back on what was wrong with the other relationships.” That’s my remarkable friend.

It is important to emphasize that not every story has an ending like B.’s. Countless victims remain in the shadows, afraid or ashamed to tell their stories, many of whom are ignorant to the fact that their relationships are not normal. If you know someone who is struggling with abuse or you yourself are, please seek out resources or talk to someone including your personal physician. You are not alone.

Cory Michael is a radiologist.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

MKSAP: 52-year-old man with severe obstructive sleep apnea

September 15, 2018 Kevin 0
…
Next

12 tips to help you survive residency

September 15, 2018 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

Post navigation

< Previous Post
MKSAP: 52-year-old man with severe obstructive sleep apnea
Next Post >
12 tips to help you survive residency

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Cory Michael, MD

  • Inequity contributes to burnout among new academic physicians

    Cory Michael, MD
  • Missouri and Texas: a tale of 2 COVID cultures

    Cory Michael, MD
  • The coronavirus vaccine is not a political or social issue

    Cory Michael, MD

Related Posts

  • Are patients using social media to attack physicians?

    David R. Stukus, MD
  • The risk physicians take when going on social media

    Anonymous
  • Beware of pseudoscience: The desperate need for physicians on social media

    Valerie A. Jones, MD
  • When physicians are cyberbullied: an interview with ZDoggMD

    Monique Tello, MD
  • Surprising and unlikely rewards of social media engagement by physicians

    Lisa Chan, MD
  • Physicians who don’t play the social media game may be left behind

    Xrayvsn, MD

More in Physician

  • How to handle chronically late patients in your medical practice

    Neil Baum, MD
  • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

    Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD
  • Why medicine must evolve to support modern physicians

    Ryan Nadelson, MD
  • Why listening to parents’ intuition can save lives in pediatric care

    Tokunbo Akande, MD, MPH
  • Finding balance and meaning in medical practice: a holistic approach to professional fulfillment

    Dr. Saad S. Alshohaib
  • How regulatory overreach is destroying innovation in U.S. health care

    Kayvan Haddadan, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Why point-of-care ultrasound belongs in every emergency department triage [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why PSA levels alone shouldn’t define your prostate cancer risk

      Martina Ambardjieva, MD, PhD | Conditions
    • How to handle chronically late patients in your medical practice

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Reframing chronic pain and dignity: What a pain clinic teaches us about MAiD and chronic suffering

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
    • Why medicine must evolve to support modern physicians

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why timing, not surgery, determines patient survival

      Michael Karch, MD | Conditions
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
  • Past 6 Months

    • Forced voicemail and diagnosis codes are endangering patient access to medications

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Meds
    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • The One Big Beautiful Bill and the fragile heart of rural health care

      Holland Haynie, MD | Policy
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • Why point-of-care ultrasound belongs in every emergency department triage [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Why PSA levels alone shouldn’t define your prostate cancer risk

      Martina Ambardjieva, MD, PhD | Conditions
    • How to handle chronically late patients in your medical practice

      Neil Baum, MD | Physician
    • Reframing chronic pain and dignity: What a pain clinic teaches us about MAiD and chronic suffering

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Conditions
    • How early meetings and after-hours events penalize physician-mothers

      Samira Jeimy, MD, PhD and Menaka Pai, MD | Physician
    • Why medicine must evolve to support modern physicians

      Ryan Nadelson, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...