Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Medicine was consuming this medical student. Was it worth it?

Sarah B. El Iskandarani
Education
May 18, 2019
Share
Tweet
Share

For as long as I remember, studying medicine has always been the goal I focused on the most. For years, I thought that I knew the path I was taking, and that I calculated the benefits and drawbacks. However, with time, I learned that no matter how much one assesses his decisions, one cannot have a full grasp of it, until he/she “begins” to experience it.

I wasn’t aware how much studying medicine was consuming me — until the first vacation came. I noticed that although I lived with my family, it’s like I wasn’t there for the four months.

On the first night of the vacation, the whole family gathered in the living room. They had new inside jokes and discussed a new advertisement on television, both of which I had no clue. I felt so detached because I couldn’t relate to what they were saying. When I tried to engage in the conversations, I noticed that I had nothing to say. If I did engage, whatever I said had a medical flavor. I felt terrible when I realized the type of person I have become, anti-social indeed. I was disappointed when I realized I had no new activities or ideas to share, which is not the person I used to be. Now, I feel like a programmed machine that only engulfs information. When I hugged my grandmother, I noticed how much I truly missed her. When she told me, it’s been a month and a half since I’ve last seen her, I felt horrible that I didn’t realize that it’s been that long; I’ve actually lost track of time. Feeling guilty, I hugged her even tighter.

This all got me thinking: Is studying medicine truly worth this detachment? Should it really consume me the way it did? If only just three months could change me this much, how can I predict the person I will be in a few years? I really couldn’t find answers to these questions, and the uncertainty frightened me. My thoughts led me to an even more frightening question: Was it the right choice to study medicine in the first place?

For one thing, despite all this, I still wouldn’t see myself studying anything else. The sense of satisfaction overwhelms me when I think that someday, I could be helping others and saving lives. However, now I understand that this satisfaction will require that I pay a big price; one cannot give life to others unless he loses a part of his own.

Feeling pessimistic, I decided to call one of my physician friends. I discussed with her my concern. She understood me and advised me not to be so hard on myself.

“It’s all new to you and what you are facing is normal. You need time to learn to manage and balance your life properly, but it is all in your hands. You have to try”, she said.

“You just have to try.” That sentence kept on echoing in my head. As I reassessed my actions in the past three months, I realized that because I was living with my parents, I, unfortunately, took their proximity for granted. I didn’t really try to have quality time with them. That, I believe, is the root of my problem.

I concluded that things need to change. The second module is coming up, and it’s my chance to improve. I promised myself that I will try my best to develop my time management skills in order to allocate time for my family. My physical presence meant nothing if I didn’t share with them their daily lives. Being focused on career goals is important but should be done in balance with other aspects of life.

Sarah B. El Iskandarani is a medical student.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Mild memory loss: Is it Alzheimer's disease?

May 18, 2019 Kevin 1
…
Next

Private equity in gastroenterology: Is it the future?

May 18, 2019 Kevin 5
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Mild memory loss: Is it Alzheimer's disease?
Next Post >
Private equity in gastroenterology: Is it the future?

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Sarah B. El Iskandarani

  • A medical student’s reflection on burnout

    Sarah B. El Iskandarani

Related Posts

  • Why this medical student chose to pursue medicine

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • What inspires this medical student

    Jamie Katuna
  • Medical student rotations amid COVID: Welcome to medicine little grasshopper

    Heather Delaney, MD
  • Why this medical student tutors

    Michelle Ikoma
  • Patients are an integral part of medical student education

    Orly Farber
  • A medical student finds a reason to dance

    Nikita Mittal

More in Education

  • How Filipino cultural values shape silence around mental health

    Victor Fu and Charmaigne Lopez
  • Why leadership training in medicine needs to start with self-awareness

    Amelie Oshikoya, MD, MHA
  • Learning medicine in the age of AI: Why future doctors need digital fluency

    Kelly D. França
  • Why health care must adopt a harm reduction model

    Dylan Angle
  • Gen Z’s DIY approach to health care

    Amanda Heidemann, MD
  • What street medicine taught me about healing

    Alina Kang
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • How hospitals can prepare for CMS’s new patient safety rule

      Kim Adelman, PhD | Conditions
    • Why palliative care is more than just end-of-life support

      Dr. Vishal Parackal | Conditions
    • When life makes you depend on Depends

      Francisco M. Torres, MD | Physician
    • Guilty until proven innocent? My experience with a state medical board.

      Jeffrey Hatef, Jr., MD | Physician
    • Why medical notes have become billing scripts instead of patient stories

      Sriman Swarup, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The dying man who gave me flowers changed how I see care

      Augusta Uwah, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • The dying man who gave me flowers changed how I see care

      Augusta Uwah, MD | Physician
    • Universities must tap endowments to sustain biomedical research

      Adeel Khan, MD | Conditions
    • Exploring the science behind burnout [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Apprenticeship reshapes medical training for confident clinicians

      Claude E. Lett III, PA-C | Conditions
    • How American medicine profits from despair

      Jenny Shields, PhD | Policy
    • How market forces fracture millennial physicians’ careers

      Shannon Meron, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • How hospitals can prepare for CMS’s new patient safety rule

      Kim Adelman, PhD | Conditions
    • Why palliative care is more than just end-of-life support

      Dr. Vishal Parackal | Conditions
    • When life makes you depend on Depends

      Francisco M. Torres, MD | Physician
    • Guilty until proven innocent? My experience with a state medical board.

      Jeffrey Hatef, Jr., MD | Physician
    • Why medical notes have become billing scripts instead of patient stories

      Sriman Swarup, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The dying man who gave me flowers changed how I see care

      Augusta Uwah, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why transgender health care needs urgent reform and inclusive practices

      Angela Rodriguez, MD | Conditions
    • COVID-19 was real: a doctor’s frontline account

      Randall S. Fong, MD | Conditions
    • Why primary care doctors are drowning in debt despite saving lives

      John Wei, MD | Physician
    • New student loan caps could shut low-income students out of medicine

      Tom Phan, MD | Physician
    • Confessions of a lipidologist in recovery: the infection we’ve ignored for 40 years

      Larry Kaskel, MD | Conditions
    • mRNA post vaccination syndrome: Is it real?

      Harry Oken, MD | Conditions
  • Recent Posts

    • The dying man who gave me flowers changed how I see care

      Augusta Uwah, MD | Physician
    • Universities must tap endowments to sustain biomedical research

      Adeel Khan, MD | Conditions
    • Exploring the science behind burnout [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Apprenticeship reshapes medical training for confident clinicians

      Claude E. Lett III, PA-C | Conditions
    • How American medicine profits from despair

      Jenny Shields, PhD | Policy
    • How market forces fracture millennial physicians’ careers

      Shannon Meron, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...