Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Medicine was consuming this medical student. Was it worth it?

Sarah B. El Iskandarani
Education
May 18, 2019
Share
Tweet
Share

For as long as I remember, studying medicine has always been the goal I focused on the most. For years, I thought that I knew the path I was taking, and that I calculated the benefits and drawbacks. However, with time, I learned that no matter how much one assesses his decisions, one cannot have a full grasp of it, until he/she “begins” to experience it.

I wasn’t aware how much studying medicine was consuming me — until the first vacation came. I noticed that although I lived with my family, it’s like I wasn’t there for the four months.

On the first night of the vacation, the whole family gathered in the living room. They had new inside jokes and discussed a new advertisement on television, both of which I had no clue. I felt so detached because I couldn’t relate to what they were saying. When I tried to engage in the conversations, I noticed that I had nothing to say. If I did engage, whatever I said had a medical flavor. I felt terrible when I realized the type of person I have become, anti-social indeed. I was disappointed when I realized I had no new activities or ideas to share, which is not the person I used to be. Now, I feel like a programmed machine that only engulfs information. When I hugged my grandmother, I noticed how much I truly missed her. When she told me, it’s been a month and a half since I’ve last seen her, I felt horrible that I didn’t realize that it’s been that long; I’ve actually lost track of time. Feeling guilty, I hugged her even tighter.

This all got me thinking: Is studying medicine truly worth this detachment? Should it really consume me the way it did? If only just three months could change me this much, how can I predict the person I will be in a few years? I really couldn’t find answers to these questions, and the uncertainty frightened me. My thoughts led me to an even more frightening question: Was it the right choice to study medicine in the first place?

For one thing, despite all this, I still wouldn’t see myself studying anything else. The sense of satisfaction overwhelms me when I think that someday, I could be helping others and saving lives. However, now I understand that this satisfaction will require that I pay a big price; one cannot give life to others unless he loses a part of his own.

Feeling pessimistic, I decided to call one of my physician friends. I discussed with her my concern. She understood me and advised me not to be so hard on myself.

“It’s all new to you and what you are facing is normal. You need time to learn to manage and balance your life properly, but it is all in your hands. You have to try”, she said.

“You just have to try.” That sentence kept on echoing in my head. As I reassessed my actions in the past three months, I realized that because I was living with my parents, I, unfortunately, took their proximity for granted. I didn’t really try to have quality time with them. That, I believe, is the root of my problem.

I concluded that things need to change. The second module is coming up, and it’s my chance to improve. I promised myself that I will try my best to develop my time management skills in order to allocate time for my family. My physical presence meant nothing if I didn’t share with them their daily lives. Being focused on career goals is important but should be done in balance with other aspects of life.

Sarah B. El Iskandarani is a medical student.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Mild memory loss: Is it Alzheimer's disease?

May 18, 2019 Kevin 1
…
Next

Private equity in gastroenterology: Is it the future?

May 18, 2019 Kevin 5
…

Tagged as: Medical school

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Mild memory loss: Is it Alzheimer's disease?
Next Post >
Private equity in gastroenterology: Is it the future?

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Sarah B. El Iskandarani

  • A medical student’s reflection on burnout

    Sarah B. El Iskandarani

Related Posts

  • Why this medical student chose to pursue medicine

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • What inspires this medical student

    Jamie Katuna
  • Medical student rotations amid COVID: Welcome to medicine little grasshopper

    Heather Delaney, MD
  • Why this medical student tutors

    Michelle Ikoma
  • Patients are an integral part of medical student education

    Orly Farber
  • A medical student finds a reason to dance

    Nikita Mittal

More in Education

  • Why medical schools must ditch lectures and embrace active learning

    Arlen Meyers, MD, MBA
  • Why helping people means more than getting an MD

    Vaishali Jha
  • Residency match tips: Building mentorship, research, and community

    Simran Kaur, MD and Eva Shelton, MD
  • How I learned to stop worrying and love AI

    Rajeev Dutta
  • Why medical student debt is killing primary care in America

    Alexander Camp
  • Why the pre-med path is pushing future doctors to the brink

    Jordan Williamson, MEd
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Decoding your medical bill: What those charges really mean

      Cheryl Spang | Finance
    • The emotional first responders of aesthetic medicine

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why testosterone matters more than you think in women’s health

      Andrea Caamano, MD | Conditions
    • A mind to guide the machine: Why physicians must help shape artificial intelligence in medicine

      Shanice Spence-Miller, MD | Tech
    • How subjective likability practices undermine Canada’s health workforce recruitment and retention

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • How New Mexico became a malpractice lawsuit hotspot

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
    • Why doctors are reclaiming control from burnout culture

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • Why health care leaders fail at execution—and how to fix it

      Dave Cummings, RN | Policy
    • How digital tools are reshaping the doctor-patient relationship

      Vineet Vishwanath | Tech
    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why are medical students turning away from primary care? [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • Why “do no harm” might be harming modern medicine

      Sabooh S. Mubbashar, MD | Physician
    • Here’s what providers really need in a modern EHR

      Laura Kohlhagen, MD, MBA | Tech
    • The hidden health risks in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act

      Trevor Lyford, MPH | Policy
    • Why Medicaid cuts should alarm every doctor

      Ilan Shapiro, MD | Policy
  • Recent Posts

    • How President Biden’s cognitive health shapes political and legal trust

      Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD | Conditions
    • Decoding your medical bill: What those charges really mean

      Cheryl Spang | Finance
    • The emotional first responders of aesthetic medicine

      Sarah White, APRN | Conditions
    • Why testosterone matters more than you think in women’s health

      Andrea Caamano, MD | Conditions
    • A mind to guide the machine: Why physicians must help shape artificial intelligence in medicine

      Shanice Spence-Miller, MD | Tech
    • How subjective likability practices undermine Canada’s health workforce recruitment and retention

      Olumuyiwa Bamgbade, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...