Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
KevinMD
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking
KevinMD
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking
  • About KevinMD | Kevin Pho, MD
  • Be heard on social media’s leading physician voice
  • Contact Kevin
  • Discounted enhanced author page
  • DMCA Policy
  • Establishing, Managing, and Protecting Your Online Reputation: A Social Media Guide for Physicians and Medical Practices
  • Group vs. individual disability insurance for doctors: pros and cons
  • KevinMD influencer opportunities
  • Opinion and commentary by KevinMD
  • Physician burnout speakers to keynote your conference
  • Physician Coaching by KevinMD
  • Physician keynote speaker: Kevin Pho, MD
  • Physician Speaking by KevinMD: a boutique speakers bureau
  • Primary care physician in Nashua, NH | Doctor accepting new patients
  • Privacy Policy
  • Recommended services by KevinMD
  • Terms of Use Agreement
  • Thank you for subscribing to KevinMD
  • Thank you for upgrading to the KevinMD enhanced author page
  • The biggest mistake doctors make when purchasing disability insurance
  • The doctor’s guide to disability insurance: short-term vs. long-term
  • The KevinMD ToolKit
  • Upgrade to the KevinMD enhanced author page
  • Why own-occupation disability insurance is a must for doctors

It wasn’t depression that led this physician to suicidal ideation

Uchenna Umeh, MD
Physician
November 24, 2019
Share
Tweet
Share

While researching for my next book, I noticed a peculiar trend: Most news reports about suicide linked victims to mental illness. It is nearly always depression, multiple personality disorder, or more depression.

While it is true that personal mental illness and a family history of mental illness are often bonafide risk factors for suicide, they — collectively as mental health issues — are only one of many underlying causes of suicide that I found in my research. I had been pondering that, and the fact that when I was suicidal between November 2013 and May 2014, I had never been diagnosed with mental illness before or afterward.

I was, however, readily diagnosed with severe depression by the well-meaning U.S. captain that I was assigned to at Joint Base San Antonio, Lackland.

You see, what she had missed was the fact that even though I was suicidal, it was from mental anguish rather than mental illness. In July of 2000, my friend Ngozi, a second-year surgical resident, died from a single self-inflicted bullet wound to her head. She did not suffer from mental illness either, rather she had a severe case of mental anguish stemming from a culmination of a bad relationship, a stressful surgical residency, ostracization from her Nigerian family that she lived with back then in New York and a unique medical training and practicing system that ensures you are punished severely if and when you cry for help from what I call “overwhelmness.”

That beautiful Sunday morning while her beloved family was out at church, she did the unthinkable with one single shot. I can only imagine how lonely and possibly afraid she had been that morning. How utterly helpless she must have felt. How alone, how trapped, how much pan, how much anguish.

In my case, I had discovered that I owed the IRS money, thanks to my ex-husband and former practice manager, who messed up my beloved practice and left me alone to clean up the mess; after all, the practice had solely been in my name.

It was Thanksgiving week. I still remember it clearly: The morning air was crisp, the streets were less crowded, my car radio was playing a jazzy tune from 88.3 FM. I inserted my ATM card into the slot, waited a few minutes, and no money came out. Instead, my card politely returned to me.

I inserted it again, certain it was an error, already composing the words I would have for the operator when I called and complained about the machine being out of money on this most important week. Again, no money. That’s when I panicked, thinking only one thought — identity theft! I couldn’t wait to get home and tell the family.

As it turned out, I owed back corporate taxes to the IRS to the tune of $329,000! Somehow my ex-husband and former office manager had neglected to pay taxes for my practice, and since I was the sole owner and proprietor, the IRS took every single penny I owned from every single bank account that I owned. I felt all kinds of emotions during the days that followed. Mostly sad, but also anger, self-pity, pain, and enormous disappointment.

There was a lot of moping around and not eating. I was devastated. I became actively suicidal. The day I voiced my intentions to my wife, she calmly canceled all her appointments for the week and attended to my every need. If she was freaked out, she didn’t show it. She simply pleaded and offered options and suggestions. But she also took me to see the doctor, who promptly placed me on antidepressants with side effects of suicidal ideation.

So, here’s my dilemma.

There was no doubt that I was experiencing depression, reactive depression. No doubt, I was indeed suicidal.

However, after the third increase in the dose of my SSRI, and a change from one to another, my mood did not improve, my suicidality remained the same if not worse because my life’s stressors remained largely unchanged.

I would drive up and down the highway, looking for a chance to drive off of it, wondering, “what if?” I eventually weaned myself off the SSRI, and with the help of my extremely supportive spouse and family, I began my road rebuilding.

ADVERTISEMENT

The more I was able to plan out my future, the better I felt. I eventually paid off a good chunk of the loan and filed bankruptcy, which is stressful enough, but because it was part of my plan to recovery, it didn’t hurt as badly. The lingering question I have is, what dose of antidepressants would it have taken to change my financial situation?

When the financial crisis of 2008 hit, a record 5,000 people died of suicide in the following weeks and months.

These were people who never had any mental illness recorded before the fact. So, how many milligrams of an SSRI would it have taken to “fix” their mental anguish?

When children and teens take their lives because of incessant bullying in schools or in classrooms, how many kinds of antidepressants would it take to change their reality?

Prescription antidepressant use has quadrupled in the past few years. Depression is often blamed for most suicides.

If antidepressants work, as Big Pharma would like us to believe, why are suicide rates on the rise across all races, ages, and works of life? Why are African American children and teens attempting and dying by suicide more than other races? Why do LGBTQ+ youth have the highest rates of suicide of all youth? Why do Native American/Alaskan youth have the highest rates of suicides of all youth? Why do Indigenous Australian youth lead the pack in suicides in that country? Why would a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed resident with a promising future suddenly kill herself during her second year in surgical residency?

Until we begin to look at other myriad reasons for suicide as bonafide players in the game, suicide rates will not come down any time soon.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Canadian emergency psychiatrist and suicidologist Tyler Black, MD, recently for an episode of my podcast, and he confirmed my suspicions. We must be very careful in throwing mental illness at every suicidal person. If someone has an overwhelming traumatic life event, a prescription of antidepressants might actually be more detrimental to them.

There is no doubt that mental illness (especially when undiagnosed or untreated) is a risk factor for suicide, but so are other factors. Only 46 percent of suicide deaths had mental health issues, and many were complicated by a lack of family support, substance abuse, or sudden life trauma.

We must find out what the underlying cause of the behavior is and tackle it specifically. Diagnosing everyone with mental illness actually worsens the stigma of both suicidal behavior and mental ill-health.

Uchenna Umeh is a pediatrician and can be reached at Teen Alive and on Facebook and YouTube.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Doctors: Don't care about your handwriting? You should.

November 24, 2019 Kevin 3
…
Next

Are teenagers more vulnerable to the effects of opioids?

November 24, 2019 Kevin 1
…

Tagged as: Psychiatry

< Previous Post
Doctors: Don't care about your handwriting? You should.
Next Post >
Are teenagers more vulnerable to the effects of opioids?

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Uchenna Umeh, MD

  • How to advocate for your transgender child’s health care

    Uchenna Umeh, MD
  • Allyship in action: Supporting your LGBTQ+ patients

    Uchenna Umeh, MD
  • The ABCs of parenting an LGBTQ+ child

    Uchenna Umeh, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • The suicidal patient who couldn’t be placed

    Raymond Abbott
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD
  • Treating depression with ketamine: We need incremental treatment for depression

    Shaili Jain, MD
  • The black physician’s burden

    Naomi Tweyo Nkinsi

More in Physician

  • Medical misinformation: Navigating vaccine hesitancy with empathy

    Christine J. Ko, MD
  • The American Board of Internal Medicine maintenance of certification lawsuit: What physicians need to know

    Brian Hudes, MD
  • Physician weight loss strategy: Why willpower isn’t enough in 2026

    Archana Reddy Shrestha, MD
  • Demedicalize dying: Why end-of-life care needs a spiritual reset

    Kevin Haselhorst, MD
  • Physician due process: Surviving the court of public opinion

    Muhamad Aly Rifai, MD
  • Spaced repetition in medicine: Why current apps fail clinicians

    Dr. Sunakshi Bhatia
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • My wife’s story: How DEA and CDC guidelines destroyed our golden years

      Monty Goddard & Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Conditions
    • Why medical school DEI mission statements matter for future physicians

      Aditi Mahajan, MEd, Laura Malmut, MD, MEd, Jared Stowers, MD, and Khaleel Atkinson | Education
    • Visual language in health care: Why words aren’t enough

      Hamid Moghimi, RPN | Conditions
    • Breast cancer and the daughter who gave everything

      Dr. Damane Zehra | Conditions
    • Autism comorbidities: the hidden link between POTS, GI issues, and hypermobility

      Carrie Friedman, NP | Conditions
    • End-of-life care cost substance use: When compassion meets economic reality

      Brian Hudes, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Will AI replace primary care physicians?

      P. Dileep Kumar, MD, MBA | Tech
    • A physician father on the Dobbs decision and reproductive rights

      Travis Walker, MD, MPH | Physician
    • What is the minority tax in medicine?

      Tharini Nagarkar and Maranda C. Ward, EdD, MPH | Education
    • Why the U.S. health care system is failing patients and physicians

      John C. Hagan III, MD | Policy
    • Alex Pretti: a physician’s open letter defending his legacy

      Mousson Berrouet, DO | Physician
    • Why voicemail in outpatient care is failing patients and staff

      Dan Ouellet | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Autism comorbidities: the hidden link between POTS, GI issues, and hypermobility

      Carrie Friedman, NP | Conditions
    • The impact of CDC’s new childhood immunization guidance

      Umayr R. Shaikh, MPH | Conditions
    • Remote nursing for burnout: How changing environments saved my career

      Michele Abbott, RN | Conditions
    • Doctors often struggle to separate professional advice from family love [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Beyond weight loss: the expanding benefits of GLP-1 receptor agonists

      Zehra Haider, MD | Meds
    • Medical misinformation: Navigating vaccine hesitancy with empathy

      Christine J. Ko, MD | Physician

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 11 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • My wife’s story: How DEA and CDC guidelines destroyed our golden years

      Monty Goddard & Richard A. Lawhern, PhD | Conditions
    • Why medical school DEI mission statements matter for future physicians

      Aditi Mahajan, MEd, Laura Malmut, MD, MEd, Jared Stowers, MD, and Khaleel Atkinson | Education
    • Visual language in health care: Why words aren’t enough

      Hamid Moghimi, RPN | Conditions
    • Breast cancer and the daughter who gave everything

      Dr. Damane Zehra | Conditions
    • Autism comorbidities: the hidden link between POTS, GI issues, and hypermobility

      Carrie Friedman, NP | Conditions
    • End-of-life care cost substance use: When compassion meets economic reality

      Brian Hudes, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Will AI replace primary care physicians?

      P. Dileep Kumar, MD, MBA | Tech
    • A physician father on the Dobbs decision and reproductive rights

      Travis Walker, MD, MPH | Physician
    • What is the minority tax in medicine?

      Tharini Nagarkar and Maranda C. Ward, EdD, MPH | Education
    • Why the U.S. health care system is failing patients and physicians

      John C. Hagan III, MD | Policy
    • Alex Pretti: a physician’s open letter defending his legacy

      Mousson Berrouet, DO | Physician
    • Why voicemail in outpatient care is failing patients and staff

      Dan Ouellet | Tech
  • Recent Posts

    • Autism comorbidities: the hidden link between POTS, GI issues, and hypermobility

      Carrie Friedman, NP | Conditions
    • The impact of CDC’s new childhood immunization guidance

      Umayr R. Shaikh, MPH | Conditions
    • Remote nursing for burnout: How changing environments saved my career

      Michele Abbott, RN | Conditions
    • Doctors often struggle to separate professional advice from family love [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Beyond weight loss: the expanding benefits of GLP-1 receptor agonists

      Zehra Haider, MD | Meds
    • Medical misinformation: Navigating vaccine hesitancy with empathy

      Christine J. Ko, MD | Physician

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today

Copyright © 2026 KevinMD.com | Powered by Astra WordPress Theme

  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

It wasn’t depression that led this physician to suicidal ideation
11 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...